Building Visibility Without Becoming Performative
Modern visibility culture rewards performance, but trust is built differently. In this conversation, Dr. J.J. Peterson and media strategist Heather Adams explore why so many thoughtful leaders resist visibility — and how authentic communication creates stronger leadership, deeper trust, and more sustainable influence.
Join Heather's upcoming Substack Strategy Workshop: Clarify Your Message, Map Your Content & Create Your Launch Plan. Learn more here - https://choicemediacommunications.com/substack-strategy
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Many leaders are not resisting visibility.
They are resisting the feeling that modern visibility requires performance.
Because somewhere along the way, leadership communication stopped feeling like communication and started feeling like image management.
Founders are told to build personal brands. Executives are encouraged to become thought leaders. Entrepreneurs are expected to constantly post, share, optimize, and remain publicly visible at all times.
And while visibility absolutely matters in modern business, many thoughtful leaders quietly feel exhausted by the version of visibility culture they believe they are supposed to participate in.
Dr. J.J. Peterson said it plainly during his conversation with media strategist Heather Adams:
“The promotional aspect of it… is so hard and feels honestly gross to me.”
Heather responded immediately:
“It feels very performative.”
That tension is becoming increasingly common among leaders whose credibility was built through:
expertise
trust
competence
relationships
and lived experience
—not through performance.
And increasingly, audiences can feel the difference.
Visibility Has Become a Leadership Requirement
Modern leadership requires visibility.
Whether someone is leading a company, growing a business, launching a book, building a platform, or shaping industry conversations, communication now directly affects:
trust
influence
authority
hiring
partnerships
audience growth
and long-term business opportunities
People want to understand who a leader is before they decide whether to trust them.
That is not vanity. It is reality.
But many conversations around visibility immediately become tactical:
post more
grow faster
increase engagement
build a personal brand
become more visible online
What gets lost is the emotional and relational side of communication.
Because many leaders eventually realize they are no longer simply sharing ideas. They are slowly learning how to manage a version of themselves designed to perform well publicly.
That shift matters more than most people realize.
Performance may generate attention.
But trust is built differently.
The Internet Rewards Attention. Leadership Requires Trust.
One of the biggest tensions in modern leadership is that the internet rewards behaviors that often weaken long-term trust.
It rewards:
certainty over nuance
speed over thoughtfulness
confidence over honesty
optimization over humanity
And over time, many leaders unconsciously begin shaping their communication around what performs well instead of what feels true.
The shift is usually subtle.
A founder starts sounding more polished online than they do in real life.
A consultant begins posting because they feel obligated to stay relevant.
An executive softens their real perspective to avoid criticism.
Someone slowly starts communicating like every other voice in their industry because it feels safer than sounding like themselves.
None of this happens because people are manipulative.
Most of the time, it happens because visibility culture quietly trains people to optimize for attention instead of trust.
But audiences are becoming increasingly sensitive to that disconnect.
People can tell when communication feels engineered instead of honest.
They can feel the difference between:
clarity and performance
confidence and posturing
connection and branding
And ironically, the harder someone tries to appear polished, the more distance they often create.
Authentic Visibility Builds More Trust Than Constant Content
Heather Adams has spent years helping authors, founders, and entrepreneurs communicate publicly. She has helped launch more than 150 New York Times bestselling books, but one of the strongest ideas in this conversation had very little to do with publicity tactics.
It had everything to do with authenticity.
Heather talked about how many people she works with feel intimidated by visibility because they assume becoming visible means immediately operating at the highest possible level:
bigger podcasts
national media
larger audiences
constant exposure
But her philosophy around visibility is surprisingly relational.
Instead of forcing people into highly performative communication, she focuses on helping them take smaller and more sustainable steps into public visibility.
She described it as “baby stepping” people into visibility:
smaller conversations
smaller rooms
smaller opportunities to communicate publicly
and gradually helping people build confidence without disconnecting from themselves in the process
That approach matters because sustainable visibility is not built through performance.
It is built through congruence.
The leaders people trust most are rarely the ones performing the hardest. They are usually the people whose public voice still sounds connected to who they are privately.
That consistency builds credibility.
Not because people expect perfection, but because people trust what feels real.
Visibility Feels Different When It Comes From Service
One of the most important reframes in the conversation came when Heather discussed working with people who genuinely resist visibility even though they have meaningful work to offer.
Therapists.
Founders.
Authors.
Consultants.
Business owners.
People whose work could genuinely help others but who still feel emotionally resistant to self-promotion.
That resistance often changes when visibility becomes connected to service instead of performance.
Because helping the right people discover work that could genuinely improve their lives feels fundamentally different than chasing attention for its own sake.
