Strong Leaders Change Their Minds
What if the strongest thing you could say as a leader isn’t “I was right,” but “I see this differently now”? We’re often taught that consistency equals strength — that real authority means never wavering. But reality keeps moving. New information surfaces. Markets shift. People change. And if your leadership is built on never updating your thinking, you may be protecting certainty at the expense of relevance. This reflection explores why strong leaders change their minds — and why doing so might increase your credibility instead of eroding it.
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What if the strongest thing a leader could say isn’t “I was right,” but “I see this differently now”?
For many leaders, that sentence feels dangerous.
We’re conditioned to believe that consistency equals strength. That authority is built on certainty. That changing your mind signals weakness, instability, or lack of conviction.
But rigidity is not strength.
Stagnation is not integrity.
And if your leadership is built on never updating your thinking, eventually reality will embarrass you.
Why Changing Your Mind Feels Like Losing
Changing your mind doesn’t just feel like admitting an idea was wrong. It feels like admitting you were wrong.
And that’s a very different thing.
When beliefs are tied to identity — to credibility, belonging, expertise, even moral standing — new information doesn’t feel neutral. It feels threatening. The brain interprets challenges to our convictions as challenges to who we are.
So we defend.
We explain away new data.
We question the source.
We double down.
Not because we’re malicious. Because we’re human.
Psychologists call this cognitive dissonance — the psychological stress that occurs when new information clashes with what we already believe. Add identity into the mix, and it becomes even more charged. When a belief is connected to our group, our reputation, or our sense of self, letting go of it can feel like exile.
That’s why debates escalate so quickly. We think we’re arguing about facts. We’re often defending belonging.
But leadership requires something more mature than instinctive defense.
It requires responsiveness.
Consistency vs. Relevance
In business strategy, there’s a critical distinction between mission and messaging.
A company’s core values may remain steady for decades. But how those values are communicated must evolve as the world changes. When the environment shifts — economically, technologically, culturally — the problems people face change. And if your message doesn’t adapt, you become irrelevant.
The same principle applies to leadership.
You can keep your values.
You can keep your integrity.
You can keep your north star.
But if you’re still leading the same way you did five years ago — in a different market, with different people, under different pressures — there’s a strong possibility you’re solving a problem that no longer exists.
Consistency without responsiveness becomes disconnection.
And disconnection erodes trust far more than thoughtful evolution ever will.
Treat Beliefs Like Hypotheses
Scientists don’t marry their theories.
They test them.
A hypothesis is simply a belief held with openness — based on the best information available at the time, but always subject to revision when new evidence emerges.
Imagine if leaders adopted that posture.
Not reckless flip-flopping. Not reactive instability. But measured updating.
Instead of:
“This is the way it is.”
Try:
“Based on what I know right now, this is what I believe.”
That subtle shift leaves room for growth.
It allows authority to coexist with humility. It communicates confidence without pretending omniscience.
Ironically, research suggests that when competence is already established, intellectual humility increases trust. People respect leaders who are paying attention. Leaders who demonstrate that they’re responsive to new information signal maturity, not weakness.
The leader who never adjusts doesn’t look strong.
They look brittle.
Why Arguments Rarely Change Minds
There’s another leadership trap hidden here: the belief that forceful argument will persuade.
When people feel their freedom to believe something is threatened, they push back harder. Head-on attacks on identity rarely soften positions. They entrench them.
But something interesting happens when story enters the picture.
When someone becomes immersed in a narrative, defenses lower. Counter-arguments quiet. New perspectives become possible — not because they were forced, but because they were invited.
This is why humor works.
It’s why parables endure.
It’s why great leaders communicate through story rather than slogans.
You don’t shove someone into change. You invite them.
And the same is true internally.
If you attack your past self for believing something different, you’ll resist growth. If instead you allow space for evolution — curiosity instead of condemnation — change becomes possible.
The Cost of Being Right
There’s a particular kind of authority that forms when someone becomes known for certainty.
People trust them. They look decisive. Their clarity attracts followers.
But if that authority is built on never changing, it becomes fragile.
Because the world does not stop moving.
New technology shows up.
New research surfaces.
New cultural realities emerge.
New information challenges old assumptions.
If your leadership depends on defending what you once said, you will spend more time protecting your past than engaging with the present.
And eventually, reality will embarrass you.
Not because you were foolish. But because you refused to update.
Redefining Strength
Many leaders were taught that ambition requires sharp edges — that to win, you must be aggressive, unapologetic, hardened.
But power and empathy are not enemies.
Ambition and kindness are not opposites.
Strength does not require rigidity. It requires alignment.
It requires the courage to say, “I’ve learned something.”
