People Experience You Before They Hear You: The Truth About Executive Presence
Most people want to believe their work should speak for itself. But according to stylist, author, and brand strategist Toi Sweeney, people begin forming opinions about us long before a conversation ever starts. Executive presence isn’t just about confidence or polish — it’s about alignment. In this conversation, Toi explores how trust, credibility, and connection are shaped through the subtle signals we send every day, and why intentionality matters more than most leaders realize.
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Many leaders resist conversations about executive presence because they associate them with vanity.
The phrase itself often brings to mind polished corporate image management, carefully rehearsed networking behavior, or the pressure to fit a version of professionalism that feels disconnected from who they actually are.
But stylist, author, and brand strategist Toi Sweeney argues that executive presence is not really about performance at all.
It’s about understanding that people experience us before they fully hear us.
And whether leaders like it or not, those early impressions shape trust, credibility, connection, and influence long before words enter the equation.
Why Executive Presence Shapes First Impressions
Toi has spent years helping leaders think differently about personal branding and leadership presence.
After working as a stylist and style director at QVC, she began noticing how intentional visual communication shaped not only perception, but confidence, trust, and emotional connection.
The work eventually became the foundation for her book, The Secrets of a Well-Dressed Brand, where she explores the psychology behind personal branding, executive presence, and visual identity.
One of the central ideas in her work is that people are constantly gathering information before a real conversation even begins.
Not just about competence, but about:
trustworthiness
steadiness
warmth
confidence
emotional safety
credibility
Most of these impressions happen unconsciously.
People notice whether someone feels grounded or scattered. They notice whether a person seems comfortable in themselves. They notice energy, clarity, and intention long before they consciously process the details.
That realization reframes executive presence entirely.
Because presence is not separate from communication.
Presence is communication.
The Difference Between Intentionality and Vanity
Part of what makes executive presence uncomfortable for many people is the fear of becoming fake.
There’s a natural resistance to the idea of carefully shaping perception. Many leaders want their ideas, experience, and intelligence to speak for themselves without having to think about presentation at all.
But Toi makes an important distinction between vanity and intentionality.
Vanity is centered around approval.
Intentionality is centered around awareness.
Those are very different motivations.
One asks:
“How do I get people to like me?”
The other asks:
“What experience are people having around me?”
That shift changes the entire conversation.
Because intentional leadership presence is not about trying to become someone else. It’s about reducing the gap between who someone is internally and what people experience externally.
That’s one reason this conversation connects naturally with Building Visibility Without Becoming Performative. Both conversations wrestle with the same leadership tension:
How do people become more visible and intentional without losing themselves in the process?
Why Leadership Presence Is About Trust, Not Attention
One of the most compelling parts of Toi’s perspective is that executive presence is not really about looking important.
It’s about helping people feel something specific around you.
Things like:
trust
calm
steadiness
warmth
confidence
clarity
Throughout the conversation, Toi explains how color psychology influences those experiences before people consciously process them.
Blue, for example, is often associated with trust, calmness, and stability. Black communicates authority, sophistication, and confidence. Red signals ambition and determination. Pink represents unconditional love and emotional openness.
At first glance, color psychology can sound overly simplistic.
But the more Toi explains it, the more intuitive it becomes.
People already understand emotionally that certain environments feel calming while others feel stressful. Some spaces feel warm while others feel cold. Some people feel approachable while others create tension immediately.
Leaders create those same emotional responses.
And in a world increasingly shaped by digital communication, video calls, social media, speaking engagements, and online visibility, those signals matter even more.
People are constantly interpreting experience before they fully process information.
The Cost of Trying To Blend In
One of the strongest ideas Toi introduces is that many leaders spend years trying to tone down the exact qualities that make them memorable.
Professional environments often pressure people to become:
more neutral
less emotionally expressive
easier to digest
more polished
more universally acceptable
But over time, that neutrality can make leaders feel interchangeable.
Ironically, the people who stand out most today are often the people who feel least manufactured.
Not because they are trying to appear unique as a branding strategy, but because they have stopped sanding down every edge that makes them recognizable.
Toi argues that people are craving more humanity, not less.
As technology, automation, and AI continue reshaping communication, audiences are becoming increasingly sensitive to authenticity, energy, and emotional alignment.
People want to feel something real.
That means the goal of executive presence is no longer simply fitting into professional spaces.
It’s learning how to “blend in and stand out at the same time,” as Toi describes it.
What Authentic Executive Presence Actually Looks Like
One reason many people struggle with executive presence is because they imagine it requires a complete transformation.
But intentionality is often much smaller than that.
It starts with questions like:
How do people tend to feel around me?
Do I feel aligned in the way I show up?
Am I trying to create trust or simply appear impressive?
What parts of myself am I constantly trying to tone down?
Do I show up like someone who trusts themselves?
For some leaders, intentionality might mean simplifying things instead of overcomplicating them.
For others, it may mean finally allowing more warmth, creativity, softness, or personality to show instead of trying to embody a rigid version of professionalism.
And for some, it may simply mean dressing in a way that helps them feel calmer, more confident, or more grounded when they enter a room.
The goal is not to create a character.
The goal is alignment.
