Becoming a more confident public speaker starts with self-awareness, not performance. Understanding who you are, recognizing the value of your expertise, and knowing why your message matters create the foundation for effective speaking. From there, presentation frameworks, storytelling, audience engagement, and practice help turn that foundation into a skill.
For anyone who has watched a compelling speaker and wondered whether they could ever command a room that way, this is an important distinction. Confidence doesn't require adopting someone else's personality. It requires learning how to communicate effectively as yourself.
Award-winning speaker and Spark the Stage author Aleya Harris teaches this approach through three connected stages: Get Real, Get Clear, and Get Connected.
Prefer to listen? Press play below.
Why Does Confident Public Speaking Start With Self-Awareness?
The first step toward becoming a confident speaker is understanding yourself before trying to communicate with an audience.
When Harris examined what made her effective on stage, she discovered that much of her preparation happened away from the spotlight.
"My muscle for speaking gets strengthened the most when I am silent," she explains.
For Harris, that preparation includes meditation, journaling, writing, and personal reflection. These practices help her understand her experiences, identify what matters to her, and develop the perspective she wants to share.
She calls this first stage Get Real.
The goal isn't to follow a particular self-reflection routine. It's to become grounded enough in who you are that you can communicate without constantly questioning whether you should be someone else.
Dr. J.J. Peterson has experienced the importance of that grounding firsthand. Despite years of professional speaking experience, he recalls feeling intimidated before presenting to a small room of influential business leaders. His content, research, and presentation were ready, but he had to remind himself of his expertise and why he had been invited.
"They brought you here because they wanted help, and you want to help," he recalls telling himself.
That shift helped him deliver what he remembers as one of his strongest presentations. The preparation hadn't changed. His understanding of his role in the room had.
Do You Need a Big Personality to Be a Great Speaker?
No. Effective public speaking doesn't require an outgoing personality or a particular performance style. It requires using your own strengths to connect with an audience.
Harris is naturally energetic and expressive, but she doesn't teach her clients to imitate her.
"I'm never gonna tell you how to talk like me, 'cause I want you to talk like you," she says.
She points to a client, Katie Chen-Mazara, whose quiet, reserved presence was very different from her own. At a speaking event Harris produced, Katie delivered what Harris considered the strongest presentation of the event.
The reason wasn't that Katie had learned to become louder or more animated. She understood her personality and allowed it to shape the way she connected with the audience.
For aspiring speakers, this removes an unnecessary obstacle. A thoughtful, understated presentation can be just as compelling as an energetic keynote when the speaker knows how to use their natural strengths.
How Do You Turn Your Expertise Into a Compelling Presentation?
Once you understand yourself, the next step is to organize your expertise into a clear message that serves the audience. Harris calls this stage Get Clear.
She begins by developing a controlling idea: the one central message an audience should remember even if they forget everything else.
That idea combines three elements:
Purpose: Why are you speaking about this?
Subject: What are you speaking about?
Point of view: What perspective are you contributing?
The third element is especially important. Your audience may already know the general subject. What makes your presentation valuable is the understanding you bring through your experience, research, and work.
As Peterson reminds aspiring speakers, "Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for everybody else."
Knowledge that feels obvious to you may be exactly what someone else needs to hear.
What Is the STEAM Framework for Public Speaking?
STEAM is Harris's framework for structuring a presentation around storytelling, teaching, participation, action, and a memorable central message.
It stands for:
Story: Introduce an experience that illustrates the challenge or idea.
Teaching: Provide useful information, research, examples, or frameworks.
Experience: Invite the audience to participate through a question, activity, or interaction.
Action: Give the audience something specific to do with what they've learned.
Main idea: Reinforce the central message so people remember why it matters.
Harris uses the STEAM sequence three times within a presentation, building a rhythm that helps audiences understand and apply the material.
The framework also gives speakers flexibility. Instead of memorizing every sentence, they can understand the structure well enough to respond naturally when something unexpected happens in the room.
That's an important part of developing confidence: knowing where you're going without needing to control every moment.
How Can You Connect With an Audience More Effectively?
Audience engagement improves when speaking becomes an experience people participate in rather than a presentation they passively receive.
This is part of Harris's third stage, Get Connected.
Participation doesn't have to be complicated. A speaker might ask for a show of hands, invite people to respond to a question, or have audience members briefly interact with someone nearby.
Peterson describes using simple audience interactions early in his presentations. Drawing on his experience with comedy, he explains how getting people to respond or applaud can help shift their attention toward the stage.
Harris also encourages speakers to think intentionally about their physical presence. Gestures, movement, vocal tone, and volume can all help communicate meaning.
Rather than worrying about what to do with your hands, consider how your body and voice can help the audience understand your message.
As Harris explains, focusing on that purpose can increase confidence "because it's no longer about you."
The speaker's job isn't simply to impress the room. It's to help the people in it.
Can Becoming a Better Speaker Create Business Opportunities?
Yes. Public speaking can build authority, strengthen relationships, generate leads, and create opportunities beyond a speaking fee. But those outcomes are most useful when speaking is part of a larger strategy.
Harris experienced this when she began delivering free virtual presentations in 2020. Within six months, those appearances had contributed to $250,000 in revenue for her business—not speaking fees, but business generated through the relationships and visibility she developed.
