The Invisible Problem Leaders Don’t Know They Have
There are things happening right in front of us that we can’t see—not because we’re ignoring them, but because our experience has never required us to notice them. And in leadership, those unseen details don’t stay neutral. They shape decisions, relationships, and the way people experience the systems we create.
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Most leaders don’t think of themselves as missing something.
They’re thoughtful. They care about outcomes. They make decisions with the best information they have. And when something doesn’t land the way they expected, the instinct is to revisit the strategy, the messaging, or the execution.
But what if the issue isn’t what you’re doing?
What if it’s what you’re not seeing?
Because there are things happening in every organization, every relationship, and every system that are invisible to the people who don’t have to navigate them.
Not because they’re ignoring them.
Not because they don’t care.
But because their experience has never required them to notice.
And that’s where leadership gets complicated.
When Smart People See the Same Situation Differently
We tend to assume that if two people are intelligent, thoughtful, and working toward the same goal, they’ll arrive at similar conclusions.
So when they don’t, it creates friction.
Confusion.
Frustration.
Questions like, “How could they think that?” or “What are they missing?”
But those questions are built on the assumption that everyone is seeing the same thing.
And they’re not.
Two people can look at the exact same situation and walk away with completely different interpretations—not because one of them is wrong, but because they are standing in different places.
Their experiences have shaped what feels normal.
What feels like a problem.
And what doesn’t register at all.
The more useful question isn’t “Who’s right?”
It’s: Where are they standing?
Where You Stand Shapes What You See
Every person experiences the world through a specific vantage point.
That vantage point is shaped by more than individual experiences. It’s influenced by the systems people move through every day—culture, identity, role, access, and the environments where things either work smoothly or create friction.
When a system works in your favor, it tends to disappear into the background. It feels neutral. Invisible. Just the way things are.
But when a system creates friction, it becomes impossible to ignore.
You notice the gaps.
The barriers.
The inconsistencies.
Because you have to.
This creates a fundamental difference in awareness.
Some people move through the world without needing to think about certain challenges at all. Others have to account for them constantly.
Same environment.
Different experience.
Different reality.
Why Empathy Alone Isn’t Enough
There’s a common belief that good leadership is rooted in empathy—the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
And while that instinct matters, it has limits.
You can imagine what something might feel like.
But imagination doesn’t replicate lived experience.
It doesn’t capture the patterns.
The repetition.
The cumulative weight of navigating the same challenge over and over again.
Without that context, what you’re seeing is only a partial picture.
And partial pictures lead to partial decisions.
That’s why awareness matters more than assumption.
Because there are things happening in front of you that you cannot fully see on your own—not because you’re unwilling, but because your standpoint hasn’t required it.
The Leadership Cost of What Goes Unnoticed
The most dangerous blind spots in leadership aren’t the ones we know we have.
They’re the ones we don’t realize exist.
Because the things you don’t have to think about often feel like they’re not a big deal.
But those same things may be shaping someone else’s experience every single day.
This shows up in subtle ways:
A system that feels efficient to one group but exhausting to another
A message that feels clear to the creator but misses the audience entirely
A decision that seems logical on the surface but creates unintended consequences
When perspective is missing, the impact isn’t neutral.
It shows up as disconnection.
In teams.
In communication.
In the way people experience leadership.
And over time, those small gaps compound into larger problems.
Why This Shows Up So Clearly in Business and Marketing
You can see this dynamic play out in real time when companies try to communicate with their audience.
A campaign is launched.
It’s polished. Thoughtful. Well-produced.
And then part of the audience responds with, “This doesn’t feel right.”
Not because the company didn’t try.
But because the people creating the message weren’t standing in the same place as the people they were trying to reach.
When the perspectives that shape a story are limited, the story itself becomes incomplete.
And incomplete stories don’t just fall flat—they can create backlash.
Not because of bad intent.
But because of missing perspective.
The Question That Changes Everything
If you are responsible for leading anything—a team, a business, a classroom, a project—you are constantly making decisions based on what you can see.
The real question is:
What can’t you see?
Because the ability to lead well isn’t about having perfect awareness.
It’s about recognizing that your perspective is inherently limited—and choosing to expand it.
That starts with better questions:
Who is not in the room that should be?
What experiences are missing from this conversation?
What might this look like from a different point of view?
These questions don’t just improve decisions.
They improve connection.
Because when people feel seen, understood, and considered, everything changes—trust, engagement, and the effectiveness of the work itself.
Expanding Perspective Is a Practice
No one sees everything.