Because people experience congruence before they consciously identify it.
They can feel when someone is comfortable in their own presence.
And that feeling shapes trust long before a leader ever begins speaking.
If this conversation resonates, The Secrets of a Well-Dressed Brand explores many of these ideas more deeply, especially the relationship between visual identity, emotional perception, confidence, and leadership presence.
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[00:00:00] Why Your Presence Speaks Before You Do
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Let's say somebody wants to show up into a new space, and they want to be intentional about the clothes that they wear, say, into a new boardroom. What should I be thinking about wearing when I show up about my brand?
Toi Sweeney: You have to learn how to blend in and stand out at the same time. You want to follow the rules, but within your own set of rules.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Welcome to Badass Softie, a podcast for leaders who are unapologetically ambitious and want to lead with heart, because you're allowed to chase big goals without losing what makes you human. I'm your host, Dr. JJ Peterson, and I need to start with a confession. I hate shopping. I hate buying clothes. I hate thinking about what I'm gonna wear each day.
Uh, i- if I could, I would be like Steve Jobs and just wear the same black turtleneck... Well, I hate turtlenecks, but I would wear the same black thing every single day and not have to think about it. But I know that when I show up on a stage to speak, or in a new boardroom to work with a big company, or somebody's office, or even on Zoom to work with clients, what I wear communicates something about me, whether I like it or not.
It just does. And I've had to learn how to be more intentional about how I show up, and h- how to be more intentional about the message that I'm giving off. Now, the person who had the most influence on my thinking and kind of changing my, the way I think about it that is in this space, is my friend Toi Sweeney.
Toi is an award-winning stylist, a TV host, a best-selling author, TED speaker. Sh- at one point in her career, she was the stylist for all the on-air talent at QVC. I mean, she's unbelievable. She's had so many career highlights. And she works with leaders to empower them to craft a brand image that truly reflects their strength, their power, and really increases their perceived value.
But the funnest part is she does it all in a way that is authentic to them. So in today's episode, we talk about being intentional with your look, and my favorite part about this conversation is she actually talks about what different colors mean, and using those colors to control the narrative you are giving people.
So if you've ever thought about wanting to be more intentional about how you show up in new spaces and the message you're giving off with your look, or honestly, just need a little guidance with your wardrobe, this conversation is for you. And before we get started today, I just want to let you know that we had some problems actually with some of the audio recording, and so you're gonna kind of jump into this conversation midway.
So, uh, apologies for that. But we missed a little bit of the recording, but we thought this conversation was so important that we wanted you to still hear it. So you'll miss a little bit at the beginning, but you're gonna get all the important information you need throughout the whole conversation. So you and I met 10 years ago.
You came to a StoryBrand workshop where you were moving out of... You'd been working for QVC as a stylist and kind of helping people elevate their brands in that space, and you decided that you were gonna kind of go and start your own thing, and really help people build their personal brand with their look, and also just, like, who are they, what are they saying when they show up in the world.
[00:03:38] The Story You’re Already Telling
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Sh- what kind of led you to that? Like, what, what, what made you decide, "Hey, I'm ready to launch out on my own and build my own thing with The Well-Dressed Brand?"
Toi Sweeney: Uh, well, honestly, it was one of those things that came from outside sources. Um, I w- had really done everything that I had, um, that I'd come to do within that organization.
I'd traveled to Italy. I had... I was working with the models. I had started working with the program hosts, and I started to get, um, some podcast interviews. And so while I was there and just finding myself in this new role as a style director, um, I really cut my teeth, um, you know, at QVC, kind of putting this framework together of what The Secrets of a Well-Dressed Brand, my book, was all about.
And so one of the things was me transitioning just even from live show stylist to style director, from style director to entrepreneur. And so I really started to kind of think about what I had learned while I was there and how it helped me in my career. And so I really focused on what it is that I want people to say and think about me.
What does that color palette look like? What's the word? So the word that I came up with was that I really wanted people to think that I was chic as far as my image. And so I, next thing was, "Okay, well, what does that look like?" So I decided, I'm just testing this out, it's completely out of my brain, nothing written down.
I was like, "Okay." So what is considered, like, an elegant, kinda chic, um, color palette, right? And I, at that time when we were working with the hosts, we would give them a style test. Uh, we would create, like, branding decks for each of them. We would shop with them. I was in their homes. So I had the formula.
And so I said, "Okay, well, for me, that looks like navy. It looks like black and white. It looks like gray." And so for six months, I only would wear those colors and nothing else. And so then I'm a walking billboard, right? What we broadcast is what gets received, and so I would wear graphic T-shirts. Now, again, you guys, we're talking about 10, 15 years ago, so these things were in style.
Graphic tees never go out, but... So I would wear a graphic tee that said, "Chic," you know, underneath my blazer on, you know, the casual Fridays. I would wear a little brooch that said, "Chic." I'd wear a little necklace, like, just imprinting that thought in the subconscious of people, right? And just, I didn't know.
Again, trying to see if it worked. And so up, six, eight months went by. I'm in the ladies room. Our vice president at the time, um, her name was Claire Watts, she is in the stall next to me. We come out, we walk to the sink. We're washing our hands, and she looks me up and down out of her Tiffany's glasses and she says, "You know..."
