Trusting Yourself When the Outcome Isn't Guaranteed
Every leader reaches a point where the data, the advice, and the strategy can only take them so far. Eventually, the question becomes more personal: Can you trust yourself when there are no guarantees? Dr. J.J. Peterson sits down with bestselling author and writing coach Ally Fallon to explore authenticity, external validation, the difference between your inner and outer horizon, and why some of the most important decisions in life can't be made with certainty.
Most of us think trusting ourselves will feel clear.
We imagine there will be a moment when all the signs line up, the risks are manageable, and the path forward makes perfect sense.
But the hardest moments of self-trust rarely work that way.
More often, we've done the research. We've gathered advice. We've considered the risks. We've talked ourselves through every possible outcome. And after all of that, we're still left with a question no one else can answer for us:
What if this is the right thing to do, even if I don't know how it ends?
That was one of the biggest themes in Dr. J.J. Peterson's conversation with bestselling author and writing coach Ally Fallon.
Most people know Ally as an author, ghostwriter, and coach. But throughout the conversation, she returned to a deeper question: how do we stay connected to our own voice in a world that constantly rewards us for listening to everyone else's?
Prefer to listen? Press play below.
Acting Without Certainty
When J.J. asked Ally why she decided to post a talking-to-camera video every day for thirty days, the answer wasn't what most people would expect.
The challenge didn't begin with a content strategy or a business goal. It began with a feeling she couldn't shake.
While working through Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way, Ally was practicing morning pages—a daily writing exercise designed to help people reconnect with their creativity. As she wrote each morning, the same thought kept surfacing: get on Instagram and speak.
Not because it would grow her audience.
Not because it would improve her business.
Simply because the invitation kept showing up.
Like many of us, Ally initially resisted it. Part of her wanted to delete Instagram entirely. Another part sensed there was still something for her to learn there.
Eventually she realized the experiment wasn't really about social media.
It was about whether she was willing to act without certainty.
That's a challenge many leaders know well. We spend enormous amounts of time trying to calculate whether something will work before we begin. We want evidence that our effort will pay off. We want confidence that the outcome will justify the risk.
But some of the most important decisions in life arrive without guarantees.
Sometimes the invitation is simply to take the next step and see what happens.
Finding Your Voice Is Harder Than It Sounds
What surprised Ally most wasn't the process of posting videos.
It was what she discovered about herself while doing it.
As she reflected on the experience, she realized how often she was changing herself in pursuit of an outcome.
That realization stopped J.J. in his tracks.
Here's someone who has spent years helping other people uncover their voice. She helps authors write books that sound like them, not like someone else's version of who they should be. She helps people communicate with honesty, clarity, and authenticity.
Yet she found herself wrestling with the same temptation she helps others overcome.
In many ways, that's what makes authenticity so difficult.
It's rarely a one-time achievement. It's an ongoing practice.
Ally explained that when she works with an author, she isn't simply trying to capture their words. She's trying to capture their essence. She wants readers to feel what it's like to be in the room with them.
That distinction matters.
People aren't only responding to our words. They're responding to the person behind them.
As leaders, it's easy to focus on communication techniques, messaging strategies, and presentation skills. But authenticity isn't a technique. It's the result of doing the deeper work of understanding who you are and learning to communicate from that place.
The words become an extension of the person.
The Difference Between Your Inner and Outer Horizon
One of the most compelling ideas Ally shared came from the poet David Whyte.
He describes two horizons that shape our lives.
The outer horizon consists of everything we can measure: revenue, promotions, audience growth, recognition, titles, accomplishments, and external markers of success.
Those things matter.
But they make a poor compass.
The inner horizon is different. It's the quieter place where we discover who we're becoming, what matters most, and what we're being called toward next.
The challenge is that most of us learn to trust the outer horizon first.
If something is producing visible results, we assume we're moving in the right direction. If the rewards don't show up quickly, we question whether we should continue.
But Ally's Instagram experiment challenged that assumption.
The videos weren't producing extraordinary numbers. The external metrics offered very little encouragement.
Yet she kept going.
Not because the results were proving she was right.
Because the process itself was changing her.
That distinction is easy to miss.
Sometimes the value of an experience isn't found in what it produces. Sometimes it's found in who it helps us become.
When Trust Comes With a Cost
The conversation became even more powerful when Ally shared the story of Pinewood Surf Club, a dream she and her husband pursued because they genuinely believed it was the right path.
They weren't reckless.
They did the planning. They assembled the right people. They thought carefully about the risks.
And it still didn't work.
For a season, they found themselves asking difficult questions.
Would they lose their house?
Had they made a terrible mistake?
Was all of this for nothing?
Those are the moments that reveal whether self-trust is real.
It's easy to talk about following your intuition when everything works out.
It's much harder when the outcome isn't what you hoped for.
Yet as Ally reflected on that season, she didn't view it as a mistake.
The experience changed her. It made her more present, more aware, and more connected to herself.