Visibility starts feeling less like:
self-promotion
image management
or constant content creation
And more like:
accessibility
trust
connection
clarity
and leadership
That distinction matters because many thoughtful leaders are not actually afraid of visibility.
They are afraid of becoming someone they no longer recognize in order to achieve it.
The Strongest Leaders Still Sound Like Themselves
There is nothing wrong with wanting to grow your audience, expand your platform, or communicate your ideas more publicly.
Leadership requires visibility.
But leadership should not require abandoning your humanity in the process.
The strongest communicators are not usually the loudest people online. They are the people whose communication still feels connected to:
their values
their personality
their lived experience
and the people they are actually trying to serve
That kind of communication creates something far more valuable than attention.
It creates trust.
And trust is ultimately what sustains leadership over time.
Because visibility built on performance may create clicks.
Visibility built on congruence creates credibility.
And in a culture increasingly shaped by performance, authenticity has become one of the strongest leadership advantages a person can have.
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[00:00:00] When Visibility Starts to Feel Performative
Dr. JJ Peterson: I don't know about you, but I do not have the easiest time with self-promotion. I don't love social media, like, oh, following the tricks and trades and how to make it all work. I don't love trying to pitch myself, 'cause it often feels performative, and I just don't love it. But I also know it's important that if I wanna get the word out about what I do and how I can actually help people, it's important.
So if you've ever felt that tension between wanting to stay true to yourself, but also knowing that you need to be more visible, I think this conversation is for you.
Welcome to Badass Softie, a podcast for leaders who are unapologetically ambitious and want to lead with heart because you're allowed to chase big goals without losing what makes you human. I'm your host, Dr. JJ Peterson. On today's episode, I talk with my friend Heather Adams. Heather is the founder and president of Choice Media, where she helps entrepreneurs and brands get clear on their message and show up in media in a way that actually serves people.
She's worked with some incredible clients and has helped get over 150 books on The New York Times bestseller list. But what I love most about her is that she doesn't just teach people how to chase attention, she teaches them how to show up with purpose. And in this conversation, we talk about what it looks like to put yourself out there when it doesn't come naturally, and how to take small and honest steps instead of trying to become somebody you're not.
So without any further ado, here is my conversation with Heather Adams. Heather, I am so excited you're here. This is going to be so fun. Um, I, you know, the reason I wanted to have you on Badass Softie is because you and I have worked together in multiple capacities, like kind of as friends, like kind of- Uh huh
working beside each other, working on projects together, helping authors. Um, you have, I... You have helped me with some of my own stuff. I have helped you with some of your stuff. You have 100... You've helped 150 books hit The New York Times. So I mean, like- ... it, like, this is not, this is not somebody who, like, you're not somebody who just sits back.
You, like, work your butt off, and you work hard, but you do it in a way that honors people and honors your team. And so you truly are the embodiment of a badass softie, and so that's why I wanted to bring you on the podcast. So I'm so excited you're here.
Heather Adams: I receive that- ... and we can just end right here.
Because thank you. Yeah. Like, that is so generous and kind, and right back at you. I, you know, um, I think about when we first got introduced in 2017.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yeah. Oh my gosh, almost 10 years
Heather Adams: ago. Almost 10 years ago- Yeah ... when you came in and transformed m- my business and worked, helped me work through the StoryBrand framework in my own business.
You have spoken and emceed our Choice Summit. Um, we-
Dr. JJ Peterson: One of the greatest honors, by the way, because I'm always the only man there.
Heather Adams: The only man. I mean- And that is intentional-
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yes, I'm like the only man invited ... 100%. And so it makes me, uh, very proud, yeah.
Heather Adams: But you and I are also really good close friends.
Like, you were at my 50th birthday. Yeah. And I just have to say really quickly, 'cause this will- be a testament to the goodness of JJ Peterson- ... which is at the v- at the, um, part of my birthday when we were gonna blow out the candles on my birthday cake, my husband had this thing where everyone at the party took a candle and made a wish for me- Mm
and put it in the cake, and then said, you know, like, something really, like, beautiful- Yeah ... as they made the wish. It was one of the most encouraging, kind, generous things people have ever done for me in my life. And then my husband at the end said, Matt said this really nice thing about me and our marriage and all of this, and he was like, "And now JJ," and he was like, "I was not gonna be the last."
"I was gonna let JJ end. I was definitely not going after JJ." And I was like, "What is he talking about?" JJ gets up, and he has written a poem for my 50th birthday that was customized to Heather Adams, and e- there was not a dry eye in the house. It was both celebratory, fun, a little bit sassy, but also, like, so tender and genuine.