She encourages speakers to think beyond individual engagements and build businesses around their expertise, with speaking as one way to reach and serve people.
That approach also requires practice. Each opportunity helps a speaker develop their skills, understand audiences, and become more effective at communicating.
The opportunities matter, but they are not where the process begins.
Where Should You Start If You Want to Become a More Confident Speaker?
Start by identifying what you know, why it matters, and what you want an audience to understand.
Then work through Harris's three stages:
Get Real: Understand yourself and the perspective you bring.
Get Clear: Develop a central message and organize it into a presentation people can follow.
Get Connected: Practice engaging audiences and creating meaningful relationships through speaking.
You don't need to become a different person to become a better speaker. You need to understand the person you already are, develop the skills to communicate your expertise, and keep practicing.
For those ready to develop that process further, Harris explores these ideas in her book, Spark the Stage, and through her speaking education programs at aleyaharris.com.
-
[00:00:00] Why Speaking Isn't Get Rich Quick
Aleya Harris: Speaking is not a get rich quick scheme. You will not get paid $50 million on your first speaking engagement because what chasing that dollar gives you is a hyper-focus on the wrong thing, to become a gig worker and not a owner of a thought leadership driven business.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Welcome to Badass Softie, a podcast for leaders who are unapologetically ambitious and want to lead with heart because you're allowed to chase big goals without losing what makes you human. I'm your host, Dr. JJ Peterson, and today do I have a treat for you. Today I'm speaking to my friend Aleya Harris.
Aleya is an award-winning speaker. She's a TEDx speaker. She is a best-selling author of the book Spark the Stage. She is, you know, fun, she is energetic, she is exciting, and she helps people learn how to take their thoughts and their business and put it on a stage. And she has a very specific framework b- to do that.
And, you know, I think for a lot of people we go, "Oh, I'm not a speaker on a stage. I don't know how to speak," or, "I'd like to get better at speaking." If you're thinking any of those things, this conversation is for you because Aleya gives some really, really practical tips on how to not only know yourself but know what you're saying and then what to get out of the time that you're on the stage.
So it's just, she's amazing. I adore her. She is energy personified, but she brings so much value, and I have watched her grow over the past… You know, we've known each other now for seven years, and I've watched her not only develop her own business but then now turn around and help others.
She truly is a badass softie, and if you are looking to figure out how to be a better speaker, how to get yourself out there more, and what to do when you're on stage, this conversation is for you.
So please enjoy my conversation with Aleya Harris.
Aleya, I am so excited that you are on the podcast. You know, I mentioned ahead of time you and I met through StoryBrand and have been working together in a bunch of different capacities for quite a while. But the reason I wanted to have you on is because we know that, you know, the joke is that the biggest fear that a people have is public speaking.
And some- Yes… which is higher than death, which means that some people would rather die than speak.
Aleya Harris: Die.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yes. And you have a way of showing up yourself that invites people into not only incredible information, but an incredible experience. And you- the way that now you have kind of taken that and continue now to help others with that so that they can find success in showing up as themselves and showing up with joy and expertise is really inspiring for me, and I have learned so much from you.
And so that's why I'm just so excited for the listeners to hear from you today, and thank you for being here, and thank you for being a badass softie.
Aleya Harris: Oh my God, you're gonna make me cry before the interview even starts. Oh my God, JJ. Well, that was wonderful. I just am gonna take that clip and post it every- I don't even need the clip of me talking.
I just need that. Made my whole little week.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Oh, well, yeah, I mean every word, and you really… Like, really, I mean, there's a reason why we've stayed connected for this long. You just continue to inspire me. And I also, am a fan of your husband and adore your daughter and all the, you know, the cuteness of your entire family.
So, I'm just so excited- Oh, thank you… for you to be here. So, so let- I'm so
Aleya Harris: excited to be here too…
Dr. J.J. Peterson: so let me kind of, I… You know, today I really do wanna talk about this public speaking side in particular, but you have such a broader background of communication, and even before that, you know, we go all the way back to, like, Chef and everything else.
But, but really, you kind of, when we met, we were, you were in kind of the marketing communication space, and then you've added this other element to what you bring to the table of helping people show up and be professional speakers. You've won awards. You've been an amazing speaker.
[00:04:44] How Aleya Became a Professional Speaker
Dr. J.J. Peterson: What made you lean into this public speaking side and presentation side, coaching people through?
What drew you to that?
Aleya Harris: I know what the appropriate answer is. I'll be, "Oh, it's my calling. Oh, the li- " You know what the answer really is, though? Money.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: say one other, I didn't even mention your, the, your truth telling that I love about you, which is also the truth. And you will tell me the truth even with, if- I will… you know, if it's about me, you'll be like, "JJ, no."
Aleya Harris: I love you so much, but that's not what we're doing on today. No, I mean, it was… Okay, so, okay, I got my StoryBrand certification February 2020.
I got laid off from my job as a North American CMO in February 2020, two weeks after that. And I was like, "All right, what am I gonna do with this?" I decided to start my own business. Cute, cute, cute. What happened in March 2020? Mm-hmm. Little thing called global pandemic. Yeah.