That's a different way of measuring success.
When Your Body Knows Before Your Mind
J.J. shared his own experience of pursuing opportunities that looked perfect on paper.
The opportunities made strategic sense.
The finances worked.
People he trusted encouraged him to move forward.
But something inside him kept saying no.
When he ignored that voice, his body responded.
Panic attacks.
Migraines.
Even allergic reactions.
Looking back, he realized he was trying to build something that wasn't actually his.
Neither Ally nor J.J. suggest that every feeling should dictate every decision. Wisdom matters. Counsel matters. Strategy matters.
But eventually there comes a point where no amount of outside advice can answer the question for you.
Only you can decide whether you're willing to trust what you know to be true.
A Different Measure of Success
Trusting yourself isn't a guarantee that things will work out exactly as planned.
Ally's story makes that clear.
Following your inner horizon doesn't guarantee financial success. It doesn't guarantee recognition. It doesn't guarantee applause.
Sometimes the results arrive slowly.
Sometimes they arrive in forms you never expected.
And sometimes they don't arrive at all.
The deeper question is whether success is only measured by the outcome, or whether becoming more honest, more aligned, and more fully yourself matters too.
Because the most important work in our lives often begins long before anyone else can see the results.
And sometimes the greatest reward isn't getting exactly what you wanted.
It's becoming the person you needed to become along the way.
-
[00:00:00] Why We Perform Instead of Telling the Truth
Ally Fallon: We have a version of ourselves that goes out into the world that is somewhat performative. We have identities that we put on to survive in different settings. There is more to you than that. And so to have access to the full essence of you, you have to have a place where you can tell yourself the truth.
And a lot of times that truth is hidden in your subconscious, and the best access to that is through
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Welcome to Badass Softy, a podcast for leaders who are unapologetically ambitious and want to lead with heart because you're allowed to chase big goals without losing what makes you human. I'm your host, Dr. JJ Peterson, and today I am talking with my friend, best-selling author, writer coach, helped launch multiple New York Times best-selling books, Allie Fallon.
She is the founder of Find Your Voice, which is a company that's dedicated to helping people uncover and articulate the stories in them that matter the most. And what I love, I've been able to work with Allie on multiple projects for a long time. Uh, we're very good friends, and what I love about Allie is that while a lot of people see her as a writer and a writing coach, yes, she helps people write books, but so much of her work is rarely just about putting words to paper.
It's about paying attention and listening. It's about discovering what is true beneath all the noise that's competing for attention. And what this conversation really is about is talking about listening to your inner voice, your true voice, the quiet voice inside of us that knows what matters and what we value and who we are becoming.
And the challenge for many of us is that we spend so much time chasing the outer voices, or what Allie quotes from David White as the outer horizon versus listening to our inner horizon, and why that doesn't work, whether you're writing a book or whether you're leading or whether you're building a business.
Why when you listen to that outer version of what people tell us we're supposed to be actually ends up falling flat in the long run, but when we learn to listen to our inner horizon, our inner voice, that's when we actually live a more fulfilling life and make a bigger difference in the world. So this conversation is about listening to that inner voice again, and maybe even more importantly, it's about finding the courage to trust it.
So I'm so excited for you to hear my conversation today with Allie Fallon Allie, you're a badass softie, just period and plain. Um, you and I have known each other now for at least 10 years, I believe, is when we first kind of met. Maybe more. And it might be more at this point, and-
Ally Fallon: 2015, I think we met, or 2014 we met-
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah
Ally Fallon: for the first time.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah. Yeah. And we kind of were around each other, and then the very first time we got to work on a project together was for Scott Hamilton.
Ally Fallon: Yes,
Dr. J.J. Peterson: I remember quite well. We helped, uh, helped write Scott Hamilton's book. Yes. You helped write Scott Hamilton's book. You helped too. I was... I helped with some of the brainstorming.
But you have built your career on, um, so many different things, but really on helping people find their voice- Mm-hmm ... and helping them. You've been a ghostwriter for some of the biggest names in- Mm-hmm ... various industries. You are also a bestselling author yourself, and I have watched you intimately in some of those settings, like the way that you honor people's voice, and then also pull out of them goodness, and then elevate their voice in a way that they probably weren't able to do themselves, because you almost say things in a way that they meant but could never say.
And what I mean by when I say badass softie is you see people-
Ally Fallon: Hmm ...
Dr. J.J. Peterson: for who they are, the goodness that they bring to the table, even if you don't always agree exactly with what they are. Yeah. But then you take that truth and the goodness in them, and you elevate it with excellence in a way that helps them shine, and that in a way they probably couldn't do themselves.
And that's what I mean when I say you truly are a badass softie, is like you are- Just the shit at, like- ... writing and elevating in what you do, the excellence which, which you bring to the work you do. But you also do it in a way that is so honest and so real and so human that you inspire me to do that as well.
Ally Fallon: Thank you. Thank you for having me. What an intro. Wow. I'm taking that in. I receive it. Well, all- Thank you so much ...