And so Matt was like, "This is exactly why JJ went last- ... and why I did not go after."
Dr. JJ Peterson: Well, well, it was such an honor, and it was so easy to write because- Oh ... it just really, I just... And w- being a part of that, watching everybody honor you was so special too- It was so- ... just to hear everything that they said ... so kind.
So we have a lot of fun. That's just basically- We do ... the bottom line. We have a lot of fun, and yet also we get shit done.
Heather Adams: 100%, and both of those can be true.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Both of those can be true. I don't know that I've ever cussed on this podcast before, but I'm doing it now because- Well, there's
Heather Adams: a cuss word in the name
Dr. JJ Peterson: of your podcast- It's in the name- so I feel like you're okay ... so it kind of fits. It fits. So let's, I, I, I introduced you a little bit in the beginning about how you really work in PR and communications- Yes ... helping people get their message out there. And, you know, uh, one of the things I wanted to talk about today on the podcast is, and we'll go, I, I have some questions about how you got into it and all that.
[00:05:29] You Can Be Ambitious Without Losing Yourself
Dr. JJ Peterson: Sure. But really the bottom line is, very honestly, I, I need some therapy in this area- ... because- Don't
Heather Adams: we all?
Dr. JJ Peterson: Because I know that I have the ability, if through my experience, through my connections, through my education, to help people. Yes. Like, I, I know, like, when I show up in a room, I'm gonna help people with their messaging.
I know I'm gonna help authors create products out of their books, and I know when I show up in the room and things happen, that I have the ability to help people change
Heather Adams: their- There's impact and transformation. Yeah. 100%. And- I'm a living testament
Dr. JJ Peterson: to that. Yeah, and I can... It's taken me a long time to even be able to say that out loud, but to be able to do that.
But then the idea of, like, putting myself on social media and putting myself out there- Sure ... and trying to get on more podcasts and trying to get to-
Heather Adams: The promotional aspect- Yes ...
Dr. JJ Peterson: of it, yes ... is so hard- Mm-hmm ... and feels sometimes very honestly, like, gross to me. And
Heather Adams: performative.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yes.
Heather Adams: It feels very performative.
Yes.
Dr. JJ Peterson: And I hate that piece- Mm ... of it, and yet I also know- That it's necessary- Yes ... and it has to be done in the right way. And so that's kind of a little bit what I wanna talk about today- Sure ... because you help people do that. You help people put themselves out there. You make the connections for them, but you do more than that.
You help them clarify what they're gonna say, all of that thing, all of those things. Yes. So I wanna get to that, but backing up a little bit, what drew you to publicity? Like, back in the day- Oh, here we go ... you know, like, like going way back, 'cause you've been doing this for 25 years. So obviously- Yeah ... you know, you know what you're doing.
[00:07:02] The Power of Someone Seeing Your Gifts First
Dr. JJ Peterson: You've been in this industry for a long time. But what drew you to publicity in the beginning?
Heather Adams: Well, when I was in high school, I was the editor of the yearbook, and th- we could probably start a support group for the people- ... who watch and listen to your show who were yearbook editors or on yearbook staff at some point.
But our advisor, who was an English teacher, said to me, "You have a gift for storytelling." Mm. She said, "At some point down the road when people look back at their yearbooks," and I just had my 30th reunion last year, and I, you know, we were getting out the yearbooks. You look back and you recount, and it's what was detailed in that yearbook that helps you remember, right?
And it's all storytelling about the football games and the proms and the, you know, all the things that went on in your life while you were in high school. And it was the first time someone told me that, um, I was good at something that I loved.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Mm.
Heather Adams: So I loved writing, and I loved both oral and written, you know, communication, and she was, she was kind of underscoring that or confirming that for me.
So fast-forward to college. I went to the University of Georgia, and I was in the journalism school, thinking I was kind of gonna go that route, right? And I did an internship for the Georgia Secretary of State in his press office, and I worked for the press secretary and the deputy press secretary. And I saw...
Imagine, if you will, like Olivia Pope on Scandal. Ah. This is in the '90s, so it was well before Olivia Pope was a thought, right? But- I was watching the press secretary and the deputy press secretary be the conduit between their client, the secretary of state, and the media, and I saw how relationally driven it was, and how they impacted talking points for the secretary of state.
They impacted, um, messaging as far as, like, what his priorities were for the state of Georgia. They had so much influence into his role as the secretary of state. But then when you took that and you married it with, like, their responsibility to communicate that to the general public... And back in the '90s, you know, this was through traditional media outlets, newspaper, radio, TV.