So I was like, ooh, and I had the bright idea at the time to only work within pl- things that I, l- lit me up, which is not a bad thing, but when the thing that lights you up is the wedding catering and events industry, and all of a sudden people cannot gather and hold wedding catering and events, that means that none of your clients got money, and I don't know if you realize how the food chain works, but if your clients ain't got money, you ain't got no money.
Mm-hmm. So I was like, "What am I gonna do?" And at the time I had a publicist who was like, "We're gonna speak." I'm like, "Great. Money, money, money." She goes, "You're gonna speak for free." I said, "I don't know about that." I-… free doesn't pay bills. It doesn't… You know, I just, I had just bought a new Mercedes, 'cause I am bougie like that.
Mm-hmm,
Dr. J.J. Peterson: mm-hmm. Free doesn't
Aleya Harris: work with any of that. She said, "Trust me," and I'm so glad I did. So I did. I spoke virtually for free. I was speaking multiple times a day. I was speaking in Florida, where the pandemic apparently did not happen. And I was like, "What, what? When does this end?" Three months went by, everybody gets their PPP loans.
They start getting money, and because I had been in front of them, they knew me, they had built this relationship with me, they started spending money with me. And I said, "Oh, I see." I was like, "Ah, thank you Yoda w- for your guidance on this." And then within six months I made a quarter of a million dollars in my business from free speaking.
That's how I got hooked, because I said, wait a minute, this is not just about what I thought speaking was about. Like, you see those people on stage like, "My life is so hard and now it's so wonderful. Learn from me and relish in me." Like, I was like, gag me with a spoon. That's disgusting. I don't wanna do that.
But once I realized that I could show up with the sole purpose of helping someone else participate in their transformation and get paid for it, I was in. And so I started doing that for some years. And you asked me like how I started wanting to help other people. I didn't. I super didn't. I was super selfish.
I was like, do you know how hard it is to build a speaking career, JJ? Like, it's a full-time job. I do, actually. I do. Yes, you do. I do. You do. And I'm like, I don't have time to help you. Yeah. I'm trying to help me. And I was, it was a year where I was speaking in person. I happened to speak at four consecutive events where after I get off stage, not to toot my own horn or anything, but there's usually a line to talk to me.
People wanna tell me their deepest darkest secrets, tell them how I touched them, whatever. I love it. I live for it. But it was these four consecutive events where people were like, "Yeah, yeah. What you did was cute, cute, cute. Took super notes. How did you do that?" And I'm like, "How did I do what?" How did you do that stage thing?
And I'm like, and then, you know, I always, you know, gave them advice, didn't cut them off. And eventually I was like, oh my God, this is like, people keep really asking me this. I'm just gonna hold like a workshop real quick, let the people give the answers, and move on back to focusing on myself
So I did this workshop, it was wildly successful, and then I also saw dollar signs again because I'm like, wait a minute, so you're trying to tell me that I can make money as a speaker and I can transform lives and people c- people can be better, they can get over limiting beliefs, they can get on the stage, they don't have to fear public speaking more than death, and I can do this at scale?
And so then I was hooked. That's where Spark the Stage came from, then the Spark the Stage signature and the book, and now we have Spark the Pitch, and now we have Spark the Platform. I really like the name Spark, and here we are.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: which I love, and I've been a part of, you know, watching that journey happen.
[00:09:31] Your Expertise Is Valuable
Dr. J.J. Peterson: And, you know, like I said, even at StoryBrand, we hired you to come and be one of our main stage speakers. W- it was only me, Don, and you. I mean, there wasn't anybody else. Yep. When I say one of the main stage speakers, it was me, you, and Don. And so we saw something in you as well of somebody who can, you know, not only command a stage, but also bring so much value.
And one of the things that just even in this as I'm listening to you that I think people who are listening can, can learn and pick up, begin to pick up is this idea that for you, speaking really was very natural. And obviously you have, even, even if people aren't seeing you on video, they can hear in your voice you have charisma, you have personality, and they may be going, "Well, that's easy for her, but- Mm-hmm
it's not easy for me." Well, but what are- Mm-hmm… the things that are easy for you that you think, "Well, nobody's gonna pay me to do that," that you actually have the ability to get on a stage and share? Something might… You're not, you're not gonna share the same way Elea shares, you're not gonna same, share the same way I share.
But there are things that you can do and wisdom that you have that are easy for you, and you're like, "Well, nobody's gonna pay that. It's super easy." And I would say, "No, no, no. No. Start leaning into that. Start listening to that and pay attention to that, especially if you're in a space… If you want it to be a hobby, fantastic.
But if you want it to continue to, if you're looking for ways to continue to grow your business, to put your authority out there is opportunity. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for everybody else." So as you begin that journey and pausing, and you s- you know, you've formalized this, but what were the things you started paying attention to that you said, "Oh, this is how I show up."
What, how did you start to formalize that?
Aleya Harris: I had no idea how I did what I did. I just did it. I'd use, you know, StoryBrand framework and all of that, but other than that, the intangibles I really didn't know. So I had to take a step back and understand where does the muscle of speaking get strengthened?
And you- it's kinda like watching, like, an NBA player or NBA game and being like, "Oh yeah, they're really good on the court," right? I mean, they all kinda look shorter 'cause they're all tall, right? So they all look like, it looks like they look like normal people, and you're like, "I bet I could hold my own on that court.