Dr. J.J. Peterson: good. No, there's, uh, there's so much more I could say, and I love your husband, and I love your children, and all those things.
[00:04:48] The 30-Day Instagram Experiment
Dr. J.J. Peterson: But, you know, one of the reasons, one of the things I wanted to talk about today is you're doing a really unique challenge right now on Instagram where you are posting long form videos-
Ally Fallon: Mm-hmm
Dr. J.J. Peterson: every day for 30 days. Yeah. Which is not something you've done before, and is not really on brand for you- Mm-hmm ... as far as, like, being on camera, being in, in front of everybody. Yeah. You're usually the person behind the scenes who's literally your name sometimes doesn't appear on the book for people who you write, have written for.
And I am curious, 'cause I've been following along, and it's been helpful for me, but why, why did you- Yeah ... decide to do this?
Ally Fallon: The idea came because I started doing Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way again, which the main tenets of the program are you write for 40 minutes every single morning, stream of consciousness, just whatever's on your mind until e- either 40 minutes or three pages, whichever comes first.
Yeah. And then the second tenet of the program is you take yourself on these artist dates. Well, during one of my morning pages sessions, this idea came up, and it, it wasn't the first time the idea had come up, but it was the first time I saw it in writing. The idea was to get on Instagram every day for 30 days and post a talking to camera video without worrying about the outcome, and that was a big piece of it.
Because I have been sitting on this fence with Instagram for a long time, and I joke that I have multiple personalities because there is part of me that could wholeheartedly delete Instagram and never go back. I mean, you know this, but you've watched my life change drastically over the last five or six years, in part because I've had kids and, you know, there's, that demands a lot of my time and attention.
I'm spending more time at home, and even before we started recording you were asking me, like, "How are you? What are you doing? What's happening in your career these days? How are you making money?" And I'm like, "Well, I'm really spending more time at home." And so, so because of that, I feel like there was a part of me that could literally delete Instagram and never look back and not miss it for a single day or a single second.
And then there's this other part of me that kept nagging at me and saying, "There's something else here for you to learn or some..." Uh, it's like a growth edge or like a... That has nothing to do with building an audience or having a platform or anything. It's like something here for you to gain if you're willing to take the risk on it.
And then I would talk myself out of it because I would say, "Well, Instagram's just a toxic place anyway, you know? It's addictive and people should really get off Instagram, and we need to not be on our phones as much." And so I, I was in this endless wash cycle for months and months and months, maybe over a year, if I'm being really honest.
And then I saw myself in my morning pages write on the page that I really wanna do this thing, where I just for 30 days, without trying to hack the algorithm or figure out what's gonna happen or what's trending or what music to put with it, to just... The way that it came through in my morning pages was just open your mouth and speak.
And that felt significant to me, and I wasn't sure why exactly it was significant when I started. But the more that I do it, the more I'm realizing why I was invited to do this challenge. And so yeah, so I'm on, today is day six- 17 of my 30-day challenge of talking to Instagram. And I will say, one thing that might be interesting to talk about is the videos really have not done that well.
And that's fine. It's totally fine. In fact, I think that's been part of the Um, the growth for me is just letting it be fine-
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah ...
Ally Fallon: that you post a video and you say what you wanna say and it doesn't have to be viral.
[00:08:12] What Authenticity Really Looks Like
Dr. J.J. Peterson: I have, I have so many thoughts and questions, but I think the first one just is 'cause you mentioned it, why has it been important?
What have you discovered- Yes ... in this?
Ally Fallon: Well, one thing I discovered is how often with my creativity and with my voice I'm altering the essence of who I am in order to achieve a certain external outcome. And this is wild, 'cause I teach this to every single person that I ever work with, and it's very easy to teach to other people and very hard to embody it yourself.
But I teach people to be utterly and authentically themselves on the page, and that's the trickiest thing about helping someone write a memoir. I mean, I've written mostly nonfiction, 99% nonfiction, and a lot of memoirs, and it's the trickiest part about a memoir is getting someone's voice and essence and, you know, the way that you feel when you're with a person, like JJ has an essence.
Like you have... It's more than just the words that come out of your mouth. It's like how I feel when I'm with you, and getting that to show up in print is a tricky thing to do. And, and it takes, um, a lot of courage too because there are so many ways that we perform and we hide our, our true selves. And so I've spent my entire career teaching people how to do this, and yet when it came time for me to do it, I was like, "Oh shit, this is why this is so hard."