And we're just washing our hands. She said, "You always look so chic." I was like, "You have got to be freaking kidding me. This thing works. Like, there's something, there's something here," you know? And so I said, "Okay, can I do it again?" So I started introducing some of the show hosts to the concept of personal brand, start to infuse i- their personalities, um, some of their core values, kind of a little bit of their goals, especially if they were new, of what they wanted to accomplish as a new host, um, what was the vision of the company for the show host at that time, and more importantly, their image.
And so I started fusing all of those things together, and there was something that was similar to Threads now, but it was, like, an offline kind of thread of the customers talking, and they would just kind of let their thoughts out. And so people started emailing me from the control room of, like, what people were saying, and they would say, "I don't know what's going on with the host, but they look really, really good."
And then a lot of that, and w- especially when I started doing it for the models prior to the position, was really where I cut my teeth. It's really started to impact the bottom line. And so by the time I got to, you know, start doing podcasts while I was still working there, people started to say, "You should really put this in a book."
And so The Secrets of the Well-Dressed Brand was born, and, you know, that led me to you and so many other opportunities as well.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: I love that so much because w- what you're really talking about here, i- well, one of the things I'm getting out of this is I think for, for me,
[00:08:08] Authenticity, Authority, and the Fear of Feeling Fake
Dr. J.J. Peterson: I am not somebody who would consider myself chic or stylish-
on a, regularly, and my clothes are not something that I enjoy putting thought into. Mm-hmm. I do not enjoy that.
Toi Sweeney: Yeah.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: So I think, you know, f- before I, I listened to you on some things, I really thought, if i- if I'm being most honest, that, like, people who put thought into clothing- Mm-hmm ... and what they wear and how they show up, um, one, they just enjoy it.
It's because they love looking nice and looking cute and things like that. Yeah. Or if I'm more honest, maybe it's because they're a little vain, right? Yeah, 100%. And they're like- Yeah, and that's perfectly ... "Well, I don't have that same vanity, so I don't- Right ... need to look like that." And also, I don't like showing up in suits, you know, because that's what kind of in the business world it's like, "Well, you show up in a suit."
That's not me. Never been me. So I'm like, "I am not going to put a lot of thought into..." So early on in my more professional business career, I would show up i, i- in slacks that didn't often really fit me, um, that maybe didn't go with a shirt that maybe if I'm most honest had a stain on it or something like that.
And because I was like, well, the merit of my knowledge and the merit of my w- my pedigree, you know, where I came from, my education, that should carry the weight, not what I wear. And y- you talk about how showing up dressed well with a, a, a point of view with your brand. Mm-hmm. It's not about vanity. Mm-mm.
How do you describe, like for people who maybe feel like me or think like, "Well, it's just for people who like clothes," or, "It's a vanity play," how, what, what, what would you say to them?
Toi Sweeney: Well, I think that you, it, it's like with most things, right, there has to obviously be a little bit of a mindset shift, and you think about, okay, well, what is it that you really wanna say?
Because you have to understand the tru- It's not a beautiful truth, it's just the truth, is that people are going to form an opinion about you, um, one way or the other, right? And so how much more powerful will you feel knowing that you get to control that? So a lot of times when a client will ask me the same question, or I've had people that have really, really dug in, um, online and just like, "This is, this is vanity, it's just..."
You know, "And I hate makeup, and I hate shopping, and I hate these things," the more that I start to peel back the onion, I start to realize that, they start to realize that it's not, that's not actually true. You know, because when you think about in this digital age, in this time of the smartphones and all of the things, and now AI, it's like we have learned to somewhat mul- Like, I can t- talk to you and scroll on my phone or this, that, and the third.
We're so distracted. Our attention is everywhere, but if you take the opportunity to say, "I'm going to this event," or, "I have to jump on a Zoom with this person," in just five seconds think about, "Okay, what is it that I want JJ to think about me?" Well, I make that decision, and then I show up and just shut it down so that there is no question.
I get to control the narrative. You, you know, you don't get to be in control of any aspect of my life, so why would you then leave something like that to it just being vanity when it really is a tool and a strategy that you get to control, right? And so the example that I use is think about your favorite movie.
I bet you you can tell me exactly what that character is wearing, especially if it's, like, a movie that has, like, a part two or part three, right? We, we know what they w- are wearing, and they, it's the same thing. We get to control the narrative. And so the same way that, you know, when you think about Harrison Ford running through those t- You know, you know you got the leather jacket, you got the fedora, you got the dusty khakis, right?
I think I've seen Grease I and II, like, 100,000 times. You know, the same with Wicked, right? We know the colors. We know the... It's not any different. You are the greatest story ever told. Why would you leave your wardrobe to chance? I don't know. Yeah. I'm just saying.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah. No, I, I mean it, that, that's a mindset shift I had to take, I, I had to have.
Um, because, you know, even especially when y- when COVID happened like you said, and all of a sudden we're on Zoom. Ugh. So you don't even get to be in the room with somebody- ... to make that impression. It's what your background looks like. Mm-hmm. It's what you're wearing instantly. People make assumptions based on that, and you can win or lose deals, or win or lose credibility and influence, or it takes a lot longer to get that influence back than if you just show up in a way that's intentional about how you wanna communicate.
