Is It the Prize… or Your Mindset? Building Motivation That Lasts
Many leaders believe they’re being self-aware when they say, “I’m just not good at that.” But sometimes what sounds like maturity is actually a fixed mindset in disguise. If your motivation depends on recognition, rewards, or perfect timing, your effort will always be conditional. Lasting leadership isn’t built on better prizes — it’s built on growth and ownership.
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When Self-Awareness Becomes a Ceiling
There’s a version of leadership language that sounds responsible. Grounded. Honest.
“I’m not a sales person.”
“I’m not great at conflict.”
“I don’t do tech.”
“I’m just not wired that way.”
It sounds self-aware.
But sometimes it’s not.
Sometimes it’s a fixed mindset dressed up as maturity.
And that distinction matters more than most leaders realize.
Because when a belief about who you are hardens into identity, growth quietly stops. What began as reflection becomes limitation. What felt like wisdom becomes a ceiling.
The most dangerous leadership limits are the ones that sound intelligent.
The Difference Between Fixed and Growth Mindset
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research introduced the now widely known concept of fixed mindset vs. growth mindset.
A fixed mindset assumes your abilities are static. You either have the talent, or you don’t. You’re either good at something, or you’re not. Intelligence, creativity, leadership capacity — they’re traits you possess, not skills you build.
A growth mindset operates differently. It assumes abilities can be developed through effort, feedback, and repetition. Not overnight. Not effortlessly. But consistently.
The difference often comes down to one small word:
Yet.
“I’m not good at sales” becomes
“I’m not good at sales yet.”
That tiny shift changes behavior. And behavior changes outcomes.
Research supports this. Students who are praised for effort rather than intelligence choose harder tasks and persist longer. When struggle is framed as evidence of growth rather than inadequacy, performance improves — especially for those who had previously underperformed.
The belief that growth is possible changes how we respond to difficulty.
But mindset alone isn’t the full picture.
Where Do You Believe Control Lives?
There’s another psychological concept that shapes leadership just as powerfully: locus of control.
Locus of control refers to where you believe influence lives.
An external locus of control assumes outcomes are primarily driven by outside forces — the market, the economy, leadership decisions, luck, timing, the algorithm.
An internal locus of control believes your effort, preparation, and response matter. It doesn’t mean you control everything. It means you believe you influence more than you think.
When growth mindset and internal locus of control work together, something powerful happens.
You believe you can develop.
And you believe your effort matters.
That combination creates resilience.
Why Conditional Motivation Fails
If your motivation depends on applause, your effort becomes conditional.
If the recognition is loud, you show up.
If the prize is attractive, you try harder.
If the market feels favorable, you take risks.
But when rewards disappoint?
When feedback is quiet?
When results are slow?
You pull back.
This isn’t laziness. It’s human.
But it’s also limiting.
Leaders who tie effort to outcome visibility eventually stall. Because leadership often requires showing up long before the reward appears.
Sometimes the prize isn’t impressive.
Sometimes the raise doesn’t come when you expect it.
The post doesn’t perform.
The client doesn’t respond.
The growth feels invisible.
If your identity is fixed and your control feels external, that’s where you stop.
But if you believe growth is possible and effort matters, you continue.
Not blindly. Not recklessly. But steadily.
The Subtle Trap of “I’m Just Not Good At That”
Statements like “I’m not good at sales” don’t just describe ability. They shape behavior.
When repeated enough, they become identity.
Identity is powerful — and resistant to change.
But many of these declarations aren’t permanent truths. They’re snapshots taken at a moment in time, often during fatigue, fear, or frustration.
What sounds like clarity may actually be avoidance.
What feels like honesty may be protection.
And the longer a belief remains unchallenged, the more it defines the boundaries of your leadership.
The Culture You Create
If you lead others, your mindset becomes culture.
When you blame outcomes entirely on external forces, your team learns to do the same.
When you admit you’re still developing a skill and continue practicing it anyway, you create psychological safety. Growth becomes normal. Stretch becomes expected.
Ownership is contagious.
So is limitation.
Resilient leaders model both ambition and humanity. They acknowledge difficulty without surrendering agency. They recognize external constraints without relinquishing responsibility.
They don’t wait for better prizes.
They build better capacity.