Like, we didn't have social media and all of that stuff at that time. But I was fascinated, JJ, with that role because of it was like combining these things that I was good at and loved, oral and written communication, strategy, and relationship. Like, driving things so much through the relationships that you had with the people who were involved.
And so it was like, "Okay, like, this feels like a path I'm interested in." So that's ultimately how it all began.
Dr. JJ Peterson: I love that. I mean, I love that for multiple reasons. One, somebody speaking into you and- Yes ... seeing something in you from the outside and calling it out of you, which is really cool because I feel like you do that a lot for people as well.
Thank you. And then kind of discovering it and going, "Wait, this is where all of my loves come together- This can be a career ... and this is a thing."
Heather Adams: Right.
Dr. JJ Peterson: So you graduate from school, and then you, you move on, and, you know, now you own your own agency. Yes. But before that, you worked for publishers. You-
Heather Adams: Yes, I was in-house and ran the publicity department for the world's largest Christian publishing house, and it is one of the big five publishing houses in New York.
So they're... It's a division of Harper Collins, and... Now. At the time it was independently owned. And it was really there that I cut my teeth on working with major national marquee media, The New York Times, the Today Show, Good Morning America, People, ESPN, like, all of those places. Because my job was to take whatever books we're releasing in any given season and get media coverage for them so that the general public knew they were coming out and purchased- Yeah
the book.
Dr. JJ Peterson: From there, you ended up leaving, and then you started your own agency. Yes. And now you do that kind of the brand-building for... Specifically, you work with a lot of women. Yes. Uh, you do work with men, but you work with, help women kind of elevate their brand, get, build their business, not just from a publicity, but from marketing and communication- That's
Heather Adams: right
Dr. JJ Peterson: all that side of
Heather Adams: things. That's right. We have really three different- steps that we take our clients through. The build phase, they are building a platform, right? And some of them, they may be 10 years into their business, and they've built it because they're scrappy and driven and ambitious, and they saw a felt need, and they were passionate about it.
But they never really put strategy or intention or a business plan- Mm-hmm ... you know, to it. And so it's the building of that platform. Who is their audience? What is their messaging? Um, how are they going after them? What are they selling to them? How are they making money and generating revenue? So there's that build component.
Then there's the launch. They're opening a retail store. They're launching a book. They're, um, you know, launching a new course. They're launching a podcast. You know, whatever it might be, but they're launching something in their business. And then the third is the amplify. You know, they have built to a certain level, but there's a whole group of people that have never heard of them.
So how do we get them introduced to that new constituency, that new client or consumer base that would be a game changer for their business? So build, launch, amplify is, like, the three kind of stages that we walk them through. And our ideal client is a female founder or business leader who has a personality-driven business as opposed to, like, a product-driven business.
Yeah. You know, she is the face of her company. She hosts the podcast. She writes the books. She leads the business. Um, but it's not exclusive, the, that. Yeah. To your point, we do serve men from time to time. About 10% of our client base is men, 90% is women. And, um, and there are some businesses, like we have a distillery that we serve.
Well, that's a product-driven business, but the owners are the face of the business. Yeah. And so it just depends on the client, but that is the, kind of the majority of it.
Dr. JJ Peterson: And I've been able, like I said, to kind of be, see behind the scenes of a lot- Yes ... of those clients, and so many of them are such incredible people.
I mean, that's been a really fun thing about getting to know you, is you're also such a connector. Like, it's just that relationship aspect is, like, if I'm in a room and there's 30 other people, by the end of that, normally me, I might meet two or three of those people and sit off the side and get into a deep conversation, and you're, like, introducing me to everybody.
Yeah. You're always introducing people to and making connections and speaking so kindly. And so I've got to meet so many of these people. And- Getting back to now the therapy part.
Heather Adams: Yes, back to you, JJ.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Back to me. This is really all about me. That's why I do this show, is so I can have some three, free advice and free therapy.
So I, I mean, first off, love that trajectory, but I could imagine along the way that you have worked with and met people who maybe are like me, who are a little bit hesitant- Mm ... about putting themself out there-
Heather Adams: 100% ...
Dr. JJ Peterson: and doing, quote, unquote, "PR or publicity" in, and so- Or
Heather Adams: anything that feels, um, promotional- It's that performative piece
or performative part. Talk to me. Even social media for people is very, very challenging.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yeah. You know? So, so what do you say? Like, well, let me just ask this. What do you feel like people get wrong about doing publicity? Mm-hmm. What do you feel like they get wrong in that, in that mindset? What are they, what's wrong about their thinking in that?