It requires the maturity to admit that new information changes old conclusions.
It requires the self-trust to evolve without collapsing into insecurity.
The leader who updates their thinking models psychological safety. They signal that growth is allowed. They create space for others to reconsider, refine, and develop.
That is not weakness.
That is disciplined humility.
The Quiet Test of Leadership
Here’s a simple but uncomfortable question:
Have your beliefs evolved in the last few years?
If not, it may not be because you were right all along.
It may be because you stopped listening.
Leadership is not about abandoning your core. It’s about applying your core to a changing world. It’s about keeping your values steady while allowing your strategies, assumptions, and language to mature.
You don’t have to burn everything down.
You just have to pay attention.
And sometimes the strongest thing you can say — to your team, to your clients, to yourself — is this:
“I see this differently now.”
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Strong Leaders Change Their Minds
[00:00:00] Why Leaders Need To Change Their Minds
Dr. JJ Peterson: If you build your authority on never changing your mind, eventually reality is going to embarrass you. Because reality keeps moving. New technology shows up. New information surfaces. New problems emerge. And if you're still communicating and leading the same way you did five years ago, there is a decent chance you are solving a problem that doesn't exist in the world anymore.
We tell ourselves we're being consistent, we're being strong. But stagnation is not strength.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Welcome to Badass Softie, a podcast for leaders who are unapologetically ambitious and want to lead with heart because you're allowed to chase big goals without losing what makes you human.
I'm your host, Dr. JJ Peterson, and today we are going to be talking about changing your mind. I have changed my mind about, a few things over the past, I don't know, decade and not small things, but really the core things. The kind of things that, that
[00:01:08] The Problem: We Confuse Rigidity with Strength
Dr. JJ Peterson: really used to make me feel settled because I was confident in my beliefs.
Things like theology, relationships, career path, identity. We're talking life altering mind shifts. And if I'm honest, I did not always enjoy the process because big change is rarely easy, especially when it comes to changing your mind, and especially when it comes to things that, you know, I've put a lot of thought and effort into.
And it's been true in my life for sure, but it's also been true when it comes to how I work and lead. I find myself being constantly challenged to look at the way I show up and lead with clients and coworkers. And the way I lead and the way I show up has changed over the years. And you know, weirdly enough, even though, you know, I talk on here all the time about how my life involves a lot of travel and adventure and big risks.
I don't love change. I love routine. I have the same thing for breakfast every morning. I take my coffee the same way. I like stable. I like to show up that way even in leadership. I like to show up informed and where I, I know what I'm saying, that I show up with an opinion, I wanna show up with strength.
But if I'm most honest, I think somewhere along the way I consciously or unconsciously leaned into the idea that strong leaders are consistent and don't waiver. That showing up not knowing the answers or wavering can feel like weakness, and again, with some vulnerability. I, I can say that some of that is based on my own fears and insecurities, but some of it just happens
[00:03:04] Marketing Lesson: When Messages Must Evolve
Dr. JJ Peterson: out of getting stale and being used to a routine or used to how things are done. Now, I, I still believe in clarity around what you believe and where you're going. I think all of that matters, but I'm not sure rigidity is actually the thing that we're trying to go for.
In, in my marketing strategy work, I tell companies all the time to not be afraid to adjust their message, not, not their mission, not their values, not their product, their message.
Because sometimes when the world changes or when new information becomes available. It's appropriate to change. Like before COVID, a lot of companies talked about providing growth or scaling or expansion. And then during COVID, those same companies had to shift their message to providing stability, safety, flexibility. And then again after COVID, the language had to shift again to where companies were then offering help with resilience or reinvention or forward motion. The
[00:04:10] Why Changing Your Mind Feels Impossible
Dr. JJ Peterson: product didn't necessarily change, the company didn't change, but the problem that the companies were trying to solve did. And so they couldn't show up the same way.
If you keep talking about expansion while your customers are worried about survival, yes, you're technically consistent, but completely disconnected. Markets move, times change, and if your message doesn't change with the times, you lose relevance.
So here's really the question I've been wrestling with. If I can understand that in marketing, why do I sometimes resist that in leader?
You know, I, I'm sure you've heard or even maybe said this, but things like, this is how we've always done it, or that's just the way I am, or even my way or the highway. I, I don't know if I've ever said those words out loud, but I've definitely said them in my head and I actually did some study on this in my PhD work about how people change their thoughts, their attitudes, their minds, and how you can actually lean into helping people change. There's a reason change feels uncomfortable. Scientists call it cognitive dissonance. You've probably heard of this, but Leon Festinger studied what happens when new information clashes with what we already believe.