"This is why they resist me every time I try to coach them to do it." Yeah. I think the growth edge for me was being on camera. I had the writing piece down. I knew exactly how to hide behind a computer and write what I wanted to say and post it. But to put my face and my essence and my, my voice, my actual speaking voice- Mm-hmm
on camera felt harder. And I mean, I could do it... This is the crazy thing is I have, like, I don't know, almost 19,000 followers on Instagram, which is not a crazy huge platform, but, like, it's, you know, 19,000 fol- followers is enough.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: If you
Ally Fallon: were in
Dr. J.J. Peterson: a room with 19,000 people,
Ally Fallon: that'd be a big room. That's a lot of people.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I mean, I had already done a lot of posting videos on Instagram, but it was always, like, with a script. I was teaching something. It was much easier to stand as the coach and say, "Three things you need to know about writing a book," or, "I worked with this author and here's what I taught her to do."
Mm-hmm. That's a lot easier than like, "This is what I'm going through in my life and it's been really hard and this is what it's teaching me." That was, that was a much harder thing to try.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: And I'm, I'm resonating with all this 'cause this, that's me as well. Mm-hmm. You know, like, I'm kind of like even if you've look at my Instagram right now, it's actually a lot of just posts about these interviews.
I'm not putting- Yeah ... a lot of my personal stuff out there. Like, still kind of figuring out what I want it to be and all those things. Yeah. But I think you and I both- See value in somebody finding their authentic true voice and being able to communicate that in a way that connects with the people who need to hear it most.
Mm-hmm. Right? Like, that is- Yes ... we see, just like v- th- when I say value, I do mean, like, even monetary when it's talking, like, business-wise. Yes. If you're gonna sell more books, you wanna, you know. Yes. But also just in the value for you as a human. Yes. 'Cause you were saying, like, the value add for you in this is, or the learning curve is really this idea of like, oh, me getting on camera and pushing past being brave enough-
Ally Fallon: Yes
Dr. J.J. Peterson: to put myself out there and find value in it. Whether anybody else finds value in it, you find value in it.
Ally Fallon: Yes.
[00:11:28] Finding Value Beyond External Validation
Dr. J.J. Peterson: So finding your authentic and true voice can have monetary value, but also has intrinsic value for yourself. What type of value do you see in that? Like, even for yourself, but others, also other people, when you help them find that true voice, that, like- Mm-hmm
their essence and can put it either in writing or on video, what value is that for them as humans?
Ally Fallon: This is such an important thing to talk about. I, I wanna go back for a second to the monetary value versus inner value. One of the fundamental shifts that has happened for me from this challenge, and just in the last six months of the inner work I've been doing, is realizing that the inner value has to lead the way.
You can have the outer value lead the way. I think there are a lot of people who achieve success having the outer value lead the way, and most of them will tell you, because I've worked with a lot of these people, that over time it just becomes emptier and emptier and emptier, and it, it's, it leads you down a pretty dark path.
And then you see people who are, like, utterly and authentically themselves, and who are You know, earning a living wage or sometimes many, many, many times a living wage by being utterly and authentically themselves. And those are the people who are really truly satisfied and finding purpose in their work.
[00:12:44] Your Inner vs. Outer Horizons
Ally Fallon: And I think I was unaware of all of the ways that I was tra- I, I was focusing on outer value over inner value, and David White calls this the outer horizon versus the inner horizon. Mm. And they're a mirror to each other, is how he talks about it. So the inner horizon is always showing you the outer horizon, which is why the Instagram challenge was more about I, I had to be willing to say I'm valuing the inner horizon over the outer horizon.
Mm. In other words, this is about something that's here for me to learn, a growth edge for me. Has nothing to do with how many likes this will get, how many comments it'll get, how viral it's gonna go, how it's gonna grow my account. In fact, if that was the goal, I'm missing the mark because it's not having that effect.
But I'm discovering and learning so much about myself, and I, I do believe that when you double down on the inner horizon, over time it does become more valuable in all the ways. And so if the outer... If the inner horizon and the outer horizon are mirrors to one another, then if you let the inner horizon lead the way, the outer horizon will eventually reflect it back to you.
So I do believe that there is monetary value, external value that is, that, that mirrors the inner value, but I, I do think you have to let the inner value lead the way.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: 100%, and that's also really, really hard.
Ally Fallon: Oh.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: You know, like, it's also so hard. Like, I'll just, again, personal example here. So this podcast that I'm doing, like with this studio- Mm-hmm
and the cameras and the lights and editing and, and paying for different stuff, is the most expensive thing I do in my business. Yes. Yep. 'Cause most of my overhead, if I'm most honest, is travel and a little bit of advertising, but it's my brain showing up and helping people. Yes. I don't have expenses beyond that.
This podcast is the most expensive thing I do. Yeah. And yet I know this is being driven by that inner horizon, and I do believe eventually the out- it, the outer horizon will reflect that. Will get...
Ally Fallon: Yes.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: But for right now, and, and in the, what I said, hard, it's like, but that's hard. 'Cause I watch the checks go out the door- Mm
for this and I go, "Am I being dumb?"
Ally Fallon: Dumb by whose assessment of it-
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah ...
Ally Fallon: is the question, and it's the question I'm asking myself a lot. And I mean, you know, like you had my husband come on the podcast. He shared part of our story. Like, we are the dumbest of dumb.