And no one is expected to.
But great leadership requires a willingness to see more today than you did yesterday.
That means choosing curiosity over certainty.
Listening longer than feels comfortable.
And being open to the possibility that what doesn’t make sense to you… makes perfect sense from somewhere else.
It also means recognizing that perspective is not something you can take—it has to be shared.
Which requires humility on one side… and translation on the other.
Because at the end of the day, everyone is trying to make sense of the world from where they are standing.
The more we can move toward each other—rather than defend our position—the more clearly we begin to see.
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What You Don’t Notice Matters More Than You Think
[00:00:00] The Things You Can’t See (Leadership Blind Spots)
Dr. JJ Peterson: There are things that are happening right in front of you, right in me that literally cannot see yet because of our standpoint. Not because we're ignoring them, but because your standpoint has not required you to notice them.
Dr. JJ Peterson: Welcome to Badass Softie, podcast for leaders who are unapologetically ambitious and want to lead with heart because you're allowed to chase big goals without losing what makes human. I'm your host, Dr. JJ Peterson, and
[00:00:34] Two People, Same Goal, Opposite Decisions
Dr. JJ Peterson: I don't know if you saw in the news recently or maybe on your social feeds, but there was this moment that really struck me. It was a conversation between Sterling K Brown and Dak Shepherd on the Armchair Expert Podcast, and they were talking about parenting and social media and how they show up with their kids, kind of publicly, like whether they're on there or not. And what struck me specifically wasn't really just like what they it was actually how they saw the exact same question from different perspectives.
'cause they were talking about how Dax and his wife, Kristen have been very very intentional about not showing their kids faces publicly and on social media. And the whole reason to do this to protect them and protect their privacy.
But Sterling K Brown shared that he makes a very intentional decision do the opposite. He actually shows his sons on social media. And his reasoning was that visibility and connection to celebrity actually creates more safety for his sons. If people know who they are and they recognize him, there's a protection that can with that.
And I think it was a bit of a shock to Dax 'cause he hadn't thought that before. And I think it maybe was even a shock to a lot of the people listening because they both had the same goal, protect their kids, but two completely different strategies.
[00:02:08] Why Smart People See Things Differently
Dr. JJ Peterson: And probably like me, if you were listening to that, you didn't think, I didn't think, one them is right and one of them is wrong. I don't think anyone did. We thought. Well, of course they see things differently because they're not coming from the same place.
They're looking at the question differently through two very different lived experiences, and I think, you know, in my life and even in our lives all the time, this is something we miss. Because we can assume that if two people who are thoughtful, intelligent, and care about the same outcome, that they would land in the same place in the same approach. And when they don't, people get confused or frustrated, or we start asking questions like, how could they think that? Or What are they missing? Why are they making such a big deal about this?
I don't think anybody did that with Sterling K. Brown.
[00:03:10] “Where Are They Standing?” (The Shift)
Dr. JJ Peterson: All of a sudden we had a new understanding of his perspective.
So what if instead of asking those questions, like why are they making a big deal about this? Or why are they saying it differently? What if a better question was, I'm gonna put this very intentionally.
Where are they standing?
What I mean by that is there is concept in communication theory called standpoint theory that I studied while getting my PhD.
And before you tune out because it sounds you know, too academic and nerdy.
It's actually really simple.
[00:03:46] Why Perspective Is Shaped by Experience
Dr. JJ Peterson: Standpoint theory really just means where you stand shapes what you see.
Your lived experience shapes what you notice, what feels normal, what feels like a problem, and what feels like no big deal.
And here's where it actually gets a little more interesting to me from the theory side. So standpoint theory actually this a step further.
It says that your perspective isn't just shaped by your experiences, kind of in the general sense. It's actually shaped by your position in systems. So things like culture, race, gender ability, socioeconomic status, even your role within organization, whether you're a leader of the team or you're at entry level position. All of these factors influence how you experience the world and what you're able to see inside of it. So just for a simple example here, if you are in position where the system generally works in your favor, a lot of that system actually becomes invisible to you. It just feels normal, neutral. This is how things just are.
But if you are in a position where the system creates friction for you, you notice things that other people don't, you see the gaps. You the barriers, the inconsistencies, because you have to. And here's where it even gets a little deeper. One more important idea inside of standpoint theory is this, people in marginalized positions often develop a broader perspective because they have to understand both their own experience and the dominant experience in the world that they have to navigate.
So while people in positions power or majority, often don't have to think about it in the same way, they can move through the world without ever needing to consider another standpoint in a deep way.