[00:15:09] Authenticity Connects More Than Performance Ever Will
Heather Adams: Well, I'll go back to when I was working exclusively in-house at a book publisher. Authors write for a reason, right? And they're like, "I'm good at writing. Going on a radio interview, going on a podcast, going on TV where people have to physically see me is not my cup of tea. I like to write. That's what, what I'm good at."
And so I, I'm so grateful that I worked in that industry for so long, because it set me up for so much success when social media came out, because I had to work with authors to convince them, like, you have a story within you. You have something that is worthy of sharing, and you showing up authentically as you is going to be connective tissue with your end consumer, your reader, you know, whoever it is you're trying to care for at the end of the day.
And so I take that same counsel now. I have a client right now, she is in the mental health and wellness space. She is a therapist to men and women who have experienced significant weight loss. They've had, um, bypass bariatric surgery. They're on a GLP-1, whatever, and she's like, "Heather, I'm a therapist with people.
My job, I am not good at getting on TikTok and dancing around or getting on Instagram on a video. Like, that's not... I'm good one-on-one with people." And so just like with you, what I want is for people beyond who have the privilege of access to you on a day-to-day basis like I do, I have a personal relationship with you, I want people to be able to absorb JJ goodness.
I want the same thing for my client, right? She can only get to so many clients, but what social media and other platforms allow us is access to a bigger community of people where we can have transformation and impact because they got a little bit of that JJ goodness. And- I don't want you to do things that are inauthentic to you.
I think the biggest mistake people make is when they feel like they have to show up a certain way to compete with what else is out there. Mm-hmm. As opposed to showing up holistically as themselves. So for years, people kept telling me, "You need to niche down and only talk about book publicity. You've launched 150 New York Times bestsellers.
You have a huge track record of success. You've worked with the biggest authors in the world. You need to only talk about that." And I was like, "I also am raising teenage boys. I'm a baseball mom. I mentor college sorority women. I love fashion and beauty. I love hospitality and entertaining people in my home."
Because I show all those aspects of me, people want to do business with me because they see more of Heather. And so I think people are so afraid. I don't dance on TikTok, JJ. That is not authentically Heather Adams. Yeah. But I'll go on TikTok and do a trend with my sorority women that makes sense because that's a component of Heather, right?
Mm-hmm. Or I'll go on and talk about the fact that I'm on a GLP-1 because it is connective for so many women in midlife that are in my target audience, right? And so I think at the end of the day, when we show up holistically as ourselves, it ends up benefiting us in the long term. I have a, a client right now who has done a lot of business with us.
She followed me for three years on social media before she did one engagement. But that three, over that three years, she learned about me, our team, my family. She learned a lot about me, and that's what I want for other people that are nervous about doing that. It does not have to be perfect for it to have impact and for you to h- be able to connect relationally with someone.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yeah. And I think also, you know, so you, you said, like, showing up authentically is a huge benefit for your clients.
Heather Adams: That's right.
Dr. JJ Peterson: I think it's also a huge benefit for the people that they serve, right? Like, when they show up- Yes ... if they show up dancing, but that's not really how they help people That's right
then that may get a little bit of attention, but it's not going to actually draw in the right people who are going to buy those books, hire them to speak. Yeah. You know? And so when you show up, a- and, and what that means then, very honestly, is then they don't get the benefit of this person's wisdom, right?
So-
Heather Adams: That's right. You're, you're g- preventing them from the service that you offer. You're preventing them from understanding, achieving, um, interacting with that because you're keeping it from them.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yeah. And I think s- such a big part of Badass Softie is really me saying, like, you can show up as yourself and still succeed.
Yes. Like, that's-
Heather Adams: That's right ...
[00:20:19] Stop Building Your Business Like Everyone Else
Dr. JJ Peterson: you know, 'cause I think a lot of times in my own world, I've looked to these big name bus- people in business, and I've gained a lot of wisdom from them.
Heather Adams: Mm-hmm.
Dr. JJ Peterson: But if I try to build my business like them, I'm going to fail, and I'm gonna be miserable.
Heather Adams: Yeah, we worry too much b- by looking side to side- Yeah
instead of thinking about what is true to us, you know? And, and so I'm never gonna ask you to do something that doesn't feel true to you. Mm-hmm. But I might push you a little bit. Like, if you are not comfortable in front of a camera, let's do a few things that help you baby step into that. You know, like initially we might do some voiceovers with you over carousels or over B-roll or something like that, and show you, okay, see, this is your voice.
People are hearing you directly. You know, like, we kind of baby step you as- Mm-hmm ... opposed to it's just guns blazing or nothing. Yeah, yeah. You know?
Dr. JJ Peterson: Either be on the Today Show or we don't work with you, you know? Like, no.
