Courage Is Something You Practice

What if courage isn’t something you have to find before you make the hard decision? After a year of conversations with leaders, entrepreneurs, authors, and people willing to question their own definitions of success, Dr. J.J. Peterson has come to see courage differently. It isn’t the absence of fear or a personality trait some people are born with. It’s something you practice—and sometimes the people you surround yourself with make the next brave thing possible.

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A year ago, Dr. J.J. Peterson launched Badass Softie with more questions than answers.

What if nobody listened? What if people thought the idea was stupid? What if he invested time, money, and energy into something that went nowhere? Underneath all of those questions was an even more uncomfortable one: Who am I to do this?

Those aren't unusual questions when you're attempting something that matters. But they're easy to mistake for evidence that you're not ready yet. We imagine brave people don't have these doubts, or that confidence eventually arrives and quiets them.

A year of Badass Softie has convinced Peterson of something different. Brave people ask those questions, too. They just don't always let fear make the decision for them.

That idea has surfaced again and again through conversations about business, leadership, visibility, identity, relationships, and success. Taken individually, those conversations explored very different subjects. Together, they point toward a different understanding of courage—and of what it means to be ambitious without losing what makes us human.

Courage Doesn't Always Mean Pushing Forward

Persistence gets a lot of praise in business, and for good reason. Building something worthwhile usually requires continuing long after the excitement of starting has worn off. But persistence can become stubbornness when sticking to the original plan becomes more important than accomplishing what you actually set out to do.

In his conversation with Ali Trowbridge, Peterson was struck by the distinction between being committed to a mission and being committed to a plan. Sometimes the brave thing is persistence. Other times, it's admitting the approach isn't working, changing the plan, and asking for help.

Trowbridge also talked about what happened when things became difficult and, rather than hiding the struggle or shame, she invited other people in. That's another version of courage that doesn't always get celebrated in business: admitting you don't have everything figured out and allowing someone else to help you find the way forward.

The same idea showed up differently in Peterson's conversation with Allison Fallon. They talked about authenticity and what happens when the life you're living begins to feel like somebody else's version of success. A business can grow. Opportunities can multiply. From the outside, everything can look like it's working—and the person living that life can still know something is wrong.

In those moments, courage may not require doing more. It may require paying attention to yourself and being willing to say, This isn't working anymore. I don't actually want this.

Jen Hatmaker offered an even more dramatic example. Their conversation explored what it takes to change a very public life and make choices that allow you to come back to yourself. Sometimes the brave choice is the one that makes the least sense to everyone watching from the outside.

Courage, then, isn't synonymous with forward motion. It can look like continuing, stopping, changing direction, or letting go. The harder leadership skill is recognizing what the moment actually requires.

Visibility Requires Vulnerability

Courage also shows up in the decision to let yourself be seen.

Peterson has spent much of his career communicating publicly, yet launching something under his own name felt different. Badass Softie meant putting his ideas, questions, money, reputation, and even a phrase he wasn't entirely sure people would take seriously out into the world.

His conversation with Heather Adams helped him reconsider what that kind of visibility means. Putting yourself out there doesn't have to come from a desire for attention. If you have something that might genuinely help someone, allowing yourself to be seen can be an act of generosity.

But generosity doesn't eliminate the risk. The moment people can see you, they can also judge you.

“You don't get visibility without vulnerability,” Peterson reflected.

That's the bargain. Leaders with something useful to contribute can't control how everyone will respond. Waiting until there's no possibility of criticism usually means waiting forever.

The courageous choice is not convincing yourself that nobody will judge you. It's deciding that what you have to contribute matters enough to risk being judged.

Sometimes Safety Is What Makes People Braver

We tend to picture courage as an individual act: one determined person standing alone against the world.

But many of the conversations from the first year of Badass Softie suggest the opposite. Courage is often relational. The people around us can change what we're willing to attempt.

In his conversation with Matt Turner, Peterson explored the consequences leaders create far beyond the office. People don't leave their experience of work behind when they close their laptop or drive home. Feeling invisible, anxious, or constantly on guard follows them. So does feeling trusted, challenged, supported, and cared for.

Creating psychological safety doesn't mean removing conflict or protecting people from every difficult experience. Sometimes safety is precisely what allows people to take bigger risks.

Peterson recognized the same dynamic in his own life in his solo episode about his dad. One of the greatest gifts his father gave him was the knowledge that someone was on his side. His dad wasn't going to prevent every failure or rescue him from every bad decision. Peterson simply knew he had somewhere safe to land.

Strangely enough, that safety created independence.

Knowing there was somewhere he belonged made him braver about going out into the world.

That may be one of the most important tensions inside the idea of being a Badass Softie. Softness and strength aren't necessarily opposing forces. Sometimes the softie part is exactly what makes the badass part possible.

Great leaders don't merely ask people to be brave. They help create environments in which people become brave enough to try.