Yeah. And you even talk about how there's neuroscience behind this. Like, that there's- Yeah ... actually like, there's science behind... It's not just like impress people and look good. There's actually some science behind what you do.
Toi Sweeney: Yeah, and so that was, you know, as, as we are all moving through this world in this, you know, personal brand space, and if you've not built one by now, you are instantly behind.
And, you know, it was like we all have to think about what our differentiator was. And so I- I've always been really, really obsessed about what's happening in our brain when we do certain things, and obviously getting dressed was one of them. And so in my book, Secrets of a Well-Dressed Brand, I do talk about what, you know, some of the things of, like, we're, we're getting to put on our power.
So there's a study that I quote in the book, and then I have some newer science too, that hopefully I can remember. But, uh, one of the things really fast before I quote what's in the book is that when you show up, especially if you're wearing color, but if when you show up and you decide to put on your personality and you're putting all these cool things into your, into your wardrobe, what happens that is really cool is that we're getting double dopamine.
And as humans, we love dopamine. We are dopamine s- uh, you know, seekers, especially if you're neurodivergent like me. It's just like, "Where is the dopamine? Give it all to me now." And so when you get dressed and you enter that Zoom or you enter that room, the double dopamine that happens, so I get a shot of dopamine when I get dressed, and then when you see me, then you get a shot of dopamine.
And so then we get to sit here and have genuine smiles and genuine fun because we are just all popped up on dopamine, you know, just from, from that. But anyway, and so, uh, one of the things I talk about in the book is w- we, there's, um, this group of scientists and, um, they do this kind of white coat test, right?
So they take this group of three people, and they talk a- they have the group one where they're just like, "Okay," um, they give them like a, a white coat, and they say, "You guys are doctors." And then they make them run through this series of cognitive tests. Um, then they do it again with group two, and they say, "You guys are artists," and they have them run through the cognitive tests.
And on the third group, they're like, "You just look at, at the coat. Don't do anything else." And then they had them run through the same test. Well, the groups that thought, the group that thought that they were doctors scored higher, um, on the test. They had, like, more congruency and things like that. They were able to stay focused for a lot longer, whereas you had the people that thought they were artists, um, they didn't, they didn't follow the same line of thinking, you know.
Because I would imagine that they're just like, "Okay, well, we get to be a little bit more free or whatever." And then the third group, you know, of course they scored the least, like they were just looking at it. So it was kind of left into interpretation. And so the same thing happens when you get dressed.
So you have that favorite blazer Your favorite jacket, your favorite sweater, your favorite denim button-down, whatever. When you think about how it makes you feel, and you have to really think about setting up your closet for success. What, what goals do we have this year? Who am I meeting with this week?
Let me look at my calendar. What are we gonna be talking about? What do I want that person to think or feel? You know, whatever. And dress accordingly, right?
Dr. J.J. Peterson: You're, you're giving a message wh- when you walk in the door, and I think the biggest key is it's, it's not like what message is the right or wrong message.
Mm-hmm. It's that you're being intentional about it. Yeah. You know, that's the thing, I think, for me, is where I was like, I don't have to show up in a suit and tie, um, when I'm working, say, with Microsoft. Um, but I do need to show up in a way that says, "Hey, you're one of the biggest and best companies in the entire world."
Yeah. "And I deserve to be here." Yeah. Because when I walk through that door, if I'm wearing flip-flops and shorts-
Toi Sweeney: Right ...
Dr. J.J. Peterson: that says something that's a little paper napkin-ish. Yeah. And if I show up put together with an outfit where my shoes match my jacket, that matches my belt, and it's all put toget- It's, you know, I've used a steamer in the hotel room, it says something about me.
And, and, you know, I'm embarrassed to say, very honestly, that it took me a very long time to learn that. And, um, and I still, I still am, uh, e- I actually still have panic attacks when I go shopping. No joke. Like, when I go shopping, I have panic attacks, so I need help with that. Um, but I, I now have a set of outfits that, uh, ac- I actually have a, I have a, a spreadsheet that is- Yeah
like, you can wear this jacket with these three shirts and these two pair of pants and these three shoes. I love it. So I can kind of go in and mix-match, so I don't have to think about it as much. But I can show up knowing I'm putting something together intentionally.
Toi Sweeney: But
Dr. J.J. Peterson: that's it. And so, yeah, I mean, that's a part of it 'cause you are, you're, you make an impression, period.
And i- you can not care about that impression, but that, it's just a fact. You can get angry that that's the way it works, but it is the way that it works, and that's the reality that happens.
Toi Sweeney: Yeah, and I think that it is the right impression, but it's not... I think we all kinda grew up like you wanna make a good impression.
But I think that good is the problem word in the sense of, like, who gets to decide that? And so because you get to decide when you're going into Microsoft what the right impression is, you just created a strategy that works. And so that, Dr. JJ, makes you a well-dressed brand because that's exactly what we're talking about.
Yeah.