I bet I could," right? I play basketball, once a week at the Y. Like, I bet I could do this. Like, that's, that's what people look and they think of when they think of speaking. They see someone on stage and they're like, "I mean, all she's doing is, like, talking," right? Like, that's all that is. And I had to think of where my muscle got strengthened the most, and it had nothing to do with speaking.
My muscle for speaking gets strengthened the most when I am silent, when I am meditating, when I am journaling, when I am writing, when I am doing forgiveness work, when I am trying to be an open channel. That's the equivalent of practice time for an NBA player. It all happens off the court. It all happens off the stage.
And then it goes into learning a flexible framework that allows you to take the you you uncover in that time when your mouth is closed, to bring it to someone in a way that they can understand it for them when your mouth is open So that's how I teach people 'cause I've had to figure it out.
[00:13:13] Finding Your Authentic Speaking Style
Aleya Harris: It's getting real with yourself through all of different exercises, tools, whatever you wanna use.
I don't really care what it is. Like, I have people that their most favorite thing, like if I throw a bunch of things at my clients, they're like, "Do whatever sticks." It's walking meditation. I have people that are like, "No, I need to…" I introduced one girl to hot yoga, which is like my jam, and like that is now how she processes herself.
And I'm like, loves that for you. Whatever it is, you need to process yourself first. Because on stage you are a conduit for a message. And I'm s- and for me, a professional speaker is a performance artist who delivers helpful information from the stage that allows someone else, not you, someone else to participate in their own transformation.
So I had to get there, and then like, it was funny, you mention my maybe slightly louder over-the-top personality be- you know, just slightly. And, and I have people come to me that hesitate to work with me because they're like, "But I don't know if I can do that." And I'm like, "Nobody asked you to do this.
There's one of me, and that, trust me, honey child, that is more than enough for this current world." One Alayna Harris. That is sometimes too much even for me to handle. And what I want is for you to show up as you. I have one client, and then I'm gonna let you talk 'cause I know you have so much, you have some pearls to drop, and I wanna hear them.
But this is the last thing I'm gonna say. I have this one client who I tell this story all the time. Her name is Katie Chen-Mazara. And I produced my own speaking event called Speak She, and I trained all of the speakers to get up on stage. And the talks weren't keynote style. They were like TEDx style, so they were like 7 to 10 minutes short.
She is demure, quiet, stoic even. One could venture to say shy. And she was the best presentation. Sorry for the other speakers. Sorry, I love you all. I love you all so much. She was the best present- better than mine. I was on that stage too And she didn't try to be someone else. She grounded the room in a quiet power that kind of washed over you and gave you chills.
She did it because she owned herself. She owned her story. She didn't try to be anybody else. And when you own yourself, the power that comes through is m- it's majestic. So yeah, no, I can tell you how to talk, but I'm never gonna tell you how to talk like me, 'cause I want you to talk like you.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah. And that, A, is so genius that you call that out because…
And that is the first, like, really part of your framework, is understanding, getting real with yourself, understanding yourself. 'Cause for me, I've been on stages enough, and I've been, and I've done the work in the sense of like I've done the research, I've done the practice and all those things. When I struggle, it isn't because of the content, it's because of where I am as a human.
often it's 'cause I'm tired, you know- Yes… 'cause I haven't taken care of myself. Which people always ask me, "What's one tip you would give, people for public speaking or presenting?" I say, "Hydrate and wear comfortable shoes." Like- Mm-hmm… and I know for a lot of women- And try to sleep… they're wearing heels, but like for me, I'm like-
Aleya Harris: Yes, but there's cushions on the insoles.
You can get cushioned insoles.
[00:16:54] Speaking With Confidence
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yes. I'm like- Sure can… make your feet feel good, and make sure you're hydrated. And of course, get good sleep. It's nothing about the content. You'll… The content will come. And, and the times when I've even be- other than that, like, got on stage and really struggled and maybe even choked a little bit, which has maybe only been a couple times, I can remember the times, it was because I was not grounded in who I was.
Mm-hmm. I was at… I mean, I remember being at an event where I was in a room with billions of dollars, billions and billions and billions of dollars. It was a very small room. There was only about 12 people in it, but they all represented huge corporations, huge histories, founders, you know, names like Xerox and Disney and Shutterfly, like crazy names.
And I remember shaking before going on stage because I wasn't in that moment kind of grounded in who I was, and I hadn't taken the time to kind of center myself. And what I ended up having to do before I walked on stage was say, "In this area," because it w- I was speaking on StoryBrand, "you are the smartest person in the room.
You've done more work in this area than anybody else. They may be better at building businesses, they may be smarter than you, but when it comes to this space, you're the smartest person in the room. Remember that when you get up there." And I had to be reminded of who I was and why I was there, and I also was like, "You're here to help them.
That's… They want help. They didn't bring you here to try to make you look bad. They brought you here because they wanted help, and you want to help." So those really two things, you're here to help and you are, in this context, the smartest person in this room, allowed me to walk up on that stage and crush it.
Like, I actually, I then remember it being one of the strongest talks I ever gave. But it was, the content was there, the slides were there, the design was there, the research was there. That was all there. The difference was, did I know who I was and why I was there? And that is what changed me in that moment.
So when you take people and you start there with them, that is… I've, I mean, I've literally never heard anybody else start there. They, they might go, "Know who you are in your voice," which is what I help people do a lot of times, but grounding them in who they are as a human and putting them in that space is genius before you even get to the content.