Heather Adams: Yeah. Well, and the... That's a great example, too, on the media front. We don't start our clients on the Today Show.
Yes. Yep. I'm not gonna go put you there with no experience and have you fall on your face, embarrass yourself, the Today Show never invite you back, my reputation be mud with the Today Show. They know I bring them great guests, right? So I want you that, to have that experience. I want you to hone your messaging.
I want you to figure out how to talk in a four-minute segment versus a 30-minute podcast interview. Mm-hmm. Those are very different ways to connect with the audience and the host. And so, um, doing local media, doing smaller niche podcasts, doing things like that to get you that, um, experience and kind of working through things before you are in front of that major marketing media- And,
Dr. JJ Peterson: and you're never going to get that mar- key media without those small things anyway.
No. Like that's I think a lot of, if you're going back to the question about what if even people get wrong about publicity, it's like if somebody comes in without a platform, without being on smaller shows or being featured in blogs or having a following or anything, and comes to you and says, "Well, can you get me on the Today Show?"
It's just not gonna happen.
Heather Adams: That's right.
Dr. JJ Peterson: It's not gonna happen no matter how
Heather Adams: good you are. And they have to have something distinctive about them. Yep. They have to have something relevant to the end viewer, watcher, listener, you know, reader of whatever that media outlet is- Mm-hmm ... that that producer or editor is interested in s- so that they're ultimately serving.
Yeah. So when you're thinking about media, you're not just thinking about how to impress that producer or editor, you're ultimately thinking about, how can I serve the end consumer- Yeah ... who is watching, reading, listening.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yeah. I think that, that word serve is the word- That's right ... that for me helps me kind of show up- Yeah
when I don't want to. Like, when I don't want to be on social media, when I don't want to... Even with this podcast, right? Like, I love this podcast, but the idea of me posting clips, uh, from it is always a little scary to me. 'Cause it feels... It- I don't ever want it to come across as performative, but I also know I believe in what my guests are saying.
I know it's helpful for me, I know it's helpful for the audience, and it's a way that when I show up, I can serve people by, by doing it sometimes a little, I guess, afraid and imperfect.
Heather Adams: Well, and they're getting a little bit of that JJ magic by getting a taste of it that they don't have access to you in person getting.
So how charming and charismatic and connective you are, and how smart you are at making an observation and pulling that out and weaving that thread through. You know, like, they're getting a little bit of that by you stepping into maybe that uncomfortable space to have clips or whatnot. It also is bringing you business.
[00:24:16] Visibility Should Feel Like Service
Heather Adams: Mm-hmm. You know? And at the end of the day, none of us are doing this just because we wanna be on these platforms. We're doing it because we wanna serve someone, and we want it to affect our, you know, our business and- Yeah ... bring us additional clients or add additional revenue. I mean, we shouldn't be afraid to say that.
Yes.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yes.
Heather Adams: But it shouldn't be our only motivator, too, because there are people who are content creators for a living, right? And that's how they make their money, but they have pimped out their family- And it almost is just too much. It's like- Mm ... everything is about buying something. Yeah. Everything. So you have to make sure it's measured-
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yeah
Heather Adams: too, and it's not just every single post is about selling you this workshop or selling you this shirt at J.Crew. Yeah. You know, it's like it- there is a measured way of caring for your community- Yes ... and not just, "What can I get out of them?" Yes.
Dr. JJ Peterson: That's, and again, it's, it's like why, this is why you're here.
Because it really is, that is the badass softie. It's like w- I say always, you know, for people who are unapologetically ambitious but also wanna lead with heart. Because I think- 100% ... there's nothing wrong with saying, "I am going on social media. I'm gonna get myself out there so I can grow my business, and also so I can help people."
That's right. Like, those two things, I think, are o- they don't have to be mutually exclusive. That's
Heather Adams: right.
Dr. JJ Peterson: And I think when you sacrifice one for the other, if you just become about revenue, people feel it and they will turn away. That's right. And if you just become about like, "We're just gonna be friends, and if you wanna pay me, you can later," then, like, you're not gonna be able to keep doing- No
what you're doing.
Heather Adams: You're not gonna-
Dr. JJ Peterson: And you're not gonna help enough people.
Heather Adams: That's right. And we don't want to just show up so people think we're cute and fun.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yeah. I mean- You know? Some- sometimes.
Heather Adams: We want, we want that to be one element. I just, um, recently, like, redid, um, my own personal brand, and I put myself into three categories.