[00:15:02] We Followed Our Dream to the Brink of Bankruptcy
Ally Fallon: We followed our inner horizon to literally the brink of bankruptcy and have spent the last two years recovering from that.
And so- This is, I feel like this is the journey that I'm on. A- and not everybody has to adopt that, but I'm becoming... I feel like I, I have the receipts to show for this too, because I'm becoming more and more convinced, even after losing literally everything. Mm-hmm. I mean, there was like 12 months of time where we were like, "Are we gonna lose our house?"
You know? Like, you wondered, like, is someone gonna show up and take our cars? I... We have two little kids, you know what I mean? It was extremely scary, and I can still say to this day that following our inner horizon has paid off. Now, has it paid off in my bank account yet? No. I hope it does someday. Um, but it has paid off in a massive way.
Like, the, the person that I've become along the way is more of who I'm meant to be. My essence is brighter. I'm here more fully. I'm more present in my life. I'm happier. I'm more free. And so that's... I, I think when you're measuring by your accountant standards or by your your bank account. I don't know.
There, there are, and there are, like, realities of life. You have to pay for groceries and put gas in your car and whatever else. Um, but I feel like because of my personal experience, I can say this with absolute conviction, that following your inner horizon is worth it. It takes you to some dark places sometimes, but it's a different kind of dark.
There's the dark of my life is empty, it has no purpose, and there's the dark of I'm on my path, nothing makes sense, but I'm being called forward by something that's greater than me.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: And even in that case, so y- I, I don't know how much we actually went into it with Matt, but just overview is that M- Matt had this incredible opportunity, this huge, like, audacious- Yes
gigantic... Think in terms of like, "Hey, I wanna build Disneyland." Yes. Like, that kind of big dream that- Yeah ... some people would look at and go, "That's bad." And yet there was also a lot of thought, effort, training, finances, partnerships that came into it, and you guys went for it, and it didn't happen.
Ally Fallon: Yes.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: And that, that, so when you say, like, you went to bankruptcy or that c- you know, in that space, it was, it wasn't like this crazy, "Hey, we're just gonna follow our dream" move.
No. It was- It was- ... a strategic move- Mm-hmm ... to go towards an audacious goal that was driven by inner, you know, the inner horizon- It was ... as well, and it didn't work, you know? And so, and then through that, you are left with at the end of this, who am I at this? Mm-hmm. And am I driven by now this huge thing, again, this y- we didn't accomplish this goal, so does that mean I'm h- I'm a bad person?
Ally Fallon: Yes.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Or did we follow what we believe with all of our heart was the best intentions, fault checking every box, like f- inviting the right people to be a part of this, and it still didn't work? Yes. But you w- could walk away then with your head held high, questions and scary- Yeah ... but going like, no, we still believe that was the right...
[00:17:59] When Your Body Tells You You're Out of Alignment
Dr. J.J. Peterson: if we were to make those choices again, we probably would've followed the same path because that was driven by more than just, it was driven by this bigger dream. And same thing, like, with, I think when, for me, again, as I take this back to me, ... is, is th- just that idea that even, you know, when I was in a place where- Maybe, like, had the opportunity to build a platform that did not feel authentic to me-
Ally Fallon: Mm-hmm
Dr. J.J. Peterson: and driven by me, but it was because other people were telling me, "This is a great way to make money. You can go- Yes ... this way." And in my mind, I was like, "Yes," but I n- when I started following that path, my body literally told me, "You can't do this." Told you no. Like, um, I was having panic attacks. Yeah. I was having, um...
I had some... I had migraines. I actually, I had allergic reactions. This is a, a crazy thing that happened with my body, is when I would be in those actual conversations about the thing everybody was telling me to do, my eyes started to swell shut.
Ally Fallon: Yes.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Because my body was literally telling me, "There is some disconnect here between...
You're being driven by the opportunity, by the money, and by what other people are telling you you need to do." And could it have been incredibly successful? Yes. I would have... If it didn't, I would've been even more broken at the end of that because I would've followed somebody else's in- Somebody
Ally Fallon: else's
Dr. J.J. Peterson: dream for you
heart and, yeah, versus my own.
Ally Fallon: Yes.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: And stepping away from that and launching my own thing and leaning into things like this, there are still scary times. Yeah. Like it's, you know, figuring out, like, where w- how are we paying the bills this month? And not that I'm month-to-month in the moment, but it's, like, figuring out, like, oh, I need to get more leads so that we have a Christmas.
Yeah. You know? That thing. Sure. And things like that. Yeah. And moving towards that and knowing that even if for some reason this doesn't work the way that I think, I did what I, I was, I wanted to do. Yes. And I followed my voice. And there's that... I think, you know, what's coming up for me in this is this alignment, like you said, between the inner horizon and the outer horizon.