The Question That Changes the Trajectory
Instead of asking, “Why isn’t this working?”
Try asking, “What belief about myself might be limiting my response?”
Instead of deciding, “That’s just not who I am,”
Ask, “Is that true — or is that familiar?”
Growth is uncomfortable. Especially when you’re tired.
But effort still matters.
Not because effort guarantees outcomes.
Because effort shapes identity.
And identity shapes leadership.
You’re Not Done Growing
Lasting motivation doesn’t come from better rewards. It comes from deciding that growth is part of who you are — not something you pursue only when conditions feel favorable.
You can be ambitious and reflective.
Driven and deeply human.
Still learning and still leading.
The question isn’t whether the prize is good enough.
The question is whether you’ve decided you are finished growing.
If this reflection resonates — especially if you’ve been feeling capped or quietly discouraged — consider sharing it with another leader who might need the reminder.
You are not done.
And your effort still matters.
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Is It the Prize… or Your Mindset? Building Motivation That Lasts
[00:00:00] When Motivation Depends on the Prize
Dr. JJ Peterson: How often do we tie our motivation to the prize?
If the post performs well, I'll keep creating.
If the client praises me, I'll keep pushing.
If the economy improves, I'll take the risk.
If I get recognized, I'll try harder.
How often do we quietly say, I'm just not good at that? Sales, money, boundaries, hard conversations, leadership. We call it self-awareness, but sometimes I, I really think it's just fear.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Welcome to Badass Softie, a podcast for leaders who are unapologetically ambitious and want to lead with heart because you're allowed to chase big goals without losing what makes you human.
I'm your host, Dr. JJ Peterson.
[00:00:47] The "Boo" Heard Round the Classroom
Dr. JJ Peterson: And this week my son came home from school and I was kind of doing the typical parent thing where I go through his backpack and I'm looking at folders and seeing things that I probably should have signed, three days ago to go back to school. And I found this sheet that started talking about how last week the Readathon started, the Readathon it's a big deal. The Readathon is a big deal, and I was a little surprised we hadn't talked about it, or I hadn't heard about it because he loves it. I mean, he will sometimes read two to three hours a night during the read-a-thon.
Now he's a strong reader. In fact, if you ask him what he wants to be when he grows up, he says he wants to be an author. So he reads a lot and you know, becoming an author is obviously like, you know, melts this author Dad's Heart. But when it comes to the Readathon, I mean, he goes next level. And I was just surprised he hadn't mentioned it.
And so I asked him, why didn't you start reading for the Readathon? Or did you? And we didn't talk about it. And he said, with a little bit of disdain in his voice, Have you looked at the prizes? So I looked at the paper and, I have to be honest, he was right. The prizes were not great.
There was like a pen or a little notebook, this like squishy toy. And he goes, do they really expect me to read for three hours for that? 'cause you can buy it for 50 cents. And then, and then he says, when they told us what the prizes were, Alex and I went, boo.
I have to admit, I had to stop myself from laughing and, you know, because it, that's funny. But I put on my parent voice and my parent face and I was like, Hey, did you really boo? And he said yes. And so of course we had to have a conversation first about respect. 'cause he really shouldn't be boo anyone, let alone his teacher.
Maybe especially his teacher, but also I wanted to say, his teacher didn't have to buy those prizes to begin with. She could have just said, if you don't read for 40 minutes a night, you're gonna get an F. Or she could have just said, Hey, you read or not. You're gonna, you know, if you wanna be good read, you know, the, the prizes were not required.
They were kindness. They were positive motivation. So booing them while funny in theory, was not the move. But the conversation then shifted. I wanted to talk a little bit more deeply about this. Because what I realized is he had attached his motivation to reading to those prizes, and that was not what he usually did. I was like, buddy, you'd love reading. You're good at reading. You wanna be an author. Why are you suddenly pretending you need a key chain or a rubber bracelet to read?
And we started talking about motivation and about finding it from the inside. And I think he just kind of got sick of me talking about it. And so after a while he kind of pivoted and he's like, well, it's hard. He started making an excuse, you know, in second grade I read more picture books and now I have to read books with less pictures. And I was like, boo, no I didn't. First off, I know the whole reading hard thing, the reading is hard thing is not true.