I have the CEO, so that is where all of the PR, marketing, brand strategy, like entrepreneurship, female empowerment, all of that goes in that CEO- you know, kind of bucket. I have taste maker. That's where, like, the f- things I'm, um, l- in love with, like, the, a new moisturizer I'm using, or fashion that I love in the spring, or a podcast I'm listening to, or a show I'm watching, or a book I'm reading, like that taste maker.
Mm-hmm. And then there's trusted girlfriend. This is where I talk about my midlife body, or recipes I'm making for my family, or parenting an adult child for the first time who's away at college. Like, so when you think of yourself in kind of three distinct categories, which I learned from you, people can remember you for three things.
Mm-hmm. You don't want five. You don't want 10. Like, what are the three things you want people to remember you for? Well, that badass component really is my CEO stuff. Mm-hmm. Um, I'm also a really great mom. And I have incredible boys that I'm raising into men, and that's a little bit of a softer side for me.
When I talk about, um, my body, that's a little bit softer side. Both of those things can be on my platform and serve- Yeah ... someone.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yes. I love that. And, and it's been fun to watch you kind of evolve in that as well- Yeah ... and really be really distinctive. And that, I think, is also super helpful for people too.
You don't have to be, like I think you said, you know, show up online and go, "Well, I'm only gonna talk about..." Let's say you're a financial advisor. "I'm only gonna talk about money." I'm gonna talk
Heather Adams: about money.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yeah. But people also do need to know why they're showing up on your page to follow you. Yes. So if it's money, and family, and working out, great.
You have three pillars- There are your three things ... and you can ch- But people know when I show up here, this is why I'm showing up. I'm getting money advice, I'm relating as a parent, and I might learn a few workout tips along the way. That's right. And that's why you're showing up. So it doesn't always have to be this narrow, narrow focus, but w- especially if that's not comfortable for you, you know, showing up in that way, you can kind of bring your fullest self to the table, and it's actually a benefit.
[00:28:27] How to Start Showing Up Before You Feel Ready
Dr. JJ Peterson: Mm-hmm. So for, just kind of t- as we kind of start to wrap up here, if, if you were talking to, say, again, say somebody like me- Mm-hmm ... so I, I've already had one book, but it was, I co-authored that book.
Heather Adams: That's
Dr. JJ Peterson: right. And I, uh, let's say I'm, I, I know I have some wisdom. I'm getting ready to maybe write a book.
I've got a podcast going on. What are some tips that you would give me and, and challenge me, stretch me a little bit? 'Cause I've already said it's a little hard for me. I don't wanna be performative. I don't wanna show up. But I have something I do wanna offer to the world. What are a couple tips you would offer me of saying, "Here's how you wanna start showing up-
Heather Adams: Mm-hmm
Dr. JJ Peterson: in the world"? And so for anybody listening that is in that same space, they're like, "All right. I wanna start building an audience. I wanna start building a platform. I wanna start sharing- Yes ... my wisdom with the world," what would you say to them, to me, of here's some things you wanna think about and start moving forward?
Heather Adams: Well, I think particularly with books, when someone is writing a book, they wait too late s- to start talking about the topic. Mm. They are afraid, "Oh, I'm giving away the farm, so nobody's gonna buy the book later." And my counsel is I want people to know you for that topic long before the book is on shelves, right?
So two years before your book is, you know, at the bookstore, you can be talking about content from that book so that people associate JJ with that topic. Mm-hmm. And then when that book comes out, there's this pent-up demand for it because they know you as the expert and authority on that particular topic, right?
So that's a huge mistake I think a lot of people make, is they're like, "Oh, well, I'll talk about 16 other things on my platforms, in my emails, on Substack, on social media." You know, like wherever I'm g- when I'm speaking at a speaking engagement, when I'm doing podcast interviews. They talk about everything else but what they wanna sell this book on, and that is a huge mistake.
So as you are thinking about building your platform and launching an initiative, and in this case a book release, you want to be building that into what you are sharing across your platform, um, well in advance of when that content is actually readily available in a course, um, in a book, at, you know, whatever the, the format that you're sh- distributing it might be.
So I think that's huge. The other thing I would say is try a bunch of stuff. Mm. Mm-hmm. You know? Like, try a variety of things. Um, I don't want you to try 85 things halfway. Try two or th- three things and try them well. Like, put... Invest the time and energy and intention into building out the strategy and the content.
You know, it might be email and Instagram and Substack, let's say. Okay, I'm gonna do these three things really well, as opposed to and I'm gonna do TikTok, and I'm gonna u- do YouTube, and I'm gonna do the... You know, like, try and think of what are three areas where I can do really well, and try it out. Right?
Ask your audience. You know, on Instagram you can poll your audience. In email you can poll your audience. Ask them, what are you loving? How do you feel about this? You know- There is so much that the audience wants to help you be successful by i- you including them. Mm. They just wanna be invited to the table, right?