[00:18:49] What Color Communicates About You
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah. So for me, I, so there's couple things that I've kind of, say- I- I'll, I'll just say upped my game a little bit with the help of people. Um, one, um, I show up with some signature glasses. Love. Um, so my glasses have, you know, a, a rainbow on the side. Love. So even if I'm wearing black, there is a spot of color.
Um, if I, um... And some of this I learned from you, so I do wanna go into this a little bit more, is that if I really need to show up with more of a serious tone that demands a little bit more respect, I show up mostly in black. Mm-hmm. If I'm showing up to a place where, um, it's more about building relationship quickly, I tend, and building trust quickly, I, I show up in blue.
Toi Sweeney: Yep.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Um, and then if I want to make a statement- Yeah ... like, I kinda wanna show up with a bit more energy, it's a bit more on the color side. Um, but I tend to, when I teach, um, I tend to kind of be in the blues and the blacks more than anything. Um, sometimes brown because, uh, I... Well, I'm gonna ask you what that means also, but-
but I tend to be intentional about showing up in blues and blacks because you had kind of shared with us, with me, a long time ago about what those colors mean when you show up in them and in being intentional. So let me just, let, let me ask you straight up. So I am now wearing a... If, for people who can't see, if they're, if they're just listening to this, I am wearing glasses that have a rainbow color on the side.
I'm wearing a light blue jacket and a white shirt. What am I communicating, and what brand am I giving off with those colors?
Toi Sweeney: Well, so I love, I love that you're wearing blue, and I love that it's not a dark blue, for those of you who can't see. Um, and so it, it was like a beautiful light blue. Some people who may read it as periwinkle, but it is, like, it's such a pretty pale blue.
It's my favorite shade of blue. I love this. Um, but blue is really the color of trust, and so it's all about, like, honesty and loyalty and integrity. So it makes sense that you would, um, do that when you're teaching or when you are with someone, um, where you need to make, build that trust instantly. It tells you that the person is more willing to do the right thing.
And so when you think about companies like, that are like bankers or they're in finance, this is why they wear so much blue. Because if you have a banker that's wearing a yellow suit, then I don't know if you're gonna trust that person with your money. Yeah. You know? Not, again, not- That makes
Dr. J.J. Peterson: sense,
Toi Sweeney: yeah
right? There's nothing wrong with a yellow suit, but are you really going to want to give, you know, your... Is Oprah gonna hand her money to somebody who shows up in this bright yellow suit, and she's like, "Mm, I love the way he's thinking different," or she's thinking different. I just, I love the way they're doing that.
I, mm, I don't know. I
Dr. J.J. Peterson: don't think so. Yeah. 'Cause is that what yellow means? Or like those bright, like does yellow mean- So- ... kind of like whimsy, do things different?
Toi Sweeney: Yellow is all about creativity and intellect. And so yes, that person is smart. Um, but again, I-
Dr. J.J. Peterson: You don't want them to be creative with your money
I,
Toi Sweeney: ex-
Dr. J.J. Peterson: You want it to be secure. You got it. That makes a ton of sense. Okay, interesting.
Toi Sweeney: One thing that I was reminded of this morning when I was looking at refreshing my thoughts about blue, um, and I must have missed this, 'cause I did not include it in my book, but blue actually slows your metabolism. And I was like, huh, that's kind of interesting.
Especially as we are in this, um, this state of the world where we are, we have to protect our peace, and we have to make sure that we rest. We have to make sure that we protect our nervous system, right? And so, and things like that. And so blue especially, the paler the better, so that's why I wanted to point out that you're wearing this beautiful pale blue, the more calming it is.
And so if I walk into a coffee shop and I see you there, and you have on your, your, your glasses that have blue at the bottom but black on the top, and you have the rainbow on the side, then I'm gonna look at, at you and feel like I can probably trust you. You know? There's something very calming about you that I'm not going to think twice about coming up to you and just saying like, "Hey, good morning, I really like your glasses."
You know?
Dr. J.J. Peterson: And which I get that a lot. I get that a lot. Yeah. Jamie and I have matching ones, so we hear it all the time. That's so cute. And especially from the queer community, they feel very safe coming up to us and saying hello, and you know, it's just kind of a signal like we are safe for people.
Toi Sweeney: You know, it's just like, like, "Hey, come here.
You can talk to me. I'm open." And I, and I love that. And that's what we're talking about is just that it is time that we, all of us have to stand in our power, and this is just a way that you get to take it back, and then you get to say what you wanna say, and not wear a jacket, wear this. It ha- It, all of those days are gone.
It's like you have to learn how to blend in and stand out at the same time. You wanna follow the rules, but within your own set of rules.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah. And what is, what is my white shirt saying?
Toi Sweeney: So white is always very interesting. Um, I don't know if you're aware of this, but it's like the Pantone Color of the Year, and in this climate people were just like, especially Black people, they were like, "Oh, hell no."
Oh, excuse me, Pantone ...
Dr. J.J. Peterson: white is the color of the year. I don't know, I don't know you wanna be putting that out there t- on any Instagram, but.
Toi Sweeney: Right. Dear Pantone, I beg your finest pardon. How- however, Uh huh, uh huh ... soon as we saw that bunny, and we were like, "Okay, I get it now." Um- Oh, yeah,
Dr. J.J. Peterson: yeah.