So you start there with them, and then what do you, how do you then move them then, okay, great. So now you're grounded, you're doing yoga, you're you've got the affirmations, you're doing the walks. Whatever people need for that space, which I'm stealing all of it, but then what do you,
[00:19:34] Structuring an Effective Presentation
Dr. J.J. Peterson: how do you then move them through the next phase of like, okay, now what do you do on stage?
Aleya Harris: Well, then it's there getting c- clear because you can know yourself, but if you can't communicate yourself out, then it doesn't really matter. it's good for you, yay, but then you can't speak on stage. And so this is where my frameworks come in. I'm a framework nerd. I'm actually… I say I'm a storytelling framework nerd.
I don't know if I can say that all the way to Dr. JJ Peterson because he has his doctorate in it. But I am, because I started with StoryBrand, and then I was like, "Well, like, is there only one framework? Like, we got like a hero's journey. Is that, like, it?" And then I was like, "Nah, girl. There's, there's a lot.
There's a lot." Like I ended up exploring, like Kishotenketsu which is one from like, that's about, not about, it's conflict-free and like there's a whole bunch of other stuff. I'm not gonna go down my rabbit hole.
But I realized that the reason why I like frameworks so much is because they allow for flexibility If you know yourself and you're grounded when you're on stage, you're listening then to your audience, you're feeling the vibe, you're feeling from spirit.
I don't know, you could be agnostic, you could be atheist, it could be the great donut maker in the sky. I don't actually care. But you're feeling, and that means that sometimes your words may need to change based on what's going on in the room. So you need the framework so you know exactly where you are, what you're doing, what you're delivering, but you still get that flexibility to laugh, to joke, to…
There was one time I was talking about KPIs, and the woman in the front row gave the biggest belly laugh I'd ever heard. You can't just let that go because you need to stay on script, right? You need to be able to interact with the audience, right? So the way that I realized that I did it is I have very similar story right in the beginning.
You have what the, what they want, what the problem is. Then I put in the controlling idea, and for me, the way that I work with a controlling idea, it's like the purpose, the subject, and a point of view. So what are you talking about? Wh- wh- why are you talking about it? And what are you adding to it?
Which is kind of like when you're doing a dissertation or you're doing any large work, and there's been people that have done a body of work before you. So like nobody needs you to do that again. So what are you adding from your lived experience, from, from the work that you've done?
That's why we get real first, because you need to know that in order to develop that point of view that goes within your teaching inside of the controlling idea of this presentation.
The controlling idea is a one sentence that if they get nothing else, that's what they got, right? They're gonna get and understand that.
[00:22:28] The STEAM Framework
Aleya Harris: And then you move into STEAM. Do you know how excited I was when I, like, wrote down like what I actually did and it was like a cute acronym like that you could say that was STEAM?
I was like, I did not plan this. I was like, this is awesome. I would've loved for it to be SPARK instead, but I couldn't make that work. So it ended up being STEAM: story, teaching, experience, action, and main idea. So you tell a story, and I don't leave you hanging.
I have a crisis story framework that's a four-part framework where you hit them with a hook You illuminate what is the challenge, then you expand upon why that challenge matters, the three lessons that you get from that challenge, and then what that matters for the overall presentation.
So you're gonna do that three times. Then you teach them something. Like, for real, like not just like, "And then I lived happily ever after." No. You're gonna like whip out some stats. You're gonna bring in your frameworks. You're gonna bring in, you know, this case study. You're gonna actually teach them something usable that they can take away.
Then you've been talking at them this whole time, so they need to talk back, and you have an experience with them that leaves no dead air on stage. In mine, I do everything from chanting to call and response, raise your hand, high five, repeat after me, all of that stuff. You're-- The goal is not for them to Like have some aha moment.
It's just 'cause people don't wanna hear you talk at them for that long. Like they need to participate. And if you're not a natural person that is co- constantly engaging, you will at least do it three times in your presentation. Then they have their A, their action item, which is their homework, and then you wrap it up with a main idea, which is signposting so they always know where they're at.
You STEAM it three times, you get to the end where you have some type of final activity, right, or thought, like a Jerry Springer final thought. Very similar. You know, Jerry was way before his time. I'll do the, I'll do things like- Love him or hate him, he
Dr. J.J. Peterson: was before
Aleya Harris: his time… love him or hate him, he was before his time.
I'll do things like, think about your eulogy, right? And the purpose of this is not to make people sad. Think about your eulogy, think about your legacy, whatever. It's d- the whole time you've been trying to do what something that JJ actually really introduced me to and that I drove down a na- rabbit hole of, which is narrative transportation.
You're trying to get them to see themselves in your story enough where they believe that they can do it, and they're gonna actually move. They're gonna do something afterwards. So the final bit there is to really get it down into their heart so that they're like, "No, this matters, not for you, not for the person sitting next to me, but for me, and I'm gonna do something."
Then you have a call to action at the end, and you have your contact resp- information, whatever. So that's the getting connected piece, and with several nested frameworks so that you can just know the framework. Your content will come, and you can be on stage as they need you to show up for them.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: I mean, I love it.