But I wanted to have a deeper conversation about the idea of like, where does your motivation come from? And I, I did, I didn't wanna let it go. And I wanted to say like, but you have to motivate. And also even if it is hard, you have to figure out how to grow in your reading. And before I realized it, I was having a full on conversation about growth mindset versus fixed mindset.
And I was talking to my 9-year-old about internal locus of control, uh, versus external locus of control with my 9-year-old. With my 9-year-old, I'm having this whole conversation and I wanted to have this conversation because I learned about these things a few years ago and they changed my life and it actually changed the way even I parent him.
And this conversation was reminding me why these ideas are so important. And so I wanna talk to him about this. But now I wanna talk about these things here.
[00:05:05] Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset Explained
Dr. JJ Peterson: So I wanna start with this idea of growth mindset versus fixed mindset. Something I learned that I wanna share.
This language comes from the psychologist, Carol Dweck at Stanford. She talks about how a fixed mindset believes that intelligence and abilities are static. You either have it or you don't. You're good at math or you're not. You're creative or you're not, you're a leader or you're not. It's all static. It's set. That's what fixed mindset is.
Whereas a growth mindset believes abilities can be developed through effort and learning and persistence. So you may not be good at it yet, but you can get better. And that little tiny word is what matters most yet.
There was a large national study where researchers gave high school freshmen a short online lesson about how the brain actually grows.
It was only about 30 minutes. It wasn't a big, long thing, but they taught students that when something feels hard, it doesn't mean that you're dumb. It means your brain is actually building new connections, new neural pathways. They even had students after learning about this, write letters to younger kids explaining how effort can actually change the brain.
And you know, that small shift in how those students interpreted struggle it, it actually led to measurable improvements in grades. Especially for the kids who had been underperforming because the belief that growth was possible changed how they behaved.
There was another study where kids were given puzzles and then praised in different ways. Some were told, you are so smart, and then others were told, you must have worked really hard. So the kids who were praised for being smart, chose easier puzzles the next time because they didn't want to risk not being smart again. But the kids who were praised for their effort chose harder puzzles and actually stuck with them longer. When effort was praised, that was the win and growth then became the goal.
In other words, when we believe we can grow, we behave differently. We try, we risk, we stick with it. And here's, here's kind of what then that brought up in me.
[00:07:36] When Fixed Mindset Sounds Like Self-Awareness
Dr. JJ Peterson: What I kind of think is interesting is I think that fixed mindsets often shows up in a way that sounds like self-awareness. It sounds like. I know who I am because a fixed mindset says, you know, I'm not good at sales, put anything in there.
I'm not good at blank, or, I'm not a numbers person. I am bad at conflict. I'm not creative. I don't do tech. When you say those things enough times it's not just like self-awareness. It really becomes an identity. And identity is very hard to challenge. That's fixed mindset. Growth mindset says, I'm not good at this yet.
I haven't practiced the skills enough. I get uncomfortable here, so I need repetition. I need reps. It, it shifts the story from something being fixed or permanent to, it's about the process.
Now in regards to my son, here's where for me it gets even more interesting.
[00:08:42] Internal vs. External Locus of Control
Dr. JJ Peterson: There's this, there's another psychological concept called locus of control.
This comes from psychologist, Julian Rodder. Locus of control is where you believe control lives. So does control live internal Is control inside of you or is it about things that are outside of you? Because external locus of control says, my outcomes are mostly determined by outside forces, like the teacher or the prize that determines my effort, the or in business, the economy. The boss. Luck. It's. Things that are outside of you are in control.
An internal locus of control says, my effort matters. My response matters. It doesn't mean you control everything. It means you believe you have influence.
The most successful people in the world have a combination of internal locus of control. What I do matters and a growth mindset. With my son. The thought was, you know, that the prizes were lame, so he didn't need to try. But what I really wanted him to understand was this, if your motivation is always external, your effort will always be conditional, right? Oh, it doesn't matter what I do. 'cause whatever I do, it just ends up blank.
If the prize is good, I try. If the recognition is loud, I show up. If the applause is immediate, I persist. Or well, if they're there, I'm not gonna try. If that boss is around, I'm not gonna do anything. But when your control is internal inside of you, it says, I read because I want to grow. I write because I want to get better. I practice because I care about mastery. That's a completely different fuel source.