And the outer horizon. That when those two things are not aligned, that it creates tension. Yep. It creates a darker place later. And what I'm hearing from you, even, uh, in this, or what I'm learning from you in this, is that you're actually taking that time- In the posting and in your daily morning rituals to lean into discovering and listening to that inner horizon- Yes
that I think a lot of us don't often do. We're driven by the outer horizon, by we need to make money, I need to do this, I wanna get this, these clicks, these posts, and all these things. And the reality is that if we don't take time to discover and learn our own unique voice and be authentic in that voice, that world comes crashing down later.
[00:20:51] Learning to Trust Yourself
Ally Fallon: Yeah, and the question that you have to ask yourself is, can I trust that voice enough? Do I love that voice enough? Do I believe in that voice enough? Do I trust that voice enough to really go all in on it, that, that inner horizon? Yes. Can I trust it so much that I'm willing to take action on what it tells me to do even when it doesn't reward me externally?
And this is why this Instagram challenge, one of a handful of reasons why it's been so powerful for me, because it's teaching me to trust the inner horizon. It's like you have a thing to say, this is what you feel inspired to say right now in this present moment, put it out there, and maybe it gets 500 views whereas normally I would get 3,500.
It's like can I trust that what my inner horizon is inviting me to do has purpose, has value, has intention, has beauty to it, even if it doesn't immediately reward me externally? And it does take a lot of courage to do that, and I think people need to know that when you trust that inner horizon, there is a cost, you know?
I, and I think I lived that when we followed this Pinewood Surf Club journey. We lived the cost of following that inner horizon, and I do believe that, I s- I do now. There was a year ago where I was like, "I don't think this is ever gonna pay off." And I mean, you asked the question, like, does this make us bad people?
I think the question I was asking myself is, did I make a bad choice? Yeah.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yep.
Ally Fallon: And I think if we can neutralize it, there's no such thing as bad choices. I mean, maybe there are bad- Maybe there are some bad
Dr. J.J. Peterson: choices, but- Yeah ...
Ally Fallon: um, with something like that it's like- It's even following the money is a neutral choice.
I mean, uh, to your point, it's like you can try it, see how that goes. Yeah,
Dr. J.J. Peterson: yeah.
Ally Fallon: See how you feel about it. But I feel like people who listen to your show, people who really have, like, deep empathy and wanna create impact and who really, like, have a purpose-driven sense of self are going to crave more.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: And I think you're so right that it takes courage.
That's the part that we want to acknowledge as well, is that it isn't just as simple as, like, so do it.
Ally Fallon: Yeah. Yes, yeah.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: It was... I think I'm gonna totally butcher this, and it's... I feel horrible in this, but I was listening to something with Maya Angelou Yeah. And of course, I wanna get her words exactly right, but the, the, the idea behind it is I think somebody was asking her, like, "What are the greatest value, values?"
And she said courage is actually the greatest value, the thing that's most meaningful, because every other value requires- Requires courage ...
Ally Fallon: courage. Yeah.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Because there is a cost to the value.
Ally Fallon: Yeah.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: So if I say I love Ally, then there may be a moment that my love for you and friendship for you costs me something- Yeah
and I have to have the courage to lean into that value- To lean into it ... versus away. Mm-hmm. If vulnerability is a value, there's a certain point that you can be vulnerable, and then it comes costly, and then you go- Yeah ... am I courageous enough to move forward? And being vulnerable and moving into these places requires, often when it comes, push comes to shove, there could be a cost, and do you- Yeah
have the courage to lean into it, not foolishly, not blindly, but in a way that, again, keeps you on the path for that inner horizon leading.
Ally Fallon: Yeah.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: So again, not, uh, n- b- it... Saying that- And not telling everybody, "Well, just do it," but still-
Ally Fallon: Yeah ...
Dr. J.J. Peterson: how do they do it? Like, like how... You know, just even some practical or some high-level thoughts of like you- you've helped other people do this, right?
Yeah. You've helped authors kind of pull out their voice, um, lean into it, and trust their voice. It's not just the learning what your voice is, but trusting it, and you're, you continue. It, and this, the way we're talking about this makes it, might make it feel like, oh, this is the first time you're doing this.
No, this is a journey that- This is... Yeah. This is ebbs and flows of... 'Cause I think that's also a part of it, is you're always- Yeah ... kind of, like, relearning to trust your voice. So-
Ally Fallon: 100,000%.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: So you've done it for others. You've done it for yourself. What are some things you would tell people who are in the space of going, "I want to learn to discover my voice and trust my voice"?
What are some things that they can do?
Ally Fallon: The number one thing is to write every single day. Every day without fail. It can be five minutes. It can be two minutes. It can be one minute. It can be a quick note on your iPhone. It doesn't have to be anything crazy or intense, but writing every single day gives you access to all of you.
You know, every single one of us, regardless of how self-aware we are, we have a version of ourselves that goes out into the world that is somewhat performative. There's nothing wrong with that. That's just how... You know, we have identities that we put on to survive in different settings. There is more to you than that, and so to have access to the full essence of you, you have to have a place where you can tell yourself the truth, and a lot of times, the truth is hidden in your subconscious or your unconscious, and the best access to that is through picking up a pen and writing something down.