I think everybody needs to pause and rewind when you have a notebook in front of you and write this down. What, what you're showing here, even if people are, like, in this moment not remembering what everything STEAM- Mm-hmm… stands for, like I said, go back and listen. But- They could
Aleya Harris: also do something, I've already taken the notes for them.
Go buy my book that's on Amazon
Dr. J.J. Peterson: and
Aleya Harris: anywhere books are
Dr. J.J. Peterson: sold. Yeah, 100%. Oh, we will be pitching you very hard here in just a minute. 100%. 100%. But the thing I want people to hear, even if you didn't catch every nuance of that, is the ideas to couple different things. One You can actually go through a process that can teach you how to do this.
[00:26:09] How to Engage an Audience
Dr. J.J. Peterson: You know, a lot of people, again, don't think, "I'm, I'm not a natural. I don't know how to do it." There is,
there are ways, and specifically the way Aleya does it, that says this is the process to go through when you can ground yourself and then actually walk through this thing and just ask yourself questions about the stories, about what you learned, about the actions people can take.
Small ways to engage the audience with it, even if it's just a hand raise. I often start out my talk with a hand raise just to get people engaged. Comedians, when they get up to speak, when they get up to, like, if it's a rough crowd, one of the things that we are taught as a comedian starting out is get them to clap three times.
So you s- walk up on stage and you say, even if it's like if the audience is dead and hard when you walk up, you go, "Hey, wasn't the last speaker fantastic? Let's give him a hand. And you know, how many people are here from, you know, Denver? You know, oh wow, do we have any out-of-towners?" Okay. Oh, that's your three.
And then we've got three claps. That's your three. You're just getting people to engage and lean in versus lean out and get their attention. And it could be, you know, "Hey, let's thank the wait staff," or, you know, the… All, but all it is is you're getting three interactions right off the bat to refocus everybody up there.
So even comedians are doing that, but this, you can do it throughout. So that's the thing, that's one of the things I want people to hear here is There is a way to do it if you don't think you're capable of doing it. The other thing that I think is really powerful that you're showing an example of is for everybody out there that you say, like, if somebody's ever worked with you and they just go, "I don't know, they're just different.
There's just something about them that's different," and you can't explain it, you need to stop long enough to explain it, figure it out. Frameworks are powerful because what it allows you to do is to duplicate and scale at a different level.
Because you've taken this, and you mentioned your book, but you also have coaching, you have workshops, you have online courses, you have communities, and you can scale it because you have a framework.
[00:28:16] Building a Speaking Business
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yep. So if you're listening and you're like, "Well, I have all this information," pause long enough to start thinking through, is there three steps to what I can, what I do? Is there five steps to what I do? Can this be duplicatable for other people? When you start doing that and create a framework, you actually then can bring va- Frameworks are so valuable, and it becomes a foundation for, for your knowledge work that you put out there.
So you've got this idea of grounding yourself, then actually showing up on stage. Is there any other piece to this that, like, then you kind of walk people through?
Aleya Harris: Yes, because then they go, "Okay, now what do I do with my hands?" Basically. Yes. huh. So it's like, let's talk about that. So then the third piece is getting connected, and it's, it's getting connected to your audience, and then also getting connected to gigs, right?
'Cause, like, you can be fabulous, but you need to get your reps in. I'm gonna say this for the people in the back. Speaking is not a get rich quick scheme. You will not get paid $50 million on your first speaking engagement. You need to get comfortable with the numbers of your own. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Because what chasing that dollar gives you is a hyper-focus on the wrong thing.
That means what you're trying to do is to become a gig worker and not a owner of a thought leadership-driven business. What that means is when you're not on stage, you broke, and I have a motto, no broke speakers. So doing what JJ said, get your framework together and build a business, not a job, that speaking is a component of.
You're saying to yourself, "Oh, no, but, like, I wanna be a speaker." Ugh. I'm like, "All right, cool, check it." Think about all the speakers who, who you see who make 80,000, 90,000, 100,000 plus. Do you think that's the only thing they do? Absolutely not. None of them are only speakers, even though you think they are.
Brene Brown still has consulting, right? They have books, they have workshops, they have things that they do. So s- I've gotten this vibe from people who come in that they're like, "Oh, well, it's a badge of honor to just be a speaker and to make money from a speaker." No, that's, that's some broke, some broke mentality.
That's what that is. So you need to be able to build a thought leadership business, so you need to know what you're talking about and have speaking be an element of it. And then when you're also getting connected, you're getting connected with your audience, that is a money-making tool, not just to make you feel good because I want you to not be like awkward on stage.
[00:31:12] Using Body Language and Voice
Aleya Harris: I mean, I don't want you to be awkward on stage. But when you are good on stage, speaking begets speaking. When you speak, someone in the room should be booking you to speak somewhere else. I usually get at least one to three gigs every time I'm on a stage. One, yes, I'm fricking amazing at what I do. Two, I treat it like a business.
I am getting email addresses. I am up there making sure that this is a pipeline feeder experience. I also know what to do with my hands. So when you're thinking about what the heck are you gonna do with your hands, I want you to think about your entire body and the room as a tool for helping someone else.
So as opposed to flailing around, think about, well, what hand movements would articulate this concept more effectively. Do I need big arms to, to say, "Oh my God, this is huge." Do I need to walk back on the stage away from the audience to illustrate maybe disconnection, maybe you feeling small, maybe an experience making you retreat into yourself.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Do you need to whisper because you're gonna tell them secret?