And what I wanna be clear about here is this isn't about blame. This isn't about fault, it's about awareness. Because what this means there are things that are happening right in front of you, right in me that literally cannot see yet because of our standpoint. Not because we're ignoring them, but because your standpoint has not required you to notice them.
And thats why simply saying, well, I can put myself people's shoes. It's a good instinct, but it's not the same as lived experience. You can imagine what something might feel like, but unless someone helps you see the patterns, the pressures, the repeated moments, you are only getting a partial picture. That's why standpoint matters so much, because it reminds us. If you want to see more clearly, we need more than our own perspective.
And here's the good news though, we're not stuck our own standpoint. We may not be able fully live someone else's experience, but we can learn from it. We can ask better questions, we can listen longer. We can invite people to show us what we're missing. We can choose curiosity, over certainty. We can choose humility, over assumption. And over time our perspective, our standpoint can expand. Not we suddenly become someone else. But because we're willing to learn from where they stand, and that's what makes better leaders, not people who see everything perfectly, but people who are willing to see more today than they did yesterday. And in order to lead someone well, to lead teams well and fully include everyone in the conversations we're having, we need to understand some things.
[00:07:48] What You Don’t Notice Still Matters (Leadership Impact)
Dr. JJ Peterson: The things you don't have to think about are often the things you assume are not a big deal. But they may be the very things that are impacting your team, your friends, your family, the most.
So let me give you a simple example. If I walk into a building, I never have to think about where the ramps are, whether the doors are accessible, how far I have to walk, whether I'm gonna be able to navigate the space easily.
Accessibility doesn't feel like a big issue to me because I'm in the majority. I am abled, and so I don't have to think accessibility. I don't wake up thinking about it. I don't to meetings thinking about it. And more importantly, I don't instinctively design systems thinking about it.
But for someone who is physically disabled, that calculations happens constantly and often instantly. Every building, every meeting, every travel plan. If you're somebody who who brings up accessibility again and again and again. From your standpoint, it might feel like, why does this keep coming up?
But from another person's standpoint, the answer is because it affects me every single day. Same world, different vantage points.
This shows everywhere. It shows up in how we lead teams. It shows up in how we build businesses. It shows in how we tell stories.
[00:09:24] When Perspective Is Missing (Marketing & Real Examples)
Dr. JJ Peterson: In my world, the marketing world, often shows up in how companies tell stories in their marketing. There is a reason why some marketing just doesn't land and creates backlash.
I mean, you've probably seen this before. A company launches a campaign. It looks great, it sounds polished, and then part of the audience responds with, "uh, hub. This doesn't feel good. It feels off", not because the company didn't try, but because the people creating the message weren't standing in the same place as the people they were trying to reach.
I'm gonna give you a very personal example here. There was a Snickers Super Bowl Commercial a few years ago, and I don't know if you remember this, but there were two mechanics working on a car, and one of them takes a Snickers out of his pocket and he puts it in his mouth and he just kind of chewing on it.
Well, the other guy sees it and it looks delicious. So he starts chewing from the other end and they ended up having this like lady and the tramp kind moment where they were eating towards each other and they ended up kissing. And all of a sudden when they kissed, they both freaked out and jumped back away from each other, and one of says, quick, do something manly. And the other guy takes off his shirt and he grabs his chest hair and he just it off screaming.
Now I remember being people and everyone was laughing, and I'll be honest, I was even laughing a little bit too. It it, it is funny, however, I had to pause a little bit.
Because anytime there is a commercial where the butt of the joke is about two guys kissing and how unmanly or hilarious that is, that two guys would kiss. It just doesn't sit right with me. Because here's my standpoint, I'm married to a man who I kiss all the time
Host: and
Dr. JJ Peterson: and. that's one piece of it, but there's whole other world that I have to navigate in that context.
See, I've been in situations here in Tennessee where over the phone someone has agreed to provide a service for me, and then I've shown up with my husband and they've told me they can't help me. No explanation. They just see us together and they have refused that still happens.
Now for my straight friends, they go, how does that happen, in this day and age? How can you be refused service? I'm telling you, it happens, and that may not be your standpoint, but it is mine.
I don't love when my life or kissing my husband becomes a thing that will make people laugh or recoil in disgust. Ultimately, that's not funny for me, and that plays into other areas of my life, like trying to get my car fixed. And people can say, you know, oh, you didn't like that commercial. You're just being too sensitive. And you know what? Depending on the day that may be true. I'll just be honest with you.