It creates tension, not metaphorical tension, real psychological stress. And when that happens, you don't automatically update to the new information you defend. You explain away the new data, you question the source, you get louder because changing our minds feels like we're losing something. Status, credibility, authority.
Have you ever been challenged about your beliefs and your first instinct is really to like puff up your chest or your body, feel it tense up, it's ready to fight or flight. That's what I'm talking about here. That's what happens when our ideas and who we are is challenge because it's more than just this idea of being challenged with our beliefs.
Dan Kahan's work on identity protective cognition shows that we don't just defend ideas, we defend belonging. If a belief is connected to the group we identify with, then challenging that belief can feel like exile. So when somebody pushes back on our thinking, we don't just hear, I disagree with you, we hear you are wrong and your people are wrong. And even worse, we can hear you are dumb and everyone you like is dumb. That's why debates escalate so quickly. We think we're arguing about data, about ideas, but we're actually arguing about identity and our first instinct is to protect our identity.
Once identity is on the line, logic doesn't stand a chance. One of my professors, Benson Frazier, talked about Kierkegaard's idea of indirect
[00:07:26] The Secret: Use Story, Not Arguments
Dr. JJ Peterson: communication. If you attack someone head on about a belief that is tied to who they are, they dig in. So it's actually nearly impossible to argue someone out of their beliefs, especially if those beliefs are tied to ideology, identity and belonging.
Like things like theology, political ideology, who I am as a human. You can see this in modern psychology too. Resistance theory explains that when people feel their freedom to believe something is threatened, they push back harder.
Here's something that really fascinates me in this world, kind of as a side thing, is something interesting happens when you use story.
So a lot of my research and my PhD was on the idea of narrative transportation. And narrative transportation shows that when people are drawn into a story, they lower their defenses. They stop counter arguing. They consider new perspectives without feeling cornered, which is why humor it really works. It's fantastic. It's why parables work. It's why good marketing work works. You don't shove someone into change, you invite them. It's not manipulation. It's understanding how humans actually process identity and belief. So if you're even a leader and you're talking to somebody who sees themself as a
[00:08:51] The Hard Truth: Reality Will Embarrass You
Dr. JJ Peterson: marketer. I am a marketer. And you come in and attack their ideas about marketing. What you're doing in that moment is you're actually in their mind attacking them.
If somebody comes to you and you have ideas about a leadership idea, like you want to take the team forward to the business forward in a very specific way, and somebody comes at you with a new idea. In your brain, what's actually happening is they're not attacking your ideas. Your brain goes, they're attacking me and who I am.
What we need to understand is that when we change our mind, it doesn't just feel like our idea was wrong in the past. This is why it's so hard to change. It's because it doesn't, it's not that just we feel like, oh, my idea was wrong. What we actually feel like is, I was wrong. Not mistaken, wrong, and that's why we resist change.
But here is the hard truth. If you build your authority on never changing your mind, eventually reality is going to embarrass you. Because reality keeps moving. New technology shows up. New information surfaces. New problems emerge. New personalities show up in your world, and if you're still communicating and leading the same way you did five years ago, there is a decent chance you are solving a problem that doesn't exist in the world anymore.
Hello most marketers talking about what they do in an AI world. I see this happen in
[00:10:28] Personal Story: Why I Turned Down the Book Deal
Dr. JJ Peterson: business all the time. Companies clinging to messaging that works in a previous season. They defend it because it once produced results, but meanwhile, the market has shifted. They're not wrong. They're just outdated. And sometimes we do the same thing as leaders.
We defend an approach that once worked. We clinging to a belief that once made sense. We communicate in a tone that fit an earlier moment, and we tell ourselves, we're being consistent. We're being strong. But stagnation is not strength.
In decision science, there's a simple idea that I love. Treat beliefs like hypothesis. Based on what I know right now, I believe this. When new information shows up, I'll reassess. Scientists don't marry their theories. They test them. What if leaders did the same thing? Not reckless flip flopping, but measured updating.
You don't have to apologize for learning. You don't have to frame growth as failure. You can just calmly say. I see this differently now. That sentence doesn't erode authority. If, anything, it increases it.
You know, when I first came out of the closet, many people asked me to write a book about my journey of being raised in a pastor's family, being a missionary and pastor myself, and eventually coming out of the closet at age 37.
And at one point some friends asked me to be on their podcast. And I shared my story with them not really realizing it. I didn't think it was a big podcast, and I didn't think many people would hear it, but last I heard, which is now many, many years ago, that it had been downloaded over 13 million times.
So of course when something like that happens, then people come to you going, Hey, you should write a book.
In that process, I also got asked because of that podcast to come and speak to denominational leaderships of different denominations who were working through becoming affirming of the L-G-B-T-Q community.