Aleya Harris: It's not really a secret, but it kind of is, right? Think about voice and your tone, your pitch, and your volume, and your… Do you go, go low. I often go low when I'm usually talking some mess. And then when I'm trying to-
All of it is on purpose and intentional to get people involved, get their whole brains involved. It's kinda like when you're writing something, or I'm sorry, when you're reading something, and you might use a yellow highlighter, you might circle some bits, you might whatever, and that helps your brain understand what's important, and it's not just a stream of words coming at you.
That's exactly how you want to think about your stage performance. It's not just about what do I do with my hands? When do I flip the slides? It's about thinking of yourself as a comprehension tool, and when you do that, it's amazing how you also will feel more confident because it's no longer about you.
It's about you as a tool. I know, I just called you a tool. I'm sorry, but it's true.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: It's not the first time. It's not the first time you've called me a tool, so.
Aleya Harris: Yeah,
Dr. J.J. Peterson: I mean, I love it because, I mean, again, you're, you're approaching this, this is another piece of the, you know, that I think for people listening of one of the things you're- you mentioned is kind of that point of view, your unique experience. The way that you approach this is unique.
Like, I think there's a lot of people who teach people how to speak and show up, but the way that you're bringing the frameworks and just the overall approach I think is so, accessible for a lot of people, 'cause it starts with getting to know yourself, then kind of getting to know your content.
I'm not sure how you titled that part. And then also then the getting, you know, to know, like, the room and control. How do you, what do you title those three things? What, it's, what are the three steps? get
Aleya Harris: real, get clear, get connected.
[00:34:28] The Value of Free Speaking
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah, get real, get clear, get connected. And the way you're approaching that I think is so strong, and I just, I g- you know, I'm just kind of like nodding my head to every single thing.
But that piece that you talked about, I think for a lot of people they think, "Okay, I need to be paid $5,000 to be on a stage or it's not worth it," or, "I need to," you know, or, "I'm gonna build myself up to where I c- then I'm making 10 grand a talk or 20 grand a talk." The truth is I have made more money off of free speaking gigs than I have for paid ones.
Aleya Harris: Absolutely. I'm sorry, say that again, Dr. JJ Peterson-… who is one of the most- Yeah… successful people I know. Say that one more time so I can go- Yes… and slay it for my clients.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: I have made way more money off of free speaking gigs than paid, because if I'm there to be paid, then oftentimes it's under their rules for their purpose.
They're bringing me in to entertain, so they'll pay me, like, say five, 10 grand to be on that stage, but I'm not allowed to sell. I'm not… So it's a product that I've sold. If I'm trying to build my business, even if I can do a virtual presentation in front of 1,000 people, what I always tell people is, like, "Would you go to lunch with 1,000 people if they were potential clients for you?"
100%. Why not show up for a 30-minute virtual session that costs you nothing and be in front of 1,000 potential clients? And then because you're doing it for free, usually then they'll say- Yes, you can sell at the end. You can put up a QR code. You can tell people to follow up. You can give a lead generator at the end for people to follow you.
Now, here is, so the way that I've approached speaking, it depends on the season that I'm in, to be very honest. Like, sometimes if I'm really busy and I can't be out as much, I will raise my price and make sure that it's either an audience that I 100% know this is a qualified audience that I can sell to and I'm getting paid to go.
So it makes it more worth it in that season. Mm-hmm. And then there's been other season where we have, where, and I say we because I'm about to sh- talk about, our friend who booked both of us who we hired, to a, a, a VA that kind of went out and got gigs for us, on the side that, I worked with an, an offshore VA that actually came from Elea, Elea re- recommended him, and said, "Hey, in this season, I just wanna be on more stages.
I wanna be practicing my new IP that I'm developing 'cause I haven't talked about it a lot. So I want more reps. I wanna be out there. I wanna work more. And as long as it's a qualified audience, and they're covering my travel expenses, so I'm not losing money on any of these, and I have the time, then book me."
There was a sea- He booked me for four things in one week. That was a bit much for me. But, and I, let me just tell you, one was- He's very good, by the way. He's very good, yeah. So one was, he booked me for a procurement conference, people who, like, b- buy, work for government and buy things, for the, baking, Industrial Baking Equipment Convention.
Aleya Harris: I would just like to say that there's a convention for everything.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Oh, yeah. The National Pet Walkers Association. Oh, shut up. and then there was one more. I can't remember what the other one was. Now- Oh… did all of those at that time produce a ton of clients for me? Did I get paid a ton? I did not. My purpose for being at those was to get the reps, to hone in, find my voice a little bit more, practice those moments that you're talking about.
Where do people laugh? And I needed to do that so that when I get in front of JPMorgan and all of the small businesses that they support, I have my moments down, I have my jokes down, I have my hand movements down. So that then when I get in front of JPMorgan, this is kind of the working on yourself, I'm grounded.
So I think all of that is so important to be thinking about because we look, you know, so much of what Badass Softie is about is- I think we can look to other people for inspiration, but you don't have to speak like everybody else. You don't have to speak like Aleya. You don't have to show up on stage like Aleya.