Some days it's funny and there are other days where I'm like, I just can't handle this. But what people don't understand is when I look at that commercial and I see something different from you. That is my standpoint. And I doubt most straight people had that same perspective when watching that commercial. They didn't have to. Because when and where they give a little kiss to partner is not something they have to think about.
But it's something I have to think about every single day. Now, taking this outside of my own personal example and how it begins to affect business.
So a few years ago, Shea moisturizer release an ad that was supposed to be about universal struggle women have with their hair. And on the surface it looked like they were trying to be inclusive because there was. A black woman in the commercial, but the commercial mostly featured white women with straight hair talking about all of their frustrations with their hair, with very little representation of the women who had actually built the brand in the first place.
And the response was immediate. Black women who had been their core audience for years felt completely left out of story, not just missed, but erased because the reality is the relationship many black women have with their hair isn't just about inconvenience preference. It's tied to identity and history and in many cases real experiences of discrimination.
And that didn't show up in the ad. I don't know who was in the room when campaign was made, but I do know this. When the people most affected by the story aren't helping to to shape it, you miss things, big things. And to their credit, they owned it and they pulled the ad. But it's such a clear example of what happens when standpoint is missing. Not bad intent, just missing perspective.
So this is where the leadership conversation happens, right?
[00:14:36] The Leadership Question That Changes Everything
Dr. JJ Peterson: Because if you are leading anything, a company, a team, a brand, a movement, if you are a teacher in a classroom, you are constantly making decisions based on what you can see. The question is, what can't you see? Because standpoint theory reminds us of something really important. You can imagine someone else's experience, but you cannot fully understand it unless they help you see it.
And again, that's not a failure. That's just human. But great leaders don't stop there. They don't say, well, I don't see it, so must not be real. Or maybe we kind of have to think about this a little bit. No, no, no. They curious. They ask better questions. They invite different perspectives into the room. They ask things like, who's not here that should be here? What might me we be missing? What would this look like from someone else's point of view? Because when you more standpoints in the room, you see more clearly, you avoid blind spots, you make better decisions.
And it's not just about avoiding mistake, it's about connection. And honestly, it's about good business.
If you want to connect with more people, you have to understand more people. And that doesn't happen by guessing. It happens by listening. Not listening to respond. Not listening defend your position. Listening to understand, and for goodness sake, invite more voices into the room.
Be intentional about who is there, and even more importantly, when they speak listen. Because when somebody is talking about an experience that feels foreign to you, oftentimes our instinct is to say, well, I don't see it that way. And you're probably right, you don't. That's the point.
But instead of asking, why is this such a big deal, try asking, what are you seeing that I might be missing?
That question will make you a better leader. It will make you a better communicator, a better partner, a better human.
And if you're on the other side of that, if you're the one who sees something, others don't, there's an invitation for you too. Help people see, not by overwhelming them, not by assuming bad intent, but by translating your experience into something they can begin to understand.
And trust me, I get it sometimes explaining to other people what you're going through feels like a burden, and I can sometimes find myself saying, it is not my responsibility to educate you on my pain.
Because I wanna be seen, I wanna just be understood automatically. But the truth is, standpoint, theory tells us it won't be seen.
It never will unless someone helps us see it,
Because we're all just doing the same thing. We're all trying to make sense of this crazy world from where we are standing. And the more we can learn to step toward each other, the more clearly we can see.
And I'm so grateful for Sterling K for bringing that perspective to the table because that is not a standpoint or a perspective that I would see. So I am so grateful for being educated in that space about this conversation. I hope you are as well.
[00:18:13] A Challenge to See Differently (Closing + Toast)
Dr. JJ Peterson: So here's my hope for you this week that you slow down enough just to notice when something just doesn't make sense.
Not so you can dismiss it, but so you can get curious about it. That you can ask one more question. That you can listen a little longer. That you consider the possibility that the person in front of you isn't wrong, they're just standing somewhere else. That is what it means to be a great leader. To understand that you show up in the world with specific standpoint and other people have a different experience that gives them the ability to see things that you might be missing.
So before we go, I want to offer you a toast.
May you have the courage it takes to see beyond your own perspective. May you have the humility to admit you don't see everything, and to be the kind of leader that makes space for more voices, more stories, more standpoints.
Because we believe you can be both ambitious and kind, fun and driven, powerful and deeply human. Your leadership can inspire your success, can have soul, and your ambition can make space for everyone. That's why you are a badass softie.
We'll see you next week.