The number one best access to this is through actually picking up a physical pen.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: That's what I was just gonna ask you. Like, there is... I, I'm, I feel like I've read something. The difference between, like, typing versus- There is
Ally Fallon: a difference ... like,
Dr. J.J. Peterson: writing.
Ally Fallon: Yes. It... What I tell people is, "Do whatever you will do every day," because many people will use as an excuse, "Oh, I didn't have pen and paper with me," as their excuse to not write.
So just use your iPhone. It's fine. Just open up the Notes app in your iPhone. Everyone has a phone that they're walking around with. Use the Notes app in your phone and just write something down every single day. It can be something you're thinking about. It can be a question that comes to you. It can be s- it could be literally as simple as something that happened to you that day.
Um, I've even done this voice-to-text, 'cause I have two little kids. I'm running after them all the time. My days are extremely busy. And so, you know, Julia Cameron says, "Write with pen and paper. Write for 40 minutes every morning. It's the first thing you do in the morning, and you write for 40 minutes or three pages, whichever comes first."
And she's religious about this, and this is what she teaches in The Artist's Way. And Julia Cameron is, like, the mother of all creativity. She's the goddess. Like, give her all the credit. But there's also, like, I've had to give myself the grace that sometimes that doesn't fit into my life. And so I'm like, instead of not doing it, I'm gonna do it in a way that's not the perfect way to do it.
So I'm gonna open my phone, I'm gonna do voice to text, and I'm just gonna talk about something that just happened to me that made me feel triggered or that activated me in some way or, or I'm just gonna talk about nothing into my phone. Sometimes I'm typing with thumbs, sometimes I'm voice to text, sometimes I'm pen and paper, and sometimes I'm at my computer, and it's just whatever works.
But I mean, my husband, I've been telling him ... since I met him, I'm like, "You should be writing every day. You know, this is, like, what I coach people to do," and he, he's like someone who's very into personal growth, and he's in- extremely self-aware and loves to, you know, challenge himself and try new things. So I've been telling him since I met him, like, "You should be writing every day."
And finally, finally, finally convinced him when I first started this most recent round of The Artist's Way to start r- doing morning pages. He's doing them. He's like, "Oh my God, these morning pages are amazing. I should have been doing these all along." I'm like, "Oh yeah, weird." "Well, if only someone could have recommended that to you in 2021 when The Power of Writing It Down came out."
Um, so yeah, so that would be my first, my first piece of advice. And honestly, it can just be as simple as that. If you think about it, this challenge that I gave to myself with Instagram came out of morning pages. This was my unconscious talking to me. It's your inner horizon's opportunity to speak to you, to say, "This is what I really want.
This is what I really feel. This is what I'm really about. This is what I wish I didn't have to do anymore." You know? It's amoral. It's neutral the way that we trade our authentic selves for praise, validation, money, safety, security, all of it. It's just we all do it. It's a human survival mechanism. And the more you can access your truest self, the happier you'll feel, the more satisfied you'll feel, the more at home in your body you'll feel.
I mean, we should go back to the body conversation 'cause there's so much to talk about there. That would be another piece of advice- Whole other
Dr. J.J. Peterson: podcast ...
Ally Fallon: I would give. Yeah, yeah.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah. But what, say, say, say what you say 'cause you're also- And listen
Ally Fallon: to your body ...
Dr. J.J. Peterson: yeah, 'cause you're also trained in yoga. Yes.
And you teach people in yoga, so you also are teaching not just about people how to i- access your inner voice but be connected with- Yes ... your whole person.
Ally Fallon: Well, this is what's wild. You don't have to be incredibly self-aware for your body to speak to you.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah.
Ally Fallon: Like think about times- Trust me. ... in your life, yeah, like 15 years ago when I, like, had no self-awareness whatsoever and was just swimming in my trauma, my body was screaming at me.
I had digestive issues, and even through this whole process of transition in my life, I mean, I've been- It's a whole story that we don't need to get into, but, like, there was mold in our house. I have been so, so sick for three years. And just like you're talking about, it's like my body is speaking to me always, and your body will never lie to you.
Your body tells you things. Your body is your unconscious speaking to you. I mean, that's Carl Jung, that's basic. Your body is your unconscious talking to you. And when you sit down to write morning pages, there's more space for you to say what's really true, what's happening in your body. But yeah, our bodies will yell at us.
Your body will give you a heart attack if it needs to, to tell you, "This isn't working."
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Slow down.
Ally Fallon: No, no. Yeah. Let's stop. Yeah. I don't like this. I don't wanna be... Or, you know, your body will have panic attacks if it's like, "This relationship is not working for me. I don't like being around this person." So our bodies are infinitely wise and intelligent.