[00:10:35] Why This Matters for Leaders
Dr. JJ Peterson: And as leaders, this is so critical because at some point the prizes are not great. The market does not clap, the post does not go viral, the client does not respond. The raise doesn't come when you think it should.
If your mindset is fixed and in externally driven. Then that's when you quit. You're done. You're capped. Fixed mindset and external locus of control means capped. It means done.
Growth mindset and internal locus of control. Well, they're not the same thing. They work beautifully together because growth mindset says. I can get better. An internal locus of control says what I do actually matters. That's when you find success, that's when you find joy, that's when you find growth. Fixed mindset says this is just who I am. External locus of control says whether I win or lose mostly depends on the circumstances or the people outside of me.
You know, like I said, it sounds like this. It's like I'm not good at sales and the market is terrible anyway. Have you heard you say that or have you said that even in your own head? I'm just bad at conflict and my team would never change. I'm not creative and the algorithm decides who succeeds anyway.
It's all about the algorithm. It's not about what I do. Whereas growth mindset with an internal focus sounds different. It says, I'm not good at sales yet, so I need reps. I'm uncomfortable with conflict, so I actually need to seek help or I need to have these conversations more often, more intentionally.
The market may be tough, but I can control how I show up. The algorithm may be crazy, but I can still create habits of creating content. One mindset locks identity and gives away power. The other builds capacity and takes ownership. That's the difference.
[00:12:35] The Lesson for My Son (and Us)
Dr. JJ Peterson: So again, back to my son, when he looked at those prizes and said, boo, what he really was saying was, if the reward's not good enough, I'm not motivated.
That's external locus of control. When he later said, it's too hard, I can't read. You know, that's a whisper of fixed mindset. If it feels hard, maybe I'm not good at it. If I'm not good at it, then why try? And what I wanted him to understand was this, you don't read for the prize. You read because you want to become an author and you have the ability to make that happen.
Every page is practice, every chapter is training. And yes, here's the truth. Sometimes it's hard. That doesn't mean you can't, it means you need to be stretched a little bit.
[00:13:35] The Formula for Resilient Leadership
Dr. JJ Peterson: So now let's just bring it back to us. How often do we tie our motivation to the prize? If the post performs well, I'll keep creating.
If the client praises me, I'll keep pushing. If the economy improves, I'll take the risk. If I get recognized, I'll try harder. How often do we quietly say, I'm just not good at that? Sales, money, boundaries, hard conversations, leadership, we call it self-awareness, but sometimes I, I really think it's just fear, or maybe even lately in my case, fatigue.
I'm just tired if I'm honest. I'm just tired. And then we kind of decide we're done growing because it's hard.
Growth mindset with an internal locus of control is powerful because it says I can develop and my effort matters. That's so important when it comes to life and leadership. This combination of I can develop and my effort matters is what creates resilient leaders.
Period. Leaders who don't wait for better prizes and leaders who are not derailed by difficulty, you know?
[00:14:52] Your Mindset Becomes Your Culture
Dr. JJ Peterson: And if you lead people, especially, I think your mindset becomes culture. If you blame everything external, like you shift the blame away from you and put it on things that are outside of your control, your team will too.
But if you admit that you're still learning and then keep practicing, you actually end up creating psychological safety. You create a culture where growth is normal.
[00:15:19] Questions Every Leader Should Ask Themselves
Dr. JJ Peterson: So here's I think the question for all of us this week. It's uh, it's pretty simple. Where have you given up your motivation because things felt outside of your control? Where have you quietly decided something about yourself that might not actually be permanent because you're not done growing and your effort still matters.
[00:15:43] A Blessing for Leaders Who Want to Grow
Dr. JJ Peterson: And so before I go, let me leave you with this. May you find the motivation that does not depend on the prize. May you stretch without deciding you're broken. May you keep turning the pages even when the prizes deserve a good boo. May you chase growth so boldly that the winds can't help but follow. And may you become the kind of leader who can win without losing yourself.
Because we believe you can be both kind and ambitious, fun and driven, powerful and deeply human. Your leadership can inspire your success, can have soul, and your ambition can make space for everyone. That's why you are a badass softie. We'll see you next week.