Toi Sweeney: But whenever I'm doing workshops and keynotes and I, when I talk about, um, the color white, I always talk about it, um, in terms of just color.
Um, and I like to talk about Apple, because when we are growing up in the sea of like, you know, colors, but mostly black headphones, then they come out with this sleek design and this packaging, um, that was all about hope and new beginnings, right? And that's what the color white represents. And so the first time you slid your first iPhone and heard that crisp click, you know, and opened it, it up, it made sense, right?
That they were saying, "Think different," right? And so, um, so that is really what whiteness, white is about. It's not whiteness. White is about- Yeah, yeah ... um, just being open, new beginnings, si- simplicity, um, wholeness. Um, but really it's all about trying something different. When we get into black, it's all about strong and confidence and power and control.
Um, it's about authority. It absorbs ne- the neg- negative energy. It's the color of sophistication, um, gives a little bit of mystery and intrigue. And so my brand colors are red, black, and white. Red is the color of ambition and determination. Um, and then, you know, you have it mixed with the other two that we talked about, and that really kinda sums me up.
That I'm always gonna think about something a little bit different, but I also always wanna be seen as that expert. Um, but I'm very ambitious, very confident. Um, but I love talking about the color red. I could talk about it all day, 'cause it is the most controversial color. But anyway, I will let you ask me about other colors.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Well, well, let me... Well, I would like to dive into that. So let's say, let's kind of now take this a little practical, okay? So let's say you are, so you are working, you mentioned, with, um, a lot of women-
Toi Sweeney: Mm-hmm ...
Dr. J.J. Peterson: who are stepping into new roles of leadership. Yeah. So, and there's r- you know, research out right now that like, um, in the entrepreneur space, last year more women started businesses and became their own bosses than men.
Mm-hmm,
Toi Sweeney: yes.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: For the first time, I believe. I don't, maybe not first time, but it, I know that, uh, last year, more women- Yeah ... became entrepreneurs than men. Yeah. They still do not own as many businesses as men. I think it's like 60/40 when you see, like, men who own businesses versus women, but last year, starting, women outperformed men.
So more women, like you said, are stepping into roles of owning their own company, leading in that space. Now- Because for some of them, this is new.
Toi Sweeney: Yeah.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Let's say, and, and I know this is all personal depending on the brand you personally want to put out there, but- Yeah ... somebody wants to show up. They're showing up into a new space, and they wanna be intentional about the clothes that they wear, say, into a new boardroom, into a new meeting with, like, other business owners.
What are some things they need to think about, about, like, you show up with a red lip. You show up in red often, which is- Yeah ... really showing your ambition. I sometimes show up in black. I sometimes show up in blue. But what are some of the things people should be thinking about moving into that space? I'm showing up in a new space.
I'm a new leader. What should I be thinking about wearing when I show up about my brand? Mm-hmm.
Toi Sweeney: So I have dealt with this so many different times. Um, I have a recent story, but, um, I also... So I ha- was just working with a young lady who, um, she helps teenagers get out of violent atmospheres in their community.
Well, her favorite color is pink And so, and it's just like, well, does she go in in all black, you know, and go, "I'm the authority, and I'm da, da, da, da, and da, da." You know, well, yeah, that strategy could work. She can show up in a navy suit, and she's like, "Trust me, I know what I'm talking about." But that just doesn't really fit her personality, and at the end of the day, you know, people are doing business with you, not your logo, not the co- like, any of, uh, of those things.
And so when she shows up, she's in a bright orange suit and with some pops of pink. Um, you know, she's looking like a good time, and, you know, but the work that she's doing could be seen by some as, like, really dark, you know? And so we were just talking about, like, when do you bring out all that color versus, like, when you probably need to get, like, a darker, you know, situation.
So we're like, "Okay, so here is gonna be your signature colors." We did a lot of pinks, a lot of yellows, a lot of different things, but I anchored it with navy so that when she needs to sit down and get funding for her business, she's in her navy suit with her pops of pink and orange. I also had a, a client that was very young and very new to the C-suite, and she had a mult- multi-million dollar event to put on.
It was her first one. And so I was like, "Okay, well, what do you wanna say?" And she's just like, "I want..." Um, and I don't wanna misquote her. It was actually her vice president of the company that was like, "We want badass bitch vibes," you know? And so I'm like, "Okay. We can dress that." And so we ended up, for her keynote, going with this gorgeous, like, teal pencil skirt.
Um, you know, sh- dark hair, fair skin, blue eyes, plunging neckline that was a little bit risque, um, you know, for her. And then there are studies that show that when you, when a woman dresses a little bit more seductive, it actually gives her a little bit more of a confidence boost. And so I was like, "Okay."
And so that was what we did for her. And so I would say, in general, you have to, like, especially if you have a product, if you're in the wellness space, then you wanna think about, like, green, but maybe your favorite color is brown, you know, because it's, like, a hot trending color right now. Uh, most people's favorite color is not brown, for the record.
It's like a no, no, no. But maybe. You know what I'm saying? And so you wanna just figure out, like, what's going to make sense and not contradict, you know, what you want people to think and feel. But remember, it's controlling your neural s- your neural activity as well. And so there's a thousand different ways to get your message across.
Still show up as yourself as well.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: When I show up confident in what I'm wearing, like if it's just even like it's tailored, like it actually fits me, and it's comfortable, and it's a color that feels like I feel good in, I also show up differently, right? Like, compared to if all of a sudden I have to show up on stage and my clothes are wrinkled and I'm wearing something that doesn't fit and doesn't feel good just even in the color vibe, then I'm like...
'Cause I, I'm not typically, like, a red kind of person.
Toi Sweeney: Right.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Um, you know what I mean? I, that's not really- Most people aren't ... my personality. Mm-hmm. And so when I show up, but like you, my friend Heather Adams, like, they, you guys have a, a, you, you show up w- in red a lot, and it works for you, and it, it works in the message that you're communicating.
But, like, if I sh- show, if I have a stylist who's like, "Try, I wanna you, I wanna see you in red," or, "I wanna see you in yellow," I'm like, that actually doesn't make me feel confident and comfortable- Exactly ... when I go onstage. So it's that dual thing of, like, what am I trying to say and what do I feel comfortable?
And so, you know, we've got the, the, just going over some of the colors you mentioned. So, you know, blue is a little bit about trustworthy. Red is about ambition, or, I mean, there's obviously more to all these, but red offers a little ambition. Yellow is creativity. Um- You know, black is sophistication and, um, and trust.
Uh, you know, um, b- burgundy is about elegance and elevated kind of brand. Um, you mentioned brown and green. Luxury. Yeah, luxury. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Um, so, uh, you mentioned also brown and green. Do you have any thoughts on brown and green?
Toi Sweeney: I have a ver- a very interesting relationship with the color green. I actually like to talk about, about it because, um, it's really about, um, harmony and balance and growth and vitality.
And I was in the situation in our lives where we moved three times in three years, and so I didn't really anticipate having all of this green in my home. Um, but during the pandemic, I really got into plants, like most people, and you know, like all the things. And so I found that when we moved into our final destination , you know, that it, there's a lot of green in, just in my dining room, actually.
Um, and then just to kinda tie some of the other colors in, I have a friend that's, like very powerful. She is a red personality. There is... Everything about her exudes power. When she enters a room, the way that she talks, descriptive words, like she is the walking embodiment of the color red. And so, and her house was like, all, she has a big, bold indigo, you know, dining room table and this big green, you know, you know, formal thing that has all her dishes, and, and yellow and whatever, and she's Haitian, and she's very powerful.
She's the most powerful woman I've ever met, and the kindest and the most loving. And so I say all that to say, when she walks into my home, where all of the walls are white, she's like, "Dear God, someone hurt me." Like, she hates it. And so, and I was explaining to her that, yes, because again, I was moving to a new city, back to white, re- you know, renewal and hope and all of these things, and I added the green that was really about vitality and, um, restoration and renewal.
Because I was in a new place. I was growing, right? So that just made sense that I was craving green. And I was talking recently to a friend of mine who her entire house is blue, and, um Brown, side note, is all about trust. Think about UPS. Um, like what can brown do for you? It's just, it's stable. But one of the other things that I was talking about recently on my Instagram is pink, because pink is the color of unconditional love.
And I was saying that like, "Oh, maybe for summer I'll do like pink nails and a pink lip ins- instead of the red." And so when I was talking to one of my, um, friends, her house is all blue and gray. Um, and gray is just kind of a neutral. It's like Switzerland. It's just kind of like, eh. You know? It's just like, I don't wanna make waves, you know?
And when I went to visit her again, I noticed that she started adding some pops of blush pink. And so I said to her, I said, "It's interesting to me that you've gone on this incredible weight loss journey, that you are plugged into your therapist, like you're doing the hard, hard work. And now that you're in this, this place where you just love yourself radically, you decided to add pink to your home."
She's like, "I can't believe you noticed that." I was like, "Yeah." I thought that it was kind of, you know, like you're in your soft girl era. Like, it's very flirty and very pink, which is interesting. And I'll say this and then I'll shut up. Pink was originally for men, and blue was for women And so- Oh,
Dr. J.J. Peterson: interesting.
Toi Sweeney: Yeah, and so pink was really, um, was for men. And so somewhere, I forget, it was, uh, like a, it wasn't Vogue, but it was like in... I think it was in The Times a long, long, long, long time ago, and they were interviewing a shopkeeper, and she f- really felt strongly that it should be switched, and then it was.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Love that, unconditional love.
Y- you know, uh, so I would love... You know, I, I see now why you said that brown is, like, the trending color 'cause, like, people are looking for that stability- Mm-hmm ... in that space, and why you're leaning into pink is because we also, I think, we need a lot of unconditional love right now as well.
Toi Sweeney: Yeah, and the communication piece of it.
Pi- pink has that communication piece of it that's like, you know, what they call, the French call, like, le tête-à-tête or, or something like that. I'm saying it wrong. But it's like that nose, that head-to-head. Let's have a head-to-head, heart-to-heart- Yeah ... conversation, and that's pink. It's really about this unconditional way of communicating and, and loving.
And people go, "Oh, red is love." It's not. Red is really lust. Pink is love.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Hmm. I love that. I love that so much. Well, Toi, I mean, we could, uh, talk about a million things forever, but I, I, I am just, I am so grateful for your influence in my life and just even kind of what you've remind me and, and not just on here, but, like, even on your own Instagram.
You're always so full of encouragement and support and challenge for people and a lot of fun, so if people wanna follow you on Instagram, they also are gonna get a lot of good stuff there. Um, so how can people, if they're interested in, like, working with you or being inspired or learning from you, how can people find you?
What's the best way for them to find you?
Toi Sweeney: Um, I am just Toi Sweeney everywhere. You can Google it. You can, you know, I mean, all of my business is on the interwebs, and so I'm @toisweeney pretty much everywhere, LinkedIn, Instagram. Um, yeah, and so yeah, just reach out, and let me know what your thoughts and feelings are.
We do all of those things over here.
[00:38:10] How to Stand Out Without Shrinking Yourself
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah, you do. So i- just to leave us then, you know, if somebody's kind of in this space and they're thinking about being intentional, but they haven't really about their looks. You know, they, I mean, they like clothes. They've bought some fun things. They know th- they, they like certain sets of clothes.
But if they're st- going, "I wanna be more intentional," what, what can we leave them with of something that, what do they need to be thinking about in this season?
Toi Sweeney: I think that, you know, in this great space of where everybody's talking about AI, and there's so much, like, fear and things around it, there's, there's a shift that's happening as, like, a light signal, if you will, that we're gonna be gathering more.
We're gonna be in community. We're gonna be outside. And so what you wear is gonna matter even more, um, because you may find yourself in spaces that you wouldn't typically be in, um, as leaders are going to be inviting more people in. And so now is the time that you insert your differentiator, all of your weird, all of your neurodivergentness, all of your unicornness, um, bring it all to the table and just show up, um, because at this point, we have zero to lose.
Um, you really, really, really want to be not in a sea of black like everybody else or a sea of whatever, you know? Like, really find that thing that speaks to your heart and just go forth and do it to the best of your ability because it has never mattered as much as it matters right now.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Truth. True. Thank you so much.
Uh, Toi, thank you so much for being here, for what you do, for the way you empower people, and, you know, uh, because we're in this context right now, thank you so much for being a badass softie 'cause you truly are.
Toi Sweeney: Thank you
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Once again, Toi challenged me on how to think about how I show up, and I don't like it.
If I'm most honest, I don't like it. I don't like that the way I look actually, uh, leaves an impression with people, especially with what I wear, but I know it's true. So I can either fight against that, or I can lean into that, and that's what I was really min- uh, reminded about in today's conversation, that I just need to be intentional, and I don't have to look like anybody else.
I don't have to dress a certain way to please other people, but I do need to show up in a way that makes me feel confident in how I look, and also gives off the message that I intentionally want to give. You know, I, I mentioned in the interview, I, I, I wear a lot of blue, and I wear blue because Toi taught me that blue conveys a sense of trust.
And also learned today that it slowed down your metabolism and makes you more calm. That's how I wanna show up in the world. Now, I do wear black sometimes, and it's... I'm intentional when I do that. If, if I really wanna show up and help people trust me to help them grow, and also help them step into a calm space, then the way that I can serve them is by showing up in blue because it just cuts through the noise and gets past that first impression in a way that allows us to actually get to the work that needs to be done.
And so I hope that with this conversation, you can be a little bit more intentional about the way you show up. Doesn't have to be all the time. I mean, sometimes I like wearing sweats and a T-shirt, and that is totally fine. But to be more intentional about how you show up in, especially new spaces, is actually an act of service for the people that you're coming to work with, be with, help.
It allows them to let down their guard and say, "Okay, this person is here for this." And I think that that is really powerful and really an incredible way to start thinking differently about how we're showing up in these spaces. So to close out today, let me leave you with this. May you have the courage to decide who you are before the world decides for you.
May you walk into every room with intention, not performance, but knowing you're there to serve, not to impress. May you carry the strength of black when you need to stand firm. May you embody the stability of brown when others are looking for something steady. May you step into the ambition of red when it's time to move forward boldly.
May you offer the trust of blue so people feel safe in your presence. May you bring the creativity of yellow so the room feels more alive because you are in it. And may you remember that your presence tells a story long before your words ever do. So choose it, shape it, live it, and shut it down. Not so people will notice you, but so the right people will understand you.
Because we believe you can be both ambitious and kind, fun and driven, powerful and deeply human. Your leadership can inspire, your success can have soul, and your ambition can make space for everyone. That's why you're a badass softie. We'll see you next week. Thanks for listening. Follow and subscribe so you don't miss an episode.
Bada
FAQ
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Description text goExecutive presence is the combination of communication, confidence, emotional steadiness, and visual signals that shape how people experience someone as a leader.es here
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Yes. Executive presence is not something people are simply born with. It can be developed intentionally through communication, self-awareness, confidence, and alignment.
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Not exactly. Personal branding focuses more on positioning and visibility, while executive presence is about the emotional and psychological experience people have when interacting with someone.
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Authentic executive presence comes from alignment. Instead of copying someone else’s leadership style, strong presence often comes from becoming more intentional about expressing who you already are.