And even one of the wildest moments happened was when I was invited to this secret meeting behind closed doors. Literally everybody had to leave their phones outside with some of the top evangelical leaders in America and I was asked to come and share my story with them 'cause they were really working through theological issues.
Now because of all of that, people really just kept saying, you need to write a book. And I was getting even some offers to help me do this. And to be honest, one day I may, but at the time I knew I didn't want to. I didn't want to put into writing my beliefs that I knew were going to evolve. 'cause a lot of times when you put ideas out there like that, then you spend the rest of your time trying to defend those ideas.
I didn't want to be held to and promote a viewpoint that was incredibly personal and also I knew was going to change. In fact, as one example at the time, I wasn't even sure theologically or personally that I was ever going to date. I didn't even know if I wanted to or if I was okay with it. And the reality is today I married and a stepdad to four
[00:13:46] The Shift: Treat Beliefs Like Hypotheses
Dr. JJ Peterson: kids.
I am so glad I did not write about my beliefs then, because then I might have to defend or apologize or feel weird about it now. I wanted the space to change privately instead of publicly, especially when it involves something like such a hot issue in the church and obviously deeply personal. So I, I gave up the book contract, but by doing so, I gave myself room to evolve instead of trying to defend a belief I had 10 years ago.
What's interesting is research actually supports this kind of thinking. Adam Grant found that when competence is already established, intellectual humility actually increases trust. People respect leaders who demonstrate that they're paying attention.
Leaders who don't adjust scare me. And if I ever catch myself becoming rigid in my own leadership style or clinging to ideas like my way or the highway, or really like doubling down on hardcore beliefs that I just know are absolutely right. To me, that is a clear red flag that I'm probably not doing well.
I'm tired, I'm hurt, I'm overwhelmed, I'm stressed. There's something that is causing me to dive deeper into my beliefs instead of being open to new possibilities.
So let me make this a little uncomfortable for a second. If your beliefs haven't evolved in years, it might not be because that was a good belief and you were right all along. It might be because you've stopped listening and growing. That's not a character flaw. It's a very human impulse. We like certainty. We like the feeling of being settled, but leadership,
[00:15:41] My Mind Change: Ambition + Kindness
Dr. JJ Peterson: good leadership requires responsiveness.
In marketing, I tell companies, keep your logo, keep your tagline, keep your core, but update the messaging when the moment changes.
If a new problem arises or new information arises that your product can solve or is involved with, talk about that new thing. Talk about the new information. Don't keep talking about the old thing, just because you're attached to it. The same is true for you as a leader. Keep your values, adjust your communication.
Keep your integrity, update your thinking. I had to change my mind about ambition. I used to believe that if you wanted to win, you had to be sharp, aggressive, unapologetic, in a way that really left very little room for softness. 'cause that felt like weakness to me. And the truth is, that's not how I wanted to show up.
So instead of just trying to show up and bring the softness to it, what it meant was I stepped back, I became less ambitious 'cause of what my idea of ambition was. I didn't wanna hurt people's feelings. I didn't wanna feel like I had to sacrifice my integrity to get ahead. , I didn't want to come across as an asshole.
Here's the thing. I don't think that
[00:17:01] Your Challenge: Where Are You Defending Old Beliefs?
Dr. JJ Peterson: anymore. Well, no, I still don't wanna be an asshole, but I don't think the same way about ambition anymore. Not because I've lowered my standards, but because I've expanded them. Being an asshole and being a badass are not the same thing. Ambition and kindness are not opposites.
Power and empathy are not enemies. Badass Softie exists because I changed my mind about what strength looks like. The shift doesn't make me less driven. It's made me more aligned.
So here's what I want you to sit with this week. Where might you be defending a message that no longer fits your market? Where might you be defending a belief that no longer fits your reality? What would it look like to update? Not because you were wrong all along, but because you learned something new. If your message feels stale, if your beliefs feel disconnected from the moment, that's the work that I do. I help leaders and companies clarify what they stand for, and then adjust how they communicate so that they stay relevant without losing themselves.
You don't have to burn it all down. You just have to pay attention. You are allowed to grow. You are allowed to learn. You are allowed to change your mind. And sometimes the strongest thing that you can say is, I see this differently now.
So let me leave you with this. May you keep learning, keep listening, and keep adjusting when reality shifts. May you never love what you're saying or how you're leading more than the people you showed up to lead. May you never get so attached to being right that you stop being kind and when new information shows up, may you stay curious enough to consider it and brave enough to say, I see this differently now.
Because we believe you can be both ambitious and kind, fun, and driven, powerful and deeply human. Your leadership can inspire your success, can have soul, and your ambition can make space for everyone. That's why you are a badass softie. We'll see you next week.