You don't need to show up like a Brene Brown or a Dave Ramsey or, you know, all these other people. You know, there's, there's a lot of people I look at and I go, "Oh, that's amazing." Patrick Lencioni is probably the best, one of the best business speakers I've ever heard. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I don't need to be him.
I don't need to be him. Nope. I get to be me when I show up, and that is actually gonna be more valuable for me and my audience than anything else, trying to be like anybody else. Absolutely. So if people are interested in learning more from you, how can they find you? What, where are some of this, this magic that you're bringing to the table?
Where can they find it?
Aleya Harris: I made it super easy 'cause it's literally my name. So you can go to aleyaharris.com, A-L-E-Y-A-H-A-R-R-I-S.com, and schedule a call with me if you're like, "Now let's do this thing." That's, that's my preferred method. Like, let's talk. I wanna talk to you. because we help everyone from speakers who are like, "I kinda sorta have an idea," to, "I've been speaking and I wanna speak more."
We have several offers along the continuum. so come, come as you are, like a, like a non-denominational modern Christian church. And, you also… Th- c- there's also a, a, a free resources section there. I have GPTs that will help you build your outline using my framework. We'll help you find gigs. I have my spark stash that I created really because I w- I felt bad talking to people who were getting bamboozled by the speaking industry.
The speaking industry is very opaque. So it's like, what is… What are you making? What are you doing? Nobody knows how much people are getting paid. Nob- nobody knows anything. And I was like, "Well, I do, because I am a speaker, but I also help book speakers. let me tell you all about it." And so there's that there as well.
And you can also buy a book there. So just go to aleyaharris.com, stalk me with love. I love that. And then, let's connect.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: This isn't just applicable to, you're like, "Well, I will never be on a stage." I don't care. There are stages, quote-unquote, that you need to be on, whether it's social media, LinkedIn, you know, all these different places, videos, webinars.
If you're out there wanting to communicate with people, this is so important. And, you know, like I said at the beginning, Aleya, you have taught me a ton. You have challenged me a ton. You have inspired me, and there's so much more.
I mean, we could have gone today 50 different directions, on even just your own life of building your business and pivoting and the different things that you've done and how, you know, what you went through in your own, path of becoming a mother and owning a business and all the thi- like, we could talk- Yep
we're, we're just gonna have to bring you back on and talk about all the other things, because I adore you- Oh, darn. I'm
Aleya Harris: so
Dr. J.J. Peterson: sad… and you are so good-… at what you do. Thank you. And I'm so excited that people got to hear you today, so thank you for being here. Thank you for being you, and thank you for being a Badass Softie.
Aleya Harris: Thank you so much, JJ. A time was had, and it was a good one.
[00:41:39] Final Takeaways
Dr. J.J. Peterson: I am always inspired when I talk to Aleya to just go. She's kinda, revs me up on so many different levels, but just gets me so excited about being out there and figuring out how to be on more stages. And, you know, for me, I do enjoy speaking. I like being on stages.
I, because it's a way that I can connect with people and offer a ton of value at scale in a lot of ways. I know for a lot of people that it doesn't work that way, and I would still challenge you, whether you're somebody who loves being on stage or somebody who's like, "Eh, it's not for me," to really listen to what Aleya had to say today.
And it all starts with understanding yourself, and that's really one of the things I think I am getting out of today's conversation, is this idea that yes, being on stage and practicing and getting all e- all the points down and all the talking points perfectly and the jokes and all that stuff is fantastic, but it really starts with who am I?
Why do I want to do this? And what is my motivation? 'Cause when I can ground myself in that, and the only… Then I am more powerful and stronger and more confident on stage.
And the only way that happens is if I pause and take some space, whether that's on a walk or whether that's sitting in the morning and journaling, or whether that's just being silent in the middle of the day Y- y- you can't ground yourself if you're always distracting yourself with things, and, and you almost have to be bored a little bit.
So it was just a good reminder of me of like, hey, take the walk, take the pause, get up a little bit early, and take some time to process, ground myself, remind myself who I am, why I do what I do, what my motivation is for, so that when it comes time to s- put in the work or get on the stage or be in public, that it matters, that I'm confident in what I'm saying and who I am.
So I'm sure you got something from today, but that's really what I'm taking away from this conversation. And, you know, like Aleya said, if you're interested, go to aleyaharris.com, A-L-E-Y-A harris.com, and just m- maybe learn a little bit more about her or, or buy the book, Spark the Stage, because that's gonna be able to help you kind of continue to move forward in this.
And so before we sign off today, I'd love to leave you with this. May you be able to find the time to get connected with yourself so that you can get connected with others. May you lean into your own experience, your own wisdom, your own way of doing things so that you can turn around and bless others with that same wisdom, knowledge, and experience.
May you be confident whenever you do get a stage to be able to be who you are and share what you know in a way that actually serves others, and may you be able to do it in such a way that makes you more money. Maybe it's not from the amount you're getting paid for being on set stage, but may you find a way to continue to grow yourself and your business in a way that feels right for you.
Because we believe you can be both ambitious and kind, fun and driven, powerful and deeply human. Your leadership can inspire, your success can have soul, and your ambition can make space for everyone. That's why you're a Badass Softie. We'll see you next week. Thanks for listening. Follow and subscribe so you don't miss an episode.
Badasssoftie.com is crafted by Fruitful Design & Strategy