Business Is Still Human

Not every lesson from the past year was about a dramatic decision. Some were reminders that small human choices still matter, particularly in a business culture increasingly fascinated by scale and optimization.

Will Guidara gave Peterson one of the simplest ideas he carried forward from the year: never let a gracious impulse pass.

Most people know that moment. Someone comes to mind and there's an impulse to call them. A colleague does something worth recognizing. You think about sending a note, offering encouragement, making an introduction, or simply telling someone what they mean to you.

Then comes the hesitation. It might feel awkward. You're busy. You can always do it later.

Guidara's challenge is to stop negotiating with the impulse and act on it. Peterson has found himself remembering those words when his own instinct is to shrink away from one of those moments.

That same commitment to humanity surfaced in his conversations with Kris Jones and Raj Lulla about marketing and business.

Jones talked about having the courage to get specific about whom you want to serve rather than trying to be everything to everyone. Lulla challenged the growing tendency to make marketing about tactics, algorithms, and pleasing what Peterson jokingly calls the “digital gods.”

Those conversations return business to something remarkably simple: there are human beings underneath all of it.

Generosity matters. Trust matters. Making someone feel seen matters. Being genuinely useful matters.

None of that sounds particularly revolutionary. But in a world increasingly obsessed with automation, AI, optimization, and scale, choosing to remain deeply human may be becoming a little revolutionary.

Courage Is Something You Practice

Looking back, these conversations aren't really seven or ten separate lessons. They're different expressions of one larger idea.

Courage keeps showing up.

Sometimes it's changing the plan. Sometimes it's telling yourself the truth about what success means to you. Sometimes it's allowing yourself to be seen, asking for help, having a difficult conversation, acting on a generous impulse, or creating enough safety for someone else to take a risk.

And none of those things require fear to disappear first.

Peterson points to research from Peter Norton and Brandon Weiss that defines courage as approaching something despite experiencing fear. That distinction matters because people often treat fear as a stop sign. They tell themselves they'll start when they're more confident, ask when they're more certain of the answer, or put something into the world when they know it will work.

But courage isn't the absence of fear. It's movement in the presence of it.

That means courage and bravery are less like identities and more like practices.

Every time you do something while your brain is supplying a thousand reasons not to, you gain another piece of evidence about yourself: I did that. I survived that. Maybe I can do the next thing.

That doesn't mean every scary thing is worth doing. Fear is useful. Sometimes it's correctly telling you to get out of a situation.

Other times, fear appears because you're getting close to something that matters.

Love can be scary. Vulnerability can be scary. Starting something can be scary. Ending something can be scary. Telling the truth and allowing yourself to be seen can be scary. Asking for what you want can be scary.

Sometimes the only way to discover who you can become is to move toward one of those things before you know exactly how it will turn out.

Badass Softie itself became an experiment in exactly that.

Peterson didn't know whether people would listen or even exactly what Badass Softie would become. He started anyway. A year later, the questions haven't disappeared, but he's no longer the same person who asked them. The conversations changed him. The people around him changed. His thinking changed.

Doing the brave thing didn't require becoming fearless first.

Doing it became part of how courage was built.

You Don't Have to Practice Courage Alone

There is one more idea connecting the past year: courage is rarely as individual as it looks.

Trowbridge talked about inviting people into the struggle. Turner showed how safety can change what people become capable of. Peterson's father gave him somewhere safe to land. Adams connected visibility with vulnerability. Again and again, the people around us became part of what made the next brave thing possible.

“Sometimes courage looks like saying, ‘I don't know what to do next. Will you sit with me while I figure this out?’” Peterson said.

For the past year, Badass Softie has given him the opportunity to do exactly that: sit across from people, ask questions he genuinely wanted answered, challenge his own assumptions, and let other people's experiences change his thinking.

Now he's building the room where other leaders can do the same.

On October 9 in Nashville, Peterson will join previous Badass Softie guests Julie Firth and Sonya Whittam for Become the Obvious Choice, a one-day intensive for business owners and leaders who are ready to put real decisions, challenges, and opportunities in front of people who understand what it means to build and lead.

The idea behind the event is simple: the quality of the room changes the quality of your thinking.

This isn't a day designed around sitting in rows and collecting more information. Participants will bring the things they're actually wrestling with—the decision they've been thinking circles around, the challenge they're too close to see clearly, or the idea that needs outside perspective—and work through them with experienced people who can question assumptions, share what they've learned, and help identify practical next steps.

Because sometimes practicing courage means starting before you know whether it will work. Sometimes it means changing direction, letting yourself be seen, asking for what you want, or finally saying out loud that you don't know what to do next.

And sometimes the next brave thing is putting yourself in a room where you don't have to figure it out alone.

If that's where you are right now, maybe you don't need another answer from the internet. Maybe you need the right room.

Learn more and apply to join Become the Obvious Choice in Nashville on October 9.

Become the Obvious Choice

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