And yes, there are external factors. You know, people will tell you, "You have mold sickness. You have, you know, autoimmune disease. You have..." And it's funny, 'cause, like, 'cause I've been dealing with this sickness, my algorithm is giving me all kinds of stuff about autoimmune illnesses on Instagram. And I hear a lot of people saying, like, the cure to an autoimmune disease is just start being a bitch.
It's like, think of the people who get autoimmune diseases. This is women who have been people-pleasing their entire lives- ... and they're so fucking sick of saying yes to everyone and everything. They're just like, "Get me out of this." Yeah, their body is like- Their body is like, "No" ...
Dr. J.J. Peterson: rebelling and going- Yes
"We're done. Okay, we're shutting down." And yeah. Like, "I'm not doing this for anybody else anymore." Yes. Yeah.
Ally Fallon: Your body is infinitely wise, and it's telling you, "This is not working for me anymore." So listen to what your body's saying to you.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: I love that. I mean, even if, you know, my takeaway right now is, like, listen to my body, listen to my voice.
Yeah. Yes. Like, that really... And, and what comes out of that, I think, you know, it's gonna be different for everybody, and how that looks is gonna be different for everybody. But- You know, even back when I was having kind of even those panic attacks from like, I, I need to stop pushing through this-
Ally Fallon: Yes ...
Dr. J.J. Peterson: and I need to listen to my body.
Ally Fallon: Yes.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: And the way that I was listening to my body, I did that. I actually went back to journaling and writing in the morning, because I used to do that all the time. Then I had kids. Yeah. And then, like, and I'm not a morning person- Yes ... so getting up early, like, now I have to get up at 4:30 to do this. Yes. I'm not doing this anymore.
So I stopped for a long time. Yeah. And listening to my body made me listen to my voice a little bit more. Yes. And m- my life has been infinitely better since, so.
Ally Fallon: Yeah, and I think people get really black and white about it, like it has to be all or nothing, and I would say a 2% shift is enough to create change in your life.
So y- yeah, even if it's just, even if it's once a week, like-
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Yeah ...
Ally Fallon: take a moment to stop and listen to yourself.
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Love it. Yeah. Well, Ali, thank you so much for, uh, sharing your voice. Yes. Always, I mean, with, with everybody and then, but particularly today, and for just reminding me of some of the things that I want to lean into and help other people lean into.
And, um, you know, and it's always fun to watch your journey of where you go with everything. Like, 'cause I think you are one of the people who, you know, whether things go this way or that way, you always do come back to your voice and lean into that and help others do it even more. So thank you. Thanks, TJ.
And thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. And thank you for being a badass, softie. I love you dearly. Love you too. Allie has helped me so much over the years, and I'm so glad we got to have this conversation and you were able to be a part of it. Because I think, you know, for a lot of us, especially people who are- who listen to Badass Softy, w- a whole kind of foundational piece of this community is the idea that your voice matters.
[00:32:50] Why Authentic Leadership Always Feels Different
Dr. J.J. Peterson: Your voice, the way you approach life, the way you th- lead, the way you think, it's important to show up authentically in that way. Because when you try to be somebody else, when you try to follow other people's leadership styles, it just falls flat. It doesn't work. And when we can learn to say, "Hey, there's a different way that we can lead, there's a different way that we can show up in business, in life, in our family," and that it is being ambitious, but also being kind, being driven, but also having fun.
When we can own those and actually lean forward into that, the world is better, our lives are better, everything's better. And so I'm so grateful for Allie for reminding me of those things, and the, the really, the core takeaway I'm leaving with today is I want to get back to the discipline of writing daily, every day.
I used to be a journaler. I journaled every single day. At times, I journaled for hours. And this was pre-kids, pre-family, uh, this was when I was living that single life. And I don't quite have the time for that these days, but I do have time, in fact, sh- need to make time, in order to listen to my voice and write it down every day, so that I can get back to that truer version of myself, so that when I show up and serve people, it comes from a v- more authentic place, a more true place, and that's when everybody else wins.
So that's my takeaway. I hope you have a good takeaway, and I would challenge you to lean into that writing as well. But I'm gonna start writing every single day, and I'm gonna give myself this 30-day challenge and see where it takes me. So before we go, let me leave you with this. May you have the courage to not only hear your inner voice, but to trust it.
May you pay attention to your body, because it is often telling you the truth long before your mind is ready to hear it. May your inner and outer horizons stay aligned so that the life you're building on the outside reflects what matters most on the inside. And when the world tempts you to measure your worth by money, achievement, status, or applause, may you remember that none of those things can tell you who you are.
And finally, may you make time to write, even if it's only for a few minutes, because sometimes the fastest way to hear your own voice is to give it a blank page and let it speak. Because we believe you can be both ambitious and kind, fun and driven, powerful and deeply human. Your leadership can inspire, your success can have soul, and your ambition can make space for everyone.
That's why you're a badass softie. We'll see you next week. Thanks for listening. Follow and subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Badasssoftie.com is crafted by Fruitful Design and Strategy.