And so when you go to them and you say, "Hey, I talk about parenting, I talk about business, and I talk about, uh, recipes. Which of these three do you love the most?" You know, you're getting information to help serve you so you know how to spread that out- Yeah ... and how to go back to your audience. So it doesn't hurt you to try something.
You don't have to have a beautiful podcast studio. You don't have to have fancy equipment. You can take your phone and shoot, and that is where people are relating because it feels more accessible to them. Yep.
Dr. JJ Peterson: I know you do work with people in Substack and other things. Yeah. But if, so if people are interested in hearing more about just the work you're doing and what's going on with Choice Media, uh, how can they find you?
Heather Adams: Well, um, choicemediacommunications.com is our website. That's kind of a one-stop shop. It should also be your home base, like your website you own and control. You, so you should have a, you know, home base there. Um, Heather Dixon Adams is all my handles, so whether you go to Instagram or, you know, whatever.
But, um, what I'm really excited about that we're doing right now specifically about Substack is we're doing a workshop on June the 3rd that is virtual, so anybody in the country. Normally, our workshops are in person. Yep. You've been in them- Mm-hmm ... with clients with us, and we are doing a virtual Substack workshop to teach you how to build your own Substack and launch it.
We've got the experience. We're doing it not only for ourselves, but also for clients, and having a lot of success there, and we feel like it is such an arm of, um, opportunity that people are waiting to jump on. And if you're an early adopter- Yeah ... you really are rewarded for that. Yeah. So, um, that information can be found...
Dr. JJ Peterson: W- yeah, that'll be in the show notes.
Heather Adams: Yeah. Yep. Absolutely there. And, um, and then The Red Lip Life is my Substack.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. Love you. I adore you. I hope that everybody goes and follows you and goes to your webinar, so this is gonna be amazing. So- Thank you ... thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for having me. And thank you for being a badass softie. Ah,
Heather Adams: I love it.
[00:34:28] Share Your Voice to Serve, Not Perform
Dr. JJ Peterson: Heather really is incredible, and- That conversation was so good as just a reminder for me that when I show up in social media and when I put myself out there, it really is for the purpose of serving my customers, serving my clients, and getting more people the help that they need.
And I think there was a couple things I took away from today's conversation. The first was actually in the very beginning when Heather talked about her teacher who spoke over her and called out in her something that she didn't even know was there. I want to be the kind of person that does that for people.
I want to look at people and say, "Hey, you're a good writer. You're actually good at what you do. You should lean into that more." And then if I can help them, I'm going to help them actually grow in their business and in their brand and all of those things. But just calling out the goodness in people, I think, is something that I want to lean into a little bit more.
And then the second thing that I'm taking away from this conversation really is to try to show up more intentionally as myself, um, in a vulnerable and authentic way. I don't have to be like everybody else. I don't need to follow all the trends. I don't need to, you know, f- find the little tic- tricks and, and lean into the algorithm.
I know that stuff's important. I actually do. I-- This is not me discounting any of that. I have a lot of friends who really do great jobs of tapping into the algorithm and being able to be discovered more. That is not going to bring me joy, and it's not going to be sustainable. So for me, I need to show up as myself, serving my customers, serving my potential clients, serving the people who are a part of my community in a way that feels real and honest to me, and I need to do it even when it doesn't feel comfortable.
I need to show up, and I need to serve people. And so if you've kind of been in that space of where you're feeling like, "Well, I don't wanna do this TikTok dance, and I don't want to, you know, f- figure out all the algorithms and how it works and what, you know, audio I need, trending audio I need to be using," don't.
If that's g- if that works for you, do it. If it doesn't, don't. Show up as yourself. Show up as yourself, lean into your own wisdom, lean into the way that you serve people best, and bring that to the table. 'Cause when you do that, not only do you win, but your potential customers and the people that you're serving, they win as well.
So let me leave you with this. May you find the courage to be seen, not for your own spotlight, but so that others can experience the good that you carry. May you take the next small step even when it feels uncomfortable, trusting that the bravery often starts quietly and grows over time. May you show up as yourself, not a polished version of who you think you should be, but the real version of who you already are.
And may you remember that when you share your voice to serve, not perform, you don't just build visibility, you make a difference. Because we believe you can be both kind and ambitious, fun and driven, powerful and deeply human. Your leadership can inspire, your success can have soul, and your ambition can make space for everyone.
That's why you're a badass softie. We'll see you next week. Thanks for listening. Follow and subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Badasssoftie.com is crafted by Fruitful